Any thoughts on my grandson's behavior?

[granny1955]

I am going to explain this as quickly as I can. A mother and father separated, both of whom moved in with other people. The mother has the son who is 9 years old. The son was doted upon during the marriage of parents. The 9 year old son has lost a lot after the separation. The mother’s new boyfriend has a 6 year old son and they are all living together in the boyfriend’s house.  A fellow student at daycare teaches the 9 year old about sex. Being that it is at daycare I hope that there is no demonstrations, only talk. Though there is no way to be sure. The 9 year old then comes home and acts out, doing things he was taught at daycare: humping the dog, pulling his pants down in front of a little girl, and hitting the boyfriend’s 6 year old son. Over-all just bad behavior, he is also not doing well in Elementary School; failing. The mother is very worried. The 9 year old is seeing his second therapist, as the first did not help at all. What can be done? The poor baby is in trouble. Not to mention the father is not willing to see the problem and thinks that the mother is the problem.

[Sally44]

I sometimes come over to this forum from the autism/aspergers forums.  I have a son who is high functioning autistic.
I am not suggested your grandson is autistic.  However the fact that he is failing in school should be investigated.  Is this something that appeared before the separation or previously he was doing okay, and now he is failing.
What are his speech and social skills like.  Is he like his peers or is he different.
The post said another child told him about sex education at daycare?  I think it should be asked at daycare what happened (if anything) to give him these ideas that he didn't previously have.
And the fact that he acted out the behaviour with the dog, pulling his pants down etc sounds a bit imature for his age.  Or he may not understand the implications of what he was told ie. he was told what to do, but not who with or when, so the social and relationship context was not explained at all.
If you do suspect that there is something else going on with your grandson then his parents should take him to a paediatrician and should ask for him to be assessed.  Some children with aspergers are not diagnosed until they are 11+ and some never get a diagnosis, but the areas of difficulty they have with social communication and interaction are lifelong and much can be done to help them learn both academically and socially.
Please post back if there are any other things he says or does that concern you.

[sue2u2]

This boy is totally unbalanced the sexually inappropriate behavior is a cry for help. It sounds like his whole self esteem and identity went out the window with his parents marriage. When people are not feeling loved emotionally they sometimes will look for some outside force to fill the gap this is how drug abuse permiscuality(spelling?) stealing and violence start.This whole thing could spell disaster for your grandson. I would suggest if you can step in and provide some healthy outlets perhaps a baseball league or some volunteer work he can do with you for the needy.........he obviously needs an anchoe in this wind storm............I will pray for him/you both

[loisan]

Im sorry to hear, how hard of a time he has with all of this. If i may ask does he live with you? I am a Grandmother of a 29 month old little boy he is an angel.I have had him since he was 16 weeks.My daughter wa married, but after the baby was born she seen a side of him I saw long ago. shes 22 so she never seen what I saw from the start.Hes 26, and very self absorbed always has been due to His moms guilt issues.So 4 moths out of a toltal hip replacement my fiance and I fiqured we would try to help, they were going to marriage counseling, so I thought maybe it is just over whelming and she was yonger than him.Alot of fighting and at 16 weeks old he came to Grandmas and papas. What makes me upset is the state dcf. was out of the ques.unless I was 6ft under. but we have to hear from people how we arent the parents, they have all the rights blah blah blah.I think if anyone has a baby, and cant pay child support or buy milk diapers ect.then until THEY grow up they should not have the right to decide 1 thing about the child.Then almost 3 yrs later they try to get the child to listen,and get upset because he or she doesnt have the capaicity at 3 to understand,the roles of parenting.I dont have to yell at him nor does his papa. hes listened to us since he could understand, the word no,or yes.We have a bond a caregiver should have, we did not spoil him rotten or let him rule our lives.although we do put him first, because a parent should.We did file for temp custody 2 months ago, only because it was like what do you 2 think is going on, and for how long. Heck Id raise him in a min, or hall I say I have.The dad will get another woman and her a man, and God help them, if they get some dip, who doesnt know grammys around,I will always be there for him,I want him to know and love his mom and dad,and be in thier lives as much as possible, I just know through years of living,what all this can do to a child,and it is not good from time to time.A child needs stablity,respect,Love guidance.And a place to call home or they will not excell, they are just lke us grownups,and they will be what they see God Bless and too all the Grandmas and Papas who never stop loving Go for it,even if are right are limited, think of where theyd be if we gave up because all the people sitting behind those desks let our dreams be crushed

[RockRose]

Granny, I'm so sorry for the horrible life your grandson now has.  I think few people realize how devastating it is to children when their parents separate and create all brand new families,  and now the 9 year old doesn't really have a family - he has two places he visits.

Having said that,  another child discussing sex with him didn't cause him to come home and hump the dog and pull his pants down in front of a younger child,  and fail school.  Those acting out behaviors aren't a result of another child talking to him.

I'm glad you're there for him.  Can you see him more than usual - take him on weekends,  etc?  He could really use a grandma right now who loves him.  My guess is,  his mother's boyfriend and father's girlfriend basically shut him out.