at my wits end with my childs behavior

[wannagiveup]

im a single mother of a six year old girl.........six going on sixteen.......(so she thinks). and like all the other mothers on here ive  tried time outs, but she wants to tell me where and how long the time out will be. witch does not seem right to me. i tend to yell alot .i know this dont work cause now she just yells right back. she wont do any thing i tell her to do. she ususlly just does the excact oppisite. iv also tried spanking but first i have to try and catch her then wrestle her to a posistion so i can get her bottom. by this time she luaghs at me... and im looking and acting like a crazy woman...............on the rare occasion i do catch her and spank her  on the bottom enough to grab her attention... she then tells me how much she hates me and that i dont love her....then she proceeds to cry about how she wants her daddy who is in prison.. i know she only six and should not know much about  minipulating  but she is very good at it............HELP I THINK I GOING TO GO CRAZY!!! i have recently decided to get  some counseling for both of us . but im intrested and open to any feed back any one has.

[wannagiveup]

thanks a ton for your feed back!

[Sandman2]

Sounds like you've got a smart kid!  Who is winning a battle that shouldn't be a battle.
Knock off the spanking.  It won't work.
Do the timeouts by your rules and only your rules.  Make it fair.  Its ok for her to tell where and how long the time out will be.  Just listen to her.  Then do your thing.  But be fair.  Actually sometimes compromise works, if she doesn't repeat the behavior.  If she does, then back to mom's way.
I can understand the yelling - you come home tired and bam!  You don't have to punish her immediately.  Take time out for yourself, calm down and then deal with her.  If you have to wait to the next day to do so - then do so, it will drive her crazy by the way.
Counseling is good - go for it.  If you have the time obtain a copy of Lynn Clarks' book SOS: Help for Parents.  It will help a lot.
  Good luck!