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Never Question A Child?
Hi,
I was advised to never question a two year old because they answer innocently and depending on the question asked, the answer a child gives may cause a mess and lead you to think all kinds of things that may make sense to you but all of it may just be an innocent answer. I was told to seek a professional instead.
I have never heard of this. Why shouldn't I be able to ask my child two years old or not questions?
I was advised to never question a two year old because they answer innocently and depending on the question asked, the answer a child gives may cause a mess and lead you to think all kinds of things that may make sense to you but all of it may just be an innocent answer. I was told to seek a professional instead.
I have never heard of this. Why shouldn't I be able to ask my child two years old or not questions?
I want to further say that I've never questioned my child 'who touched you here" when they were in diapers. I do find that over the top. Again, the clue to issues would be changes in behavior at that age or if SHE says something herself. I think you are headed down the wrong road here to be honest. Creating problems that probably do not exist. good luck
numbed, I can't get a full picture about what you are saying.
It sounds like you ask her who has touched her privates daily, or weekly? That's way too much if there aren't symptoms of sexual abuse. She will end up making something up at some point if you continue to ask "who touched you here". That's no open ended - open ended is "what all did you and Daddy do this weekend". "Who touched you here" is extremely closed-ended.
I don't know if her father said "don't tell mummy", but that sounds pretty innocent to me. Don't tell mummy I let you stay up til 10. Don't tell mummy I let you eat a whole bag of popcorn. Don't tell mummy I'm dating. Don't tell mummy my electricity was cut off. Goes on and on.
I hope you are able to get clarity and answers from the specialist. Is there some reason you're extra sensitive to sexual abuse?
It sounds like you ask her who has touched her privates daily, or weekly? That's way too much if there aren't symptoms of sexual abuse. She will end up making something up at some point if you continue to ask "who touched you here". That's no open ended - open ended is "what all did you and Daddy do this weekend". "Who touched you here" is extremely closed-ended.
I don't know if her father said "don't tell mummy", but that sounds pretty innocent to me. Don't tell mummy I let you stay up til 10. Don't tell mummy I let you eat a whole bag of popcorn. Don't tell mummy I'm dating. Don't tell mummy my electricity was cut off. Goes on and on.
I hope you are able to get clarity and answers from the specialist. Is there some reason you're extra sensitive to sexual abuse?
Hope all goes well with the specialist and that they will get to find out what is going on so that you can deal with it appropriately to protect your daughter from any harm.
Best of luck.
Best of luck.
thank you all, I have taken into account everything said here. Also I will be taking her to see a specialist tomorrow.
The reason why it is hard to get 'true' information from a two year old is that they don't see things in a mature way. You can bump them and they might say "mommy hurt me". Or they love mommy so much and don't want her to get upset which can include just a feeling of disapproval so they might say "don't tell mommy". You could interpret these things as 'abuse' when in reality nothing like that is going on. What therapists generally do is look for clues from what a child says.
If you suspect abuse, it is better to look for physical signs of it or a repeated pattern of what she says is happening rather than kind of randomly quizzing her. Especially if you are not the parent she is with as much. She can try to please you if she sees you perk up when she says something negative about her mom.
A two year old that goes between two parents that don't live together can be confused. Period.
If you suspect abuse, take her to a therapist.
Kids develop at different rates the ability to give a full and accurate account of events. Ask a kid what happened after school when they are 6 and you often get garbled info. even if it is distressing. So, if you are with her each and every day, what you look for is changes in behavior
Another sign that therapists look for when abuse is happening is if a child is startled or frightened or hurt if they run to their mother.
Because most 2 year olds do not cognitively have the verbal skills to talk about how they feel, what's really going on, etc. You have to follow clues if you suspect something negative in their life. good luck
If you suspect abuse, it is better to look for physical signs of it or a repeated pattern of what she says is happening rather than kind of randomly quizzing her. Especially if you are not the parent she is with as much. She can try to please you if she sees you perk up when she says something negative about her mom.
A two year old that goes between two parents that don't live together can be confused. Period.
If you suspect abuse, take her to a therapist.
Kids develop at different rates the ability to give a full and accurate account of events. Ask a kid what happened after school when they are 6 and you often get garbled info. even if it is distressing. So, if you are with her each and every day, what you look for is changes in behavior
Another sign that therapists look for when abuse is happening is if a child is startled or frightened or hurt if they run to their mother.
Because most 2 year olds do not cognitively have the verbal skills to talk about how they feel, what's really going on, etc. You have to follow clues if you suspect something negative in their life. good luck
Sounds like you do not trust the adults that she is left with.
If that is the case, you will have to ensure that she is not left alone with those people, whoever they are.
If that is the case, you will have to ensure that she is not left alone with those people, whoever they are.
you said otherwise there is no point in asking these questions "just to get an idea". It will just make her anxious and nervous.
I think if I never ask and she never says thats something I could possibly regret in the future IF something ever happens this is why I ask.
I said I ask in a normal voice, I think its in how you ask. If youre anxious and nervous she will be too. She's the type of girl that the only time something bothers her is when she cant get her way. I wouldnt ask if she reacted scare, anxious or nervous.
I think if I never ask and she never says thats something I could possibly regret in the future IF something ever happens this is why I ask.
I said I ask in a normal voice, I think its in how you ask. If youre anxious and nervous she will be too. She's the type of girl that the only time something bothers her is when she cant get her way. I wouldnt ask if she reacted scare, anxious or nervous.
Now does your daughter mean that daddy touched her because he was cleaning her and changing her diaper? which would be normal.
Or does she mean that daddy touched her in a way that he should not have done?
If she is saying that daddy told her not to tell mummy about touching her, then, yes I would be very worried to make sure that daddy wasn't touching her in a way that he should not.
Hope all turns out to be OK.
Best of luck.
Or does she mean that daddy touched her in a way that he should not have done?
If she is saying that daddy told her not to tell mummy about touching her, then, yes I would be very worried to make sure that daddy wasn't touching her in a way that he should not.
Hope all turns out to be OK.
Best of luck.
If your child told you that they did get touched in their private area, then of course asking the question calmly "who touched you?" is a question any parent would ask.
And if your daughter is saying things like that, then it is understandable that you would want to know where they got it from. If you are not with your child all of the time and leave them in the care of others, then you do need to find out what is going or whoever she is with to make sure that there are not things being said or done to her that is untoward. and things that your daughter should not be exposed to.
Unfortunately children do pick up and hear things that we may not even notice. They may hear someone swear in the street, or see something on TV that is only suitable for adults when the child should be tucked up in bed.
If your daughter does say something to you that makes you worry, then it is fine to ask her questions to find out more information. Otherwise there is no point asking those type of questions "just to have an idea". It will just make her anxious and worry.
And if your daughter is saying things like that, then it is understandable that you would want to know where they got it from. If you are not with your child all of the time and leave them in the care of others, then you do need to find out what is going or whoever she is with to make sure that there are not things being said or done to her that is untoward. and things that your daughter should not be exposed to.
Unfortunately children do pick up and hear things that we may not even notice. They may hear someone swear in the street, or see something on TV that is only suitable for adults when the child should be tucked up in bed.
If your daughter does say something to you that makes you worry, then it is fine to ask her questions to find out more information. Otherwise there is no point asking those type of questions "just to have an idea". It will just make her anxious and worry.
Another example would be a time my daughter just randomly said "dont tell mummy" then my friend and I tried to get her attention to ask her who said dont tell mummy and she said daddy. I explained this scenario to another family member and that family member said never question a child because they say things innocently but we calculate things and end up causing a mess, that if anything take her to a professional. But who has money to go to a professional everytime your kid says strange things?
Am I depending on a professional to raise my kid?
Am I depending on a professional to raise my kid?
HI RockRose,
Yes about the possibility. But questions that are open ended and not targeting anyone. Like I would ask my daughter while I'm changing her diaper in a normal voice who touched vagina and she would answer and say mummy, then I would ask who else, then she would say herself, if i ask who else, she would say daddy.
so is this type of questioning wrong? because someone told me today you shouldnt question children PERIOD
Yes about the possibility. But questions that are open ended and not targeting anyone. Like I would ask my daughter while I'm changing her diaper in a normal voice who touched vagina and she would answer and say mummy, then I would ask who else, then she would say herself, if i ask who else, she would say daddy.
so is this type of questioning wrong? because someone told me today you shouldnt question children PERIOD
Hi all,
I'm talking about making sure everything is ok. Making sure there isnt anything bad of kind happening to them that they may not be talking about. So just questioning them on a daily or weekly basis to see what they say. but always open ended questions. For example, if your child says something that you never taught them or no one around you says, for instance asking your kid, who said that? or in the private area, who touch there? My kid is still in diapers so I ask her these type of questions. So someone told me I shouldnt question children.
To me I think you should start to ask question in the early stages, just to have an idea
I wanted to hear eveybody's point of view on that.
I'm talking about making sure everything is ok. Making sure there isnt anything bad of kind happening to them that they may not be talking about. So just questioning them on a daily or weekly basis to see what they say. but always open ended questions. For example, if your child says something that you never taught them or no one around you says, for instance asking your kid, who said that? or in the private area, who touch there? My kid is still in diapers so I ask her these type of questions. So someone told me I shouldnt question children.
To me I think you should start to ask question in the early stages, just to have an idea
I wanted to hear eveybody's point of view on that.
Not to just try and throw my "two cents" in, but rather that I would like to explain that I think you are getting into too much "pop-culture" madness - if you allow me to explain that teaching a humanbeing something will *not* stunt their growth and development in some unforeseen emotional way.
I think that this should be your focus instead: You have before you a brand new humanbeing! What kind of adult humanbeing would you like to have years from now? The most important things is: What you put in now, is what you get back out later on.
In times past child rearing was done by the whole family - Grandfathers and Grandmothers would sit with a toddler and in their Elder wiser tones they would talk for hours and hours about life lessons they lived, and surprise to most that most toddlers actually remembered what they were taught from their Elders!
These modern "experts" have no idea of what real family really is, I personally think it is the tone of the voice, that Elder sound, that draws little children to listen and learn from their Grandparents more than anyone else, and when a child asks an Elder about something, about 90 percent of all Elders will make certain you have the right ideas about what they are sharing with you! Those "experts" don't have a clue about any of that! Their just selling the latest "pop-culture" books and articles just to make some bucks and get some pats on their backs. Trust me, if you want to know what's best for children, look to the older generation who raised up our "Greatest Generation" -- the parents who reared the valiant men and women of WWII, who guaranteed our livelihoods today! Find out how they brought up such fantastic and selfless humanbeings, then try to follow the core of their methods using modern references! That would be my advice for you.
Don't worry about being a "good" parent, just be a good humanbeing! If you are a good humanbeing, then you have what it takes to raise up more good humanbeings! It's so much easier to understand how to be a good humanbeing than trying to be a good parent. Don't overcomplicate parenting and overstress yourself needlessly. Just know what it takes to be a good humanbeing and teach children how to do that. Honesty is part of being a good humanbeing. If a child does not have the correct information, you must correct them kindly and diligently and patiently. It will hurt them much more if they find out later that you let them have the wrong answer to things, especially if they find out from schooling. Be honest and be kind and teach them as a brand new humanbeing that needs to know everything that will make them a successful good humanbeing in this world. Raising a child isn't hard, as long as you stay focused on the basics, decide what kind of adult you would like to have and begin teaching a child how to learn to become that adult, it's that simple! I hope this helps you out.
I think that this should be your focus instead: You have before you a brand new humanbeing! What kind of adult humanbeing would you like to have years from now? The most important things is: What you put in now, is what you get back out later on.
In times past child rearing was done by the whole family - Grandfathers and Grandmothers would sit with a toddler and in their Elder wiser tones they would talk for hours and hours about life lessons they lived, and surprise to most that most toddlers actually remembered what they were taught from their Elders!
These modern "experts" have no idea of what real family really is, I personally think it is the tone of the voice, that Elder sound, that draws little children to listen and learn from their Grandparents more than anyone else, and when a child asks an Elder about something, about 90 percent of all Elders will make certain you have the right ideas about what they are sharing with you! Those "experts" don't have a clue about any of that! Their just selling the latest "pop-culture" books and articles just to make some bucks and get some pats on their backs. Trust me, if you want to know what's best for children, look to the older generation who raised up our "Greatest Generation" -- the parents who reared the valiant men and women of WWII, who guaranteed our livelihoods today! Find out how they brought up such fantastic and selfless humanbeings, then try to follow the core of their methods using modern references! That would be my advice for you.
Don't worry about being a "good" parent, just be a good humanbeing! If you are a good humanbeing, then you have what it takes to raise up more good humanbeings! It's so much easier to understand how to be a good humanbeing than trying to be a good parent. Don't overcomplicate parenting and overstress yourself needlessly. Just know what it takes to be a good humanbeing and teach children how to do that. Honesty is part of being a good humanbeing. If a child does not have the correct information, you must correct them kindly and diligently and patiently. It will hurt them much more if they find out later that you let them have the wrong answer to things, especially if they find out from schooling. Be honest and be kind and teach them as a brand new humanbeing that needs to know everything that will make them a successful good humanbeing in this world. Raising a child isn't hard, as long as you stay focused on the basics, decide what kind of adult you would like to have and begin teaching a child how to learn to become that adult, it's that simple! I hope this helps you out.
There is nothing wrong in asking a 2 year old questions, but it all depends on what you want to ask them.
If it is something that concerns you and your spouse, then that would be a very delicate subject and not something that you should disturb the child about.
A child will answer a question that is true to him/her, but this may not exactly be what you want to hear. Some children can make up stories and also fabricate.
If you do ask anything, don't ask leading questions. Asking "What did you do today?" or "what would you like for Xmas?" is fine. But don't ask the question "Did (so and so) do (this or that)?" That is a leading question that puts things into the mind of the child.
Hope that helps.
If it is something that concerns you and your spouse, then that would be a very delicate subject and not something that you should disturb the child about.
A child will answer a question that is true to him/her, but this may not exactly be what you want to hear. Some children can make up stories and also fabricate.
If you do ask anything, don't ask leading questions. Asking "What did you do today?" or "what would you like for Xmas?" is fine. But don't ask the question "Did (so and so) do (this or that)?" That is a leading question that puts things into the mind of the child.
Hope that helps.
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