6 year old's Behaviour

[tricksybell]

I have a 6 year old son, middle child with 15 year old brother and 1 year old sister. His behaviour is becoming increasingly agressive towards myself. If he is told no, not now, in a minute or to stop something then he screams and shouts, hits and kicks me. He will repet things over and over like "I want it" even if we don't have any of what he wants. He does not do this at school or in childcare. He has done this while walking home from school or at the shops a few times but it is mainly at home. He will do the same thing with his siblings, father and friends. This happens repeatedly, 3 or 4 episodes, every day. Any ideas?

[Sandman2]

  I agree with all of the above ideas. The key is that he is fine at school and childcare.   This typically means that he has learned how to get his way (or get attention) at home.  As specialmom said, being the middle one is tough.   Just remember to keep all of the punishments immediate.    I think he is still a bit too young to take away (say) tv for something he did in the afternoon as the only consequence.  If you want to also take something away after the immediate timeout, that is ok.  

[specialmom]

I'm going to recommend a book for you called "love and logic".  It is excellent.  

And remember it takes time to correct bad behavior------- it does not happen over night.  Make a plan and stick to it and it may take 3 or 4 weeks to see a difference.

good luck

[tricksybell]

Thanks, he's in childcare for 1 hour after school till I finish work and he gets plenty of exercise and we've reduced bedtime by an hour hoping extra sleep would help, sadly not. Hubby and I both spend time with him but it is hard because of the other kids we have. He knows that his behaviour is not acceptible because we talk about it regularly - what he did, how he felt, how I felt and what do we do now but nothing is changing. If anything he is getting worse.

[mammo]

He only does this at home because he can!  You need to look at how you are disciplining him for this behavior.  Somewhere he learned he could get by behaving this way with the family, but knows it will not be tolerated at school.  He needs to know there are consequences for his bad behavior, and it has to be something that matters to him. He has to understand that this is not acceptable behavior anywhere!

[specialmom]

Arrgg.  Did he recently start back up at school?  He may be over tired and "holding it together" while at school and then falling apart with 'safe' people (you).  I'd move your bedtime earlier by 15 minutes and then after a week, 15 minutes again to get some extra shut eye.

Also, school may be becoming more frustrating for him as the work gets harder.  If he has any issues with reading or using a pencil, even if mild, he will have lots of pent up frustration at his age in school.  

I'd track triggers by writing down what directly preceded an episode and look for anything in common.  Knowing the trigger helps with a solution.  

I think that I'd talk about emotions with him and give him kid language to use his words to express himself better regarding his mood.  He's in a tough place with a much older sibling and a much younger "baby" at home.  So make sure you give him some one on one attention.  Also make sure that his older sibling is talking respectifully to him as sometimes kids mimic what they see and hear.  Role play being really mad and make it exagerated------- get all flabbergasted and then stop and handle things in a calm way.  This is helping him see, hear and feel how he should handle situations better than just expecting him to know.  Give him alternatives to what he does now.

Physical activity is really important for a boy of 6.  He needs to be out running and playing, swimming and jumping after school.  Not in daycare as much as that crazy outside wild time.  It can make a huge difference on behavior.  

Lastly, time out can work.  Be consistent.  Tell him if he is yelling, you will not talk to him.  He must use a calm voice for you to listen.  And if he hits-------- a clear consequence that is a hot button for him is in order.  No tv tonight or no karate class today etc.  Tell him the rules ahead of time----- you hit, X happens.  You hit again, X and Y happen.  Then follow through.
good luck