sad child

[kel573]

Hi

I am indeed of help. i have a six year old child and i am a single parent. my sons dad left when he was one and then came back when he was four for a max of 4 weeks and gone again. since my son has been one and now 6 7 this year, i have had my relatinships where my child has seen theses people but they have failed due to mu own insuricties. my last relationship started great but then it went horribly wrong, where my partnter was always putting me down and name calling me and my child, i praised my child all the time and stress about this so much how the effects of his name calling would have on my son, he always left us and then came back and this was weekly, he shouted alot and over the time my child is still happy but seems to be very emtional but i do not know if this is because he has seen me cry, he has seen to much in the relationship and i am highly worried that this will have a long term effect on him and i want to put it right but i do not know what direct to go into. last night he started to cry and said that he wants to see his dad.my weight lost has gone from a sixe 12 to size 8 in the 5 months, how can i correct this. please help

[benjimom]

I hope the BF is gone too. Right now your focuses need to be on your boy and not on other men, you can't give them both what each needs, so focus on the child.  I would maybe look into getting him some help and try not to let him seeyou down. You can cry when you are alone, but try to act like you are getting back on top of things. I know it's really tough.  

It's not easy being a single mom, I am too and everything sometimes seems like an uphill battle.  For that reason, I've not attempted to get involved in any relationships.  

[ticked]

Have you talked to the father of the child?  

What is his reasoning for not seeing his child?

I understand where you are coming from as I too am a single mother to a 7yr old.  

I never dated or brought anyone around her because she is a child that would attach to them so easily. It wasn't until this year that I did find someone and because of my own securities I almost broke up with him.

I know its hard but sometimes its best just to wait until the right person comes along and if you do decide to date, dont bring him in your childs like until you really know that its going somewhere.  

I jumped the gun on mine and did it right away and I regret it even though we have a great relationship.

My daughters father does not see her at all and she always asks questions. Every child is different and I think that my child will always see her father as her father no matter what. It really is too bad because he doesnt deserve her love at all.  

I really feel for you and if you ever need to talk i am here.

[specialmom]

I agree that this "boyfriend' needs to be completely out of your life--------- for good (for his sake and yours).  I wouldn't even attempt dating for a long while.  This is not going well for you either with the boy's father and now this boyfriend.  You will be stronger on your own than subjecting you and your child to creepy people.

Showing your son your strength will help him find his.  Stop crying in front of him or talking about these horrible men in front of him.  That is what girlfriends are for.  If you've been in an abusive relationship with this most recent boyfriend, why?  Maybe some therapy for yourself as to why you were okay with this for so long would help you get over it and not repeat the pattern.

And your son has seen some dysfunction with this.  You are right, this is hard to get over.  He may need some counseling himself.  Keep him busy, love him up, and do not bring people into his life that will do further damage.  
good luck

[RockRose]

You can turn this in to a positive example for him by appearing to get over this jerky boyfriend,  and moving on in a positive way.  Statements like "that guy was a mistake,  and we've pushed him out of our lives for good!"  where you show the power and the decision will be helpful.  

Seeing you so weak probably did bother your son,  but he's only 6 and can learn that his mother can change for the better.

If I were you I wouldn't date for a very long time.  

[margypops]

Is the partner who is shouting still with you ? I think you have to be concerned greatly how this will affect your child as yes it definatly will do , verbal abuse in a home is demeaning to anyone listening, it is not to be tolerated . You should not be around with your child any person who behaves like this ...protect your child .