uncontrollable 9year old

[Lorraine1977]

My daughter is 9 years old, up until she was 5 she was the sweetest girl. But then she started not listening or doing her little chores. Every year it got worse, she doesn't want to do any chores just playing or watching tv. She is constantly arguing with her sister (7) and they sometimes end up hitting each other. She ignores everything I say or ask and we are always arguing.  She want everything her way, without thinking about the consequenses. When she doesn't get her way I get a mean look from her. What I don't understand, is she would be "normal" for a week or so, and would wake up grumpy one morning and we would be in for angry tantrums for a week or up to three weeks.  She finds it hard to keep friends, because she's nice for some time, and then she's angry and mean again.  She is very bright, I had her at a pshycologist, but to no avail.  I tried everything, her diet, looking at her environment, what could upset her, doing different activities, nothing made a change. It makes it extra difficult when your one child is behaving and the other one is difficult. Could it be a medical problem?

[AnnieBrooke]

Sleep apnea, or also allergies can really affect a child's sleep.  Sometimes there is a lot of pollen in the air and sometimes not, and the child will sleep poorly if something she is allergic to is affecting her breathing.  Lack of rest will definitely affect mood.

[Sandman2]

   Good points.  also does she show any signs of sleep anea?   That can cause a  lot of the problems you are talking about.

[AnnieBrooke]

"I had her at a pshycologist, but to no avail.  I tried everything ..."

It sounds like you thought the psychologist would push a button and change your daughter to suit your desires.  How long did she see someone, and what did the psychologist say?  And most important -- you have 'tried everything,' did you try talking to the psychologist yourself about your parenting style and methods?  Naturally you would like your little girl to remain the angel she used to be, but she is in the early stages of hormones coming in and perhaps your old parenting approaches are no longer appropriate.  A good counselor could suggest to you some new ways to approach her.  Have you read any useful books like the "Love and Logic" book or the "How to Talk to Your Kids So They Will Listen and Listen So They Will Talk" books?  I would not be so quick to label my child as having a medical problem if I had not first carefully re-assessed the way I approach her and speak with her.  (As one of my books said, parents think they are talking with their kids, when most of the time they are merely lecturing them or preaching to them.)

Anyway, I suggest talking to a counselor who deals with children and parents, and describing in a straightforward way what it is you say to your daughter when she is doing what she does.  See if the counselor can spot some patterns that are unproductive, and suggest some other ways to go.

Good luck!