Aa
Withholding Birthday Gifts
Is it fair to a child (5 yr. old) to withhold his birthday gifts, and not allow him to have them until he earns a number of good behavior points? He'd get one every now and then, as his behavior and points dictated.
My son in law thinks this is a good idea, but his wife isn't sure.
My son in law thinks this is a good idea, but his wife isn't sure.
Oh yeah, duh-- before I spoke to the school I would also speak to the Mom and maybe even encourage her to speak to her husband. See if she can have a positive impact but be prepared for the fact that he might just steamroll her and you might have to contact the school anyway.
I'm sorry to have to say this but, having just read your other post as well about whether it's good for a 5 year old to cry aka is it good for a kid's father to consistently *make* them cry...And it sounds like the father of this child, I guess if it is the same child then we're talking about your son--in-law, is psychologically and/or emotionally abusing his kid.
Now, he may not even KNOW he's abusing his kid-- your other post mentioned how he thought he was teaching his kid to be flexible by himself, the dad, being utterly unreliable--but he's doing it nonetheless and it's not good for the kid. So my first step in addressing this would be to tell the father directly, what's wrong with his behavior and how it could hurt his kid. If he really cares about his kid he will listen and want to correct these mistakes; if he doesn't, or if he simply doesn't believe you and can't be bothered to do any reading of the subject which would inevitably confirm how problematic his parenting is-- I would talk to the child's school about it.
And, if you're very unlucky and your school doesn't do anything about it, I would call Child Services.
The poor kid is going to be scarred for life if someone doesn't step in here and stop his father from making him miserable in order to "train" him.
Now, he may not even KNOW he's abusing his kid-- your other post mentioned how he thought he was teaching his kid to be flexible by himself, the dad, being utterly unreliable--but he's doing it nonetheless and it's not good for the kid. So my first step in addressing this would be to tell the father directly, what's wrong with his behavior and how it could hurt his kid. If he really cares about his kid he will listen and want to correct these mistakes; if he doesn't, or if he simply doesn't believe you and can't be bothered to do any reading of the subject which would inevitably confirm how problematic his parenting is-- I would talk to the child's school about it.
And, if you're very unlucky and your school doesn't do anything about it, I would call Child Services.
The poor kid is going to be scarred for life if someone doesn't step in here and stop his father from making him miserable in order to "train" him.
Not only is it unfair, this is psychologically mentally disturbing for the child of that age.
Your son in law seems to have a domineering and bullying character. This tactic of not giving his 5 year old a birthday present because he has to have enough "earned points", is as bad as mentally abusing his child and changing his mind about who picks the child up from school and deliberately taking him half an hour late to school, when it had already been agreed that the granddad was going to take the child to school early.
As the child grows up and has to prove his worth in receiving a present, he may end up with the same attitude as his father.
Sandman2 has given you a good suggestion with regard to getting a book with regard bringing up children.
I presume this must be the first child. Parents usually are more strict with their first child. Perhaps the son-in-law was brought up that way by his parents.
When a 5 year old is misbehaving, they need to be told that what they are doing is wrong and why. The parent can still say "I love you, but I do not like what you are doing." Young children have a very short memory span. A wrong doing should be sorted out as soon as possible, and not dwelt on.
As your 5 year old cries a lot, seems as he is a very sensitive little boy.
I do hope you have a talk with your daughter so that she can have a say in how her son is being brought up. It is important the parents do support each other with regard to discipline, otherwise the child will get even more confused.
Your son in law seems to have a domineering and bullying character. This tactic of not giving his 5 year old a birthday present because he has to have enough "earned points", is as bad as mentally abusing his child and changing his mind about who picks the child up from school and deliberately taking him half an hour late to school, when it had already been agreed that the granddad was going to take the child to school early.
As the child grows up and has to prove his worth in receiving a present, he may end up with the same attitude as his father.
Sandman2 has given you a good suggestion with regard to getting a book with regard bringing up children.
I presume this must be the first child. Parents usually are more strict with their first child. Perhaps the son-in-law was brought up that way by his parents.
When a 5 year old is misbehaving, they need to be told that what they are doing is wrong and why. The parent can still say "I love you, but I do not like what you are doing." Young children have a very short memory span. A wrong doing should be sorted out as soon as possible, and not dwelt on.
As your 5 year old cries a lot, seems as he is a very sensitive little boy.
I do hope you have a talk with your daughter so that she can have a say in how her son is being brought up. It is important the parents do support each other with regard to discipline, otherwise the child will get even more confused.
COMMUNITY LEADER
At this age it is not fair. Around 9 or 10 when kids can understand long term effects, it might be productive. But, even then you are taking something that was freely given and putting conditional strings on it. This is not Halloween candy.
Anyway, kids need immediate reinforcement at this age if you want behavioral change. Since this is not immediate, it will not really have any positive effect on the child. If your son wants to effect his child's behavior, I suggest he get and closely read and follow (or better yet, you buy it for him),
"SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.
Hope this helps.
Anyway, kids need immediate reinforcement at this age if you want behavioral change. Since this is not immediate, it will not really have any positive effect on the child. If your son wants to effect his child's behavior, I suggest he get and closely read and follow (or better yet, you buy it for him),
"SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.
Hope this helps.
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