my 4 years old son

[Joe2006]

hi, i have  4 years old son and he is so active he has to touch and play with everything & i got used to that but lately his behaviors became really aggressive he likes to do just what tease me or tease his dad , he writes on home walls shout, hit and insult us i really dont know what to do i tried to talk to him in a nice way or shout on him or even send him to his room and close the door or punish him by saying you cant go with your friends at school to picnic, i tried all that but unfortunitly nothing worked out am really so disapointed and sad i don't know what to do, please help me and tell me the way to make my son listen to me. By the way he has self confedent and a very strong personality.

thanks

[benjimom]

Sounds like hte strong willed child or what they call the Spirited child.  My son is like that.   I think sometimes these children see themselves as equals to authority.  Give him choices (limited of course).  I agree with specialmom, cut out yelling and hitting them or spanking only makes these types of kids worse and more aggressive.  He could be touching people as a sensory issue.   My son is like this. It's TOUGH.   When he does well, thank him and give him POSITIVE reinforcement, it's easy to get caught up in a cycle of negativity with these types.  Kids are just darn tough!!!

[specialmom]

Don't you just love 4?  It is like the new 16!!  I think for an energetic little guy like this, your job as a parent is to give him outlets for it.  Get him as much physical activity as possible.  Take him outside and to a park or just even in the yard and run run run.  Sign him up for something like swim lessons or soccer.  If in the house, structure play time.  Have some of the play be physical play be physical play.  Make an obstacle course for him to crawl, jump and spin through.  Put on music and dance.  Take a mattress and put it on the floor and let him jump.  Let him make a pillow pile to crawl through and then have a pillow fight.  The more of that type of thing he does, you may see a later calming affect.  

As far as talking rudely.  That is most often learned behavior.  Does anyone he is around talk rudely?  If you yell at him, he will most assuredly become a yeller.  If you smack him out of anger, he will hit.  So---------  try to stay as calm as possible.  Give a strong willed child choices.  They are much more apt to follow through if given a choice and they've chosen than when they are just told what to do.  You control the choices so it is not as if they are getting their way.  I also believe in natural consequences.  If they write on the wall, buy those magic sponges and they must use the sponge to clean it off.  Throw a toy and the toy is gone.  Knock a chair over or make a mess, they have to clean it up.  If they yell, you do not speak to them while they are yelling.  Natural consequences for their actions.  

I'd do a bean in a jar type thing.  For every time he does something that pleases you-----  he gets a bean to put in his bean jar.  When he gets 30 beans he will get to do something of his choice.  Positive reinforcement works well for the majority of kids!