OMG - I NEED HELP W/ MY SON

[Kimy331]

Where do I begin.. My son, Patrick is 10 and in Public school. He has been mainstreamed with accomodations with an IEP plan from the school. Academically all As, but his inability to get along with others is unbearable, he is constantly getting into with certain kids. When he is at home he is mouthy, but more on the aspect of an adult.. He acts like an adult! He has NO friends. He cant get along with anyone.  I have been divorced from his father since he was 2 years of age and it has been a battle with his dad non stop..  My son's behavior has been out of control recently worse than ever and I dont know what to do. I have him in counselling, social skills class.. but it doesnt seem to work.  I am going out on a limb right now, but about 3 weeks ago, Patrick was talking about this girl, Linda whom his dad had met on the Internet in Iowa that is DYING, my ex husband allows Patrick to talk to her, he talks to her about her dying, etc. The history of my ex is not bad, however he does have 50/50 custody and now I am starting to wonder if his behavior isnt being stimulated from his fathers relationships and him treating Patrick like an adult..  Our marriage broke up because my ex met a girl on the internet, move her and her children down - Patrick Exposed - She is gone....  Met another girl online - Children moved in - Gone..  Met another girl, Linda, -- she is dying -- Patrick is exposed to her and her children -- Now ex doesnt talk to her anymore - Patrick thinks maybe she is Dead --  Now he met another in Louisana with kids.  I am concerned that my ex's behavior might be the root cause of all of this..  Can you help me.. Kim

[LRM1021]

I have a son with ADHD, too. My understanding is that not all the issues with ADHD -- most notably the social issues-- are helped that much by medication. For those issues, counseling and social skills training are required.

It does sound like your son is being exposed to more grown up things than an 11 year old should be. But, on the other hand, most 11 year olds would not worry about them so much. One thing I have learned is that ADHD and anxiety often come together-- especially as ADHD children get older and kinda realize that they are different.

Since it sounds like he still has some behavioral issues that are impeding his social development, I would contact his dr and ask about different things that you can do to help him develop better social skills. One thing that really helps my son with his anxiety and social skills is counseling-- it really showed me how upset he was and how I was not addressing his concerns adequately.

Good luck.

[Kimy331]

Thank you for your help, I do appreciate it..
In the IEP plannings, it is the same thing over and over again.. Patrick has outbursts, other kids pick on him, they want to stick him in a class that has 5 kids in him and isolate him and teach him how not to get along with the other kids in society, but my concern for my child is once he gets into 6th grade (1 more year), it is going to be a different story..   who is going to protect him from his smart mouth? Where is the ESE teacher going to be from the Elementary School? Still at the Elementary School...  and my son will be with a different type of ESE group..  I wanted him mainstreamed to learn to deal with situations, academically he is all straight As..   so he was mainstreamed into 4th grade.. with ESE accomodations..  He was originally diagnosed with ADHD and is on Adderall XR 15mg..  some of the kids in that class bully him and the teacher has 26 kids to 1 teacher.. she cant control them.  I wont let them throw him back into ESE.. I have to help him..  Well just the past 3 weeks, it is out of control -  
     I had an ESE mtg on May 27th, got a call on the 28th.. Major confrontation between 2 boys on May 31st..  Why.. His behavior is really out of control lately and I dont know why.  If anyone had any tidbits for me...  Thank you for listening.. Kim

[Kimy331]

You know.. I think you are right.. I have heard of Aspebergers before and it is a high level of autism.. my son does have straight As.. he has no problems with communication, but it is the way he communicates.. he looks people in the eyes, he talks too much, he has so much energy. I have him on Adderall XR 15mg for ADHD.. I am going to look more into Asbergers.. but I honestly do not see that Diagnosis... in my son, you are correct. Tonight he made a comment about his dad not having money to pay bills, so I proceeded to ask him if he worries about his dad? He said Yes because he says he doesnt have enough money to pay his bills. I asked him, if he thinks I have bills, he said No..  and gosh knows I do..  I asked him if he worries about the girl, Linda, dying, and he says Yes...  I really think he is being treated like an adult and brought into an adult world too fast with his father... and it needs to stop. Patrick, my son is acting out.. He talks and behaves like an adult. Listen, I appreciate your help. Sincerly Kim

[althepal39]

I'm not so sure about  having Aspergers - there are alot of other symptoms that go along with having Aspergers - such as the inability to look people in the eye - and social awkwardness - fixating on things.. almost like autism.  I'd say this child is speaking like an adult because his father treats him too much like an adult and gets him involved in all his personal adult matters.  As for him acting out and not getting along with other kids - he's probably acting out the frustration he feels for his parents not being together and for his Dad allowing all these women to come and go in his life!  What is wrong with the father that he thinks that is acceptable behavior?? And to let him talk to this strange woman about the fact that she is dying - ugh!!!!  This kid should be outside having a catch with his Dad - not on the internet talking to his dying girlfriend.  There need to be some major changes in this kids life - then you will probably see an improvement in his behavior.  

[LRM1021]

I agree with the comments from RockRose.

You mentioned he has an accomodating IEP. What was the diagnosis/ conclusion reached in his IEP meetings?

[RockRose]

It sounds like your son has Aspergers.  Have you ever had him tested?  The real red flag here is talking like an adult -

As unsettling as your husband's lifestyle is,  I don't think it would bring on the symptoms of Aspergers Syndrome in a child.  I do think,  though,  that if your son is staying with his dad for long periods you need to find out about these women who come and go.

Best wishes.