Aa
Nothing works
What do you do, when nothing works? I been nice and explain it nice 2 her that she can't do that,and tried putting her in the corner,cause she still talks back,and says bad stuff,and yells all the time, if it don't go her way. I tried spanking her,but she just gets loud and still dont listen,nothing works, that i know of. What do i do?
I also have to agree with Ashelens comments. I don't know how old your daughter is, but my son is just approaching two and is most definately pushing those boundaries and is very very strong willed. Not super co operative these days and no question, it is challenging at times.
The first thing I want to say is try really hard not to yell. And I know, not always easy. It's frustrating some times. When I am at that point I take a breathe and a step back. I remind myself that he is the child and I am the adult. He is sort of doing what he is supposed to be doing and how I react is so very important. I also remember that when someone yells at me, it doesn't help with anything..I just shut down. I probably won't hear what you are trying to tell me. I think its the same with children. From there, I find it works better to direct him to what I want him to be doing. So, instead of saying "no hitting" or "no climbing" I say "gentle hands" and take his hands and show him. Or something like "I know your mad and it's ok to be mad, but it's not ok to hit" Or "feet on the floor or bum on the chair" then show him what I want. When he does it I make a huge big deal out of it, clapping my hands and telling him "good boy".
For tantrums, it kind of depends on what the tantrum is about. If he wants something he can't have I'll say..."do you need a hug? You can have a hug, but you can't have that". Again, I work really hard at just staying calm.
I do find these things work. Remember that she is not really trying to be intentionally defiant, she is learning. When Ashelen says' child discipline is hard, I again couldn't agree more. It is hard, and so important. I struggle with it too, and have posted here looking for help more times then I even like to admit. I have gotten some great advice here, and you will too. So keep posting!! Good luck to you. It isn't easy.
The first thing I want to say is try really hard not to yell. And I know, not always easy. It's frustrating some times. When I am at that point I take a breathe and a step back. I remind myself that he is the child and I am the adult. He is sort of doing what he is supposed to be doing and how I react is so very important. I also remember that when someone yells at me, it doesn't help with anything..I just shut down. I probably won't hear what you are trying to tell me. I think its the same with children. From there, I find it works better to direct him to what I want him to be doing. So, instead of saying "no hitting" or "no climbing" I say "gentle hands" and take his hands and show him. Or something like "I know your mad and it's ok to be mad, but it's not ok to hit" Or "feet on the floor or bum on the chair" then show him what I want. When he does it I make a huge big deal out of it, clapping my hands and telling him "good boy".
For tantrums, it kind of depends on what the tantrum is about. If he wants something he can't have I'll say..."do you need a hug? You can have a hug, but you can't have that". Again, I work really hard at just staying calm.
I do find these things work. Remember that she is not really trying to be intentionally defiant, she is learning. When Ashelen says' child discipline is hard, I again couldn't agree more. It is hard, and so important. I struggle with it too, and have posted here looking for help more times then I even like to admit. I have gotten some great advice here, and you will too. So keep posting!! Good luck to you. It isn't easy.
Totally agree with Ashelen ...and how old is this child ., my thoughts to you are try kindness..try walking in her shoes ...
Honestly, how do YOU react to HER when she's bad? Do you react loudly, wave your arms around, yell, get mad? They learn their reactions from us, and I am NOT saying that you're a bad parent (so please don't think so..we've all been there!)
but if you want her to listen calmly, respond calmly, and learn discipline, you need to evaluate how you approach her.
Most kids have the odd tantrum. This is OK and natural. When it becomes regular, or is done "just to be done" yeah you've got behavior issues...but if a tantrum shows up once a day (or, for the younger kids, 2 or 3 times a day) usually there's a trigger and a way to cope with it. Does she become defiant and loud when she's hungry? or tired? how old is she, and how well can she express her needs and frustrations?
A child who cannot express what they are feeling or needing is most likely going to revert to crying, and - if they see you do it - yelling. So the first thing to do would be to figure out WHY the tantrum. if you've gone through everything, her needs are met, and she's still throwing a tantrum, I'd say you find her a quiet place - like her bedroom - and tell her that you want to talk to her when she's calmed down. Don't drag it out TOO long...but give her some time to collect herself.
And when she acts up - whatever you do! - don't raise your voice (I always save voice-raising and spanking for when my kids are endangering their lives. if they are, for instance, about to run into the street...the voice gets raised and they might get a pop...but for everything else, a calm reaction is your best defense). but react calmly, let her know that it's OK to be mad, but that the way she's showing her anger is not acceptable. put her in time-out (1 minute for each year of her age) and reinforce it SILENTLY until her time is up (if she leaves or yells, silently put her back and do not respond to her verbally or physically other than putting her back into time-out). when she comes out, explain to her why she was in time-out. Let her know what she's done wrong and tell her a way that she can avoid doing it that way again (for instance...if she's angry because you didn't let her watch tv...let her know that if she wants to watch tv tomorrow, she can come ask you if you need any help around the house first) and then make sure to follow up with hugs and LET IT GO. If she's younger (say 4 or younger) the best thing to do would be to hug and kiss her and tell her that you understand that she's frustrated or angry, but she needs to learn to use her words. pick a time when she's calm and in the mood to listen, and teach her some words that she can use to express herself. if you aren't letting her do something, she could say (for instance) "I'm angry because I want to do X but you won't let me" or..."I'm yelling because I'm angry at you" and sometimes it's OK if the answer is "I don't know why I'm so mad"...but it's important for her to know how to say that, too.
I'm sorry...without knowing her age it's very difficult to give you precise advice, but maybe some of that ^ will help. I've actually been collecting information from friends of mine as well as professional behavioral specialists about this exact topic because child discipline is so difficult...so maybe some of those tips help.
I'm sure more people will come along and give you some great tips soon.
but if you want her to listen calmly, respond calmly, and learn discipline, you need to evaluate how you approach her.
Most kids have the odd tantrum. This is OK and natural. When it becomes regular, or is done "just to be done" yeah you've got behavior issues...but if a tantrum shows up once a day (or, for the younger kids, 2 or 3 times a day) usually there's a trigger and a way to cope with it. Does she become defiant and loud when she's hungry? or tired? how old is she, and how well can she express her needs and frustrations?
A child who cannot express what they are feeling or needing is most likely going to revert to crying, and - if they see you do it - yelling. So the first thing to do would be to figure out WHY the tantrum. if you've gone through everything, her needs are met, and she's still throwing a tantrum, I'd say you find her a quiet place - like her bedroom - and tell her that you want to talk to her when she's calmed down. Don't drag it out TOO long...but give her some time to collect herself.
And when she acts up - whatever you do! - don't raise your voice (I always save voice-raising and spanking for when my kids are endangering their lives. if they are, for instance, about to run into the street...the voice gets raised and they might get a pop...but for everything else, a calm reaction is your best defense). but react calmly, let her know that it's OK to be mad, but that the way she's showing her anger is not acceptable. put her in time-out (1 minute for each year of her age) and reinforce it SILENTLY until her time is up (if she leaves or yells, silently put her back and do not respond to her verbally or physically other than putting her back into time-out). when she comes out, explain to her why she was in time-out. Let her know what she's done wrong and tell her a way that she can avoid doing it that way again (for instance...if she's angry because you didn't let her watch tv...let her know that if she wants to watch tv tomorrow, she can come ask you if you need any help around the house first) and then make sure to follow up with hugs and LET IT GO. If she's younger (say 4 or younger) the best thing to do would be to hug and kiss her and tell her that you understand that she's frustrated or angry, but she needs to learn to use her words. pick a time when she's calm and in the mood to listen, and teach her some words that she can use to express herself. if you aren't letting her do something, she could say (for instance) "I'm angry because I want to do X but you won't let me" or..."I'm yelling because I'm angry at you" and sometimes it's OK if the answer is "I don't know why I'm so mad"...but it's important for her to know how to say that, too.
I'm sorry...without knowing her age it's very difficult to give you precise advice, but maybe some of that ^ will help. I've actually been collecting information from friends of mine as well as professional behavioral specialists about this exact topic because child discipline is so difficult...so maybe some of those tips help.
I'm sure more people will come along and give you some great tips soon.
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