My 5 y/o told me that an 11 y/o touched her inappropriately

[courtneybush]

My 5 y/o daughter recently told me that my 11 y/o nephew pulled down her pants and put his tongue on her "pee pee". She continued to tell me that he did it on several occassions, and that she saw him do the same to my niece as well. I know that this cannot be normal. I talked extensively to her about it, she understands that it is wrong, and does not seem to be too affected by it.The bad thing is that I can't completely isolate her from him because he is my nephew, but they will be directly supervised at all times. My sister in law is contemplating putting him in counseling. I am wondering if I should take any futher actions; such as seeing her medical doctor or a counselor. I did examine her genital areas to make sure everything looks okay, and she denies any other contact. I don't want to ignore the situation, but at the same time I do not want to make it worse. Please help.
  

[yngdad]

I agree u need to call the police ASAP! Who knows what he could possibly do to other children or already has. His mother doesn't need to contemplate, this boys needs help NOW! If he only licked her down there then there is no reason to go to the doctor. U looked at it and u say its all intact, so I wouldn't worry about that. But, call the police, so they can get him some help since the mother doesn't seem to really care. Get ur daughter into counceling as well.

[tinkerbell1124]

I TOTALLY AGREE with Ashelen. As I sat here rereading it. I don't care who did it! IF someone did that to my child the FIRST thing I would do is call the police!!!! I don't care if I never talked to that part of the family again!!! A good friend of my was molested by her grandfather when she was young. I'd say around 6. She NEVER said anything to her parents ( well she tried to but just couldn't) She's 29 years old and STILL has issues with it. Up until last xmas me and her x boyfriend, and her cousin were the only people who knew. I KNOW it killed her inside. Even now that her grandfather has been dead for a few years. Somehow it ended up coming out. For a while ALOT of her family wouldn't speak to her, called her a liar. I KNEW she wasn't lying about it. She came to me crying one day when we were like 14 or 15. Something like this is NEVER ok! and can't just be brushed off!!!

[tinkerbell1124]

I would take her into the dr to get checked out. BUT the dr may call someone on the situation at hand. This is NOT something to take lightly at all. And she shouldn't be contemplating, she should be DOING IT!!!!!! An 11 year old boy should no better then to do that. Especially  to a family member.

[Ashelen]

yes take her to the doctor, and you need to call the police. you absolutely MUST isolate her from her cousin. just because he is family does not excuse the fact that he MOLESTED your baby. your sister in law needs to do more than CONTEMPLATE counseling. he has become a bonafide molestor now. at 11 he is old enough to know that what he did was WRONG. your daughter needs to be taken to counseling to be evaluated by a PROFESSIONAL to ensure that she does not have any lasting effects from this. I was molested from the ages of 2-5 by an older cousin and I absolutely still have things about it that hurt me to this day.

You cannot react "too big" to this....but you CAN react "too small" and leave your daughter in danger. even if you have to tear the family apart about this, your daughter is WORTH IT. you will NOT make it worse by calling the police....your nephew NEEDS HELP too...most likely he was abused at some point. and even if he wasn't, there is a very very good chance (statistic have proved) that he will do this AGAIN if he hasn't done it BEFORE to another child. he needs counseling and if your sister-in-law will not do this and take it VERY SERIOUSLY....you need to get the police involved. she has 2wks to sign him up for counseling, and if she doesn't you are calling the police and he will be court-ordered to counseling. that's what I would do. my family, too, tried to "ignore it" and make it "go away" and thought I would "get over it"...well I didn't, and I suffered all through my childhood until I was a teenager and finally my parents had to realize that I was NOT normal and I was suffering from what had happened to me.

i'm sorry that I sound so harsh but as a survivor of child molestation I know how much it can affect her even though it doesn't seem like it now...and if your niece was exposed to his abuse as well, she needs to be counseled. in fact....at this point....rethinking it....I would completely skip the talk with your sister in law and go straight to the police. incestual sexual abuse accounts for the majority of cases and most people don't "make a stir" because they're afraid of causing family problems....well the VICTIM deserves to be protected as well as any future victims, and the molestor does NOT deserve to be protected the same way.

I'm sorry like I said I know I sound harsh...but this is your little girl. she can and will heal, but only if you take the right steps to ensure that this doesn't turn her into one of those kids who goes on to abuse other kids because she has confused and guilty feelings about what happened to her....which is most likely what happened to your nephew and will possibly also happen to your niece if your family doesn't take action.

best of luck hon I'm very sorry this happened it's an awful feeling....but do the right thing for your little girl. a professional counselor will help her deal with what she may be feeling about it, and they will help her learn to cope with the feelings that come up over the years so that she doesn't end up feeling like a freak. please message me if you have any questions.

[margypops]

As you say you will be supervising her at all times, have you spoken to your nephew, , what has he said when faced with what he did to your daughter,if you are concerned something further happened it may be a good idea to get advice from your doctor .I see you are her father, may I ask what her Mom thinks about this ?