4.5 year oldboy not social in boy groups

[Muguette]

İ've a 4.5 old boy who is our only child. He's very sensitive and likes quite plays like lego, drawing etc.
In kindergarden he's the smalest in age and still doesn't like to play with boys. He is good with girls who have the similar personality with him but this keeps him alot out of games. I'm not sure if he's unhappy of this situation because he likes to go to the kindergarden.
According the teachers he refuses the boys because they plays like "crazy" for him. I'm still conserned if the problem is that he's smaller but they told me that he would be worser in the lower age group since he's far over his age in emotions and scills.
He had also strange questions if he also can have a pink bed and if boys can change into girls.
What do you beleive is the problem? What should we do?

[Sandman2]

      Not a huge age span difference if it is accurate.  Of course, if all the boys are 6+ months older and the girls are younger - that could be part of the problem.   You might want to see how the age/sex breakdown occurs.
     I would try and find at least one boy that you could invite over for brief play dates and try and build on that friendship.
     The teachers should also be trying to involve all of the kids in games that they all can play together.
      All in all, if he is only about 6 months behind - things should be ok after awhile.  But, you can help him work on friendships.  He only needs one  to be happy.

[Muguette]

Hi we're in Turkey. The others in his class are in avarage 4-6 months older. İt's normal for children if parents are working to go to kindergarden that starts at age 3. The program is age oriented.
He's in the same class since 2 years now. This year they need to learn reading and writing (its the last year befor school).

[tiredbuthappy]

honestly, it sounds like others have a problem, not him. You make it sound as if he is happy. He goes to school willingly, he performs well, and he has found children he identifies with. Even if he is a little "different" from the typical 4 year old boy, I don't see any warning signs other than that those around him will have to learn to accept him. I agree with sandman- 4 IS very young for kindergarten. However, I wonder if it is preschool and something was lost in translation.

[Sandman2]

   The only problem I see is that he is very, very young for his age!
In the US, all states have an age requirement to enter K or first grade (for a very good reason).  A child has to be 5 between Sept through Dec to enter Kindergarten.  Thus I am guessing that you are not in the US?  If you are, I certainly would like to know what state you are in so I can correct my information.
   I also wonder if you live below the equator?  North of the equator, kids are just starting school and I doubt if the teachers would have enough info to know how he is in relationship to the other kids.
  Frankly, to say that he is, "he's far over his age in emotions and scills, "  as a kindergartner is ridiculous as that age group can change so quickly.  And teachers should be able to adjust inside the classroom to different abilities.  Frankly, I think they probably really like him and don't want to see him moved out of the class.
   If you are in another country, then it does come down to how old the other kids in the class are.  If he is by far the youngest, he could be at a significant disadvantage as he moves through the school system.  This will effect his self esteem, etc.  It certainly will effect his ability to compete in sports (which can also effect how he views himself).
   Finally, its not unusual for boys of this age to be shy.  Especially if they have had no other brothers or sisters to play with.  And if this is his first experience with  a school situation (with a lot of kids), its even more normal.
    I really need to know how long he has been in this class and where you are before I could make recommendations about what to do (if anything).  I will say that as a retired school principal, I think that there are some things that the teachers could be doing to help him.

[Muguette]

Thank you both.
For me there would be no problem if he's gay, bi or trans. His father besides is very sensitive and forces him to be a "real" boy... Thats so sad :(

[margypops]

I dont think at 4 year old it means anything other than with his small size he is comfortable with girls who do play quieter games , and well I see manly men wearing pink shirts and ties ..Time will tell if there is a 'problem' and as his mom you will deal with it anyway ...good luck

[AnnieBrooke]

It sounds like he identifies with girls.  This should not ruin kindergarten for him, even if he doesn't like to play games with boys.

Whether this is a passing thing or a true sexual/gender identification remains to be seen.  Your job is the same in either case, which is love, acceptance and support.  Don't push on him to play games with boys if he doesn't want to play games with boys.  Let him feel supported by you no matter what he likes to do.

I do know of a mother whose son, by age 8, was entirely sure he was transgendered.  She has blogged about it, if you would like, here's a link to one of her posts.  http://georgejessielove.wordpress.com  I am not saying this is what is true for your son, but his questions about whether boys can change into girls and wanting pink bedding and the behavioral things you list, at least open that possibility.  I might add, if that is what is going on, you need to understand transsexuality and be ready to be there for him.  There is no research suggesting that a person who truly knows he or she is the opposite sex, can be changed or is wrong.  And some kids know early.