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6yr old says "I am the worst girl ever"
I have 2 children one 18 and one 6. My 6 year old daughter grew up witnessing my son go thru his teen years, which wasn't pleasant. She has heard me scream and yell at him numerous times (which I am not proud of). I learned from the mistakes I made with my son and strive not to repeat them with my daughter. She is the model child, kind, loving, funny, smart, caring and compassionate. I have never yelled at her, I've never had to. I fear that because she witnessed what my son and I went through she is frightened to step out of line for fear my reaction will be the same as it was with my son (now out of the house at college). This past year she has begun writing her feelings out on a white board as notes for me. If I had to get on her about something minor she runs and hides and writes me notes saying "I am the worst ever". Again I have to say that I have not yelled at her nor even really raised my voice. I would say something in a firm voice like "Lucy... you have to put that away, I already told you once". That is all it takes to have her quickly complete an assigned task but as soon as that is done she goes in hides in her room and writes me notes stating that she is the worst girl ever and "Do you even love me?". Sometimes she'll say "Im afraid to tell you something" and Ill say you can always tell me anything you want you don't have to be afraid. And she'll say "I feel like you don't love me". How do I get her to stop feeling this way? I do I make her feel secure in my love for her?
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U r not alone everytime I raise my voice a lil and scold my 8yr old she says u hate me. I don't know why girls this age act this way but I have been told it is very common. I have always tried to tell her how special she is and how LUCKY I am to be her mom. I really don't understand either!!
Thanks for saying that jleeflcntrygrl! It does help to know that this is somewhat common although it doesn't really feel that way. I guess its just really hard because it feels like I am lacking somewhere or in someway being a mother. Like I have failed somehow. I know no one can be perfect but after the mistakes I made with my son as a young mother, I strive to be better with my daughter. I feel the most important thing a mother can show her children is love and If she feels sometimes that I don't love her then where did I go wrong. What piece of that puzzle did I miss and how can I find it and put it where it belongs.....
Yes, keep reiterating to her that she is not a bad person but her behavior is bad. And I think she is old enough to understand the difference. Maybe the more you remind her that it's her behavior and not her, the person, it will start to sink in.
Thank you Nursegirl6527 I appreciate your comment. I think and hope you may be right about the your observation that it may be a stage she is going through. We'll just keep on trying to impress on her that we love her and that she is not a bad person just because she may have made a mistake.
My guess is, since she's been a very good child, and you haven't really had to discipline her, she's reacting to that, and is making more out of it than it is. I would suggest just continuing to stress that when you discipline her, or instruct her to do chores, etc, that it has NOTHING to do with your love for her in any way, nor does it mean she's a bad kid, ALL kids need guidance and direction and when warranted, discipline.
Hopefully this is a stage she's going through, and with reassurance, she'll get through it. Best to luck to you!
Hopefully this is a stage she's going through, and with reassurance, she'll get through it. Best to luck to you!
Dear specialmom,
Thank you for your comment. The puzzling part of this is that outwardly she has a pretty good self esteem. She is (to me) amazingly smart. She reads at a late 1st grade level and she is in kindergarten. Her vocabulary is outstanding. She has confidence in about everything she does. My husband and I are happily married and very involved with her every moment we can. We both tell her every single day that we love her, most times more than once. It seems that the only time this arises is when she has done something wrong and we correct her. Like when my husband rough houses with her and its time to stop. Sometimes she (like most kids) cant turn it off right away and we have to tell her in a firm but not loud voice "OK that's enough, lets be done now". That's all it takes and she goes off to her room to hide and write notes to me.
Thank you for your comment. The puzzling part of this is that outwardly she has a pretty good self esteem. She is (to me) amazingly smart. She reads at a late 1st grade level and she is in kindergarten. Her vocabulary is outstanding. She has confidence in about everything she does. My husband and I are happily married and very involved with her every moment we can. We both tell her every single day that we love her, most times more than once. It seems that the only time this arises is when she has done something wrong and we correct her. Like when my husband rough houses with her and its time to stop. Sometimes she (like most kids) cant turn it off right away and we have to tell her in a firm but not loud voice "OK that's enough, lets be done now". That's all it takes and she goes off to her room to hide and write notes to me.
Oh my, so sad to hear this. That's sure tough on a mom's heart.
My son has battled low self esteem. I found it really helpful to set him up for success in activities and around the house--- things that make him feel good about himself and empowered. I am sure to catch what he does right and give praise. This has helped for when he is lamenting with the negative self talk, it is easy to remind him of the things he does well.
Do you think this would help her?
My son has battled low self esteem. I found it really helpful to set him up for success in activities and around the house--- things that make him feel good about himself and empowered. I am sure to catch what he does right and give praise. This has helped for when he is lamenting with the negative self talk, it is easy to remind him of the things he does well.
Do you think this would help her?
Mark, I have asked her why she would ever feel that way and she says simply "I just do". Regarding talking to her about my son, I have indirectly mentioned it. Like when she goes and hides and says that she is the worst girl ever, I have sat down and explained that just because I may not like what she did that doesn't mean I don't love her. That I would always love her no matter what. I would go on to explain that even when mommy is really mad at Austin, I still love him and always will and nothing would ever change that. I want her to always be able to come to me whether it be by notes or by converstations with her feelings so Im glad she is at least communicating her feelings in some way. Now I need to find a way to convince her.
Have you asked her why she feels that you don't love her? Also, have you talked to her about what she witnessed between you and your son? The more that you help her explore her own feelings, the more comfortable she will feel communicating with you.
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