Son's worrisome behavior towards a baby

[nightsky30]

My boyfriend and I walked into the living room when we caught my ten year old son holding his baby's head right above the ground. I saw both hands on her head. My ex swears he saw my son messing with his pants, but I didn't. My son jumped up and left the room. My son swears he was holding her head down because she threw her bottle at him twice and that was the first thing that came to his mind to do. I don't know what to do. My son has never had any sexual tendencies besides once or twice being caught touching himself years ago. He also swears he wasn't doing anything sexual to himself or her and that he was just keeping her from throwing the bottle at him again. What should I do?

[nightsky30]

Thank you all for the feedback. I do appreciate it. I have been fretting over it almost every moment of the day, as you never want someone you love to hurt someone else. I definitely want to raise the best young man I can and figure out issues as they arise. I even looked at previous forum topics from other moms and seems quite common sadly. Maybe it is that we as a society are more aware and proactive towards childrens' behaviors than the past. I hate the idea that due to society or chemicals and such that our children are destined to end up worse than in the past, and quite honestly don't believe our children could have changed that much. Even in the past, children dealt with a broad variety of issues very similar to those present today, just in slight variances.

[AnnieBrooke]

I don't think it sounds sexual, but I do think it sounds like he wasn't behaving appropriately to a smaller child.  In other words, too forceful, not too sexual.

[nightsky30]

Yes, well I was trying to find an actual doctor on here that would advise me. It is nice to have mothers' opinions, but I really need professional advise. I wasn't trying to duplicate so maybe you could quit being so rude Margypops. I can't get him in to the psychologist for at least two weeks due to all of the appointments being full, so I am looking for advise beforehand. I was trying to add and clarify as I was so stressed and crying most of the day for two days over this. How would you feel if the person you love most in the world, who is normally caring, kind, fairly well behaved and overall a good child may have been about to do something questionable or had at least approached handling a baby's behavior wrong? You would be stressed and looking for any help and well thought out advise you could obtain, so please don't be rude and disrespectful about my issues. I certainly wouldn't be with yours.

[margypops]

You have posted something similar to this on the 6-12 year old forum ...you have changed the facts here..I suggest all take a look ,it sounds different ...

[nightsky30]

Yes Sandman2, it was my ex that suggested it was sexual. For a moment I thought the same thing until I saw that his pants were up and both hands were on her head. Then I concluded that it wasn't sexual, but my ex kept adding extra stuff to it afterwards, like that zydan was zipping up his pants, his hand was down there and such. His pants that he wears either don't have zippers or if they do, they have this impossible to unbutton button at the top, so he couldn't have had easy access to anything anyway. The longer I think about it, I definitely think my ex was wrong. I probably would have been pretty upset to see my daughter being held down though, so I might have reacted similar, although I would hope I would be more openminded if I was in the same situation. Anyway, Zydan always gets a lot of attention, and I was rarely around my ex because he lived in a different town, but he did say he was a little jealous because we gave her a lot of attention. Thank you all for your feedback.

[Sandman2]

   Pretty hard to be messing with your pants when you have both hands on the babys head.  Actually, its pretty hard to even comprehend how that would be sexual - was it your ex that suggested that?
   Spend your time showing your son how to work with your baby.  Thats a lot more productive then dragging him to a psyc at his age.  Also the extra time spent with him is important.  Having a new baby around usually means less time for the other child, and he is still at an age when that is important to him

[nightsky30]

He was sitting on the floor and she was kind of sitting in front of him. He was holding her head down close to his crotch with both hands, but his pants were not down. Thank you st331. I did sit down and calmly discuss it with him and he is still telling me that he was holding her head down because she threw her bottle at him twice and the last one hurt so he held her head down so she couldn't see to throw the bottle at him again. I am not sure what to think, but my boyfriend dumped me for it. I may have my son see the psychologist just to make sure, but I called his daycare and other people who have had him around their children, and they have never seen him do anything sexual to their children, or even hurt any of the babies for that matter. Regardless, he shouldn't have held her head, but that could have just been something he did because he didn't know how to handle her throwing stuff at him.

[RockRose]

nightsky,  I can't tell what you're describing.  What do you mean,  holding the baby's head above the ground with both hands on her head?  I can't even picture what that would look like,  especially how that would look sexual to anyone.  

[st33l]

hi this is a very awkward situation for you all, at 10 years old alot of kids hear things about sexual stuff at school so they are very curious. he may be telling the truth, but then on the other hand may be too scared to tell you what you think he was doing. may be you should calmley sit him down and explain to him that it is wrong and he cant do things like that untill he is an adult. dont make a big deal out of it but just keep an eye on him with her. hope this helps ...