Depression Help

[deb398]

Hey Everybody, I wanted to send an update on getting help for my depression. As of today 4-16-2012 I am still having a horrible time getting anytype of help. I have called my insurance company on numerous occassions to find a doctor that treats adults using ECT. So far I have just got a big run around, they give me the names of doctors and of course they do not treat adults with ECT. I am just about at the end of my rope with these people that work for my insurance company. My depression is getting worse and I cannot get any help, I just do not know what to do next!!! I have made it very clear how desperate I am to find a doctor, and I even told them I am trying to save my life because I have tried to commit suicide on 3 separate occasions, but still no help!!  I think people just do not take depression and suicide serious to this very day and that is why so many people kill themselves, and that is such a damn shame. If anyone has any recommendations for me PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!! My depression is getting worse every day, I want to get better and feel like a human being again. I am tired of living in a little black tunnel!!!!  And NO, I am not planning on hurting myself, I have my 2 babies to take care of ( my 2 cats Abby and Sweetie). I worry though that the depression could completely take over. In 2007 I had a major breakdown when I found out that my husband of 15 and a half years was having an affair. The breakdown was so bad that I also had an emotional blackout (No, I do not, drink, smoke, or do drugs) and had to be hospitalized, the doctors told me that I was under so much stress already that the affair just pushed me over the edge!  I do not remember anything that I did for about 6 weeks, and the doctors have told me that hopefully I will never be able to remember those weeks. They think it would cause me to have a much harder time knowing what I did, rather than not knowing what I did. They have also told me that I have had so much trauma in my life and have had so much trouble with the things that I do remember, that they do not want or think that I will ever be able to remember what I did in 2007. They know that I would never ever intentionally hurt anyone, or destroy anyones property! I am so grateful that I did not hurt myself or anyone else, but the house did not fare as well, but everything that I destroyed was repaired. I did not know it when all of this horrible stuff was happening to me, but my ex told me when I got better that there had been a gun in my home, and I am so thankful that I did not find that gun, because only God knows what I may have done if I had found it!   I know God was keeping me from finding it, because If I had who knows, I was so out of it that I may have hurt or killed myself or my ex husband, and I could not live with myself if I had hurt anyone!    So, I know how fast depression can get out of control before you even know it!!  I never ever want that to happen to me again, so I am desperate to get my depression under control again!!!!  I would appreciate if anyone has any ideas on how to get my insurance to help me, or any other ideas to help me with my depression!!!!      Thanks soo much Deb

[deb398]

Hey Dan, when i wrote on the post last night, I was not doing bad, but today my depression has really gotten even worse. I have been trying to find a dr. to help me and one that will take my ins., but all I have got for weeks is no no no, I even told these idiots how bad my depression is, and that on 3 seperate occassions I tried to commit suicide. I think dr's only care about making money instead of helping to keep someone alive!! I am sorry that I sound like I am feeling sorry for myself,  I'm not, I just want some damn help, and I cannot get it!  I am not rich and cannot just write them a check! Who knows what is going to happen anymore, maybe somebody will help me!!  I am sorry!    I have to work tommorrow so I am going to try to go to sleep! I hope everyone had a great day!!!!  Deb

[paint0]

I have been there with the depression/anxiety situation, and it can be devastating.  The meds didn't work for me.  Look into TMS therapy (Transcranial Metallic Stimulation)...by Eurostar.  It is not cheap (some insurance companies will cover some of it)..not uncomfortable, and, after 9 treatments out of the 30 total I will have, I see an enormous improvement.  Not 100% yet...but so much better than before.  Two weeks or so ago, I couldn't do anything.....had no interest in anything....felt like I might not be able to stand to go on.
So sorry.  I don't wish this horrible experience on anyone.
God Bless.....

[mojogal]

Hi, I am new to this forum. I have chronic Lyme disease and have been depressed most of my life. I had tried to kill myself 3 times and the only way I found help was to admit myself into a psychiatric unit of a hospital. There they can put you on the right medication, give you ETC if they feel you need it and the group support really helped me. I don't know if you would consider it but it was helpful to me. Good luck.

[forgottensick]

Sounds good to me Deb.
Dan

[Iamrobert10007]

Clinical depression treatment centers should carry out a detail study regarding the patient’s   personality, family dynamics, and background before suggesting medicinal treatment.

[deb398]

Hey forgottensick, thanks for replying. I have had depression for as long as I can remember and I have taken evey anti depressant that I can find. The problem is my body doesn't tolerate them because of the side effects. The last one that I was taking caused me to throw up every time I took it. So my last hope is that I can get the ECT treatment, I have done alot of research on ECT and they have changed the way the procedure is done, and I have been told that it has helped alot of people when nothing else has worked! This is my last chance to get better, because I cannot tolerate the side effects from the pills. I am not giving up, but I know that my depression is getting worse each day. About 20 years ago at separate times I did try to commit suicide, and I thank God that I did not succeed because I do not want to die, but that little voice has started to come back again. I do not blame my ex for cheating on me, I am used to it. I have been through pure hell my entire life. My Mother has always hated me, and I am the black sheep of the family! My 1st ex husband tortured me for 8 long years, and in 2007 I had a nervous breakdown when I found out that my last husband was cheating on me and now everybody has turned on me, except for God and my 2 cats. I do know they Love me, so I live for them, I gave up on happiness many years ago!  It is so nice to hear that another human on this planet also thinks that cheating is wrong. Why would someone want to get married if that person is just gonna cheat? I will never understand it!!!!    I hope that you are doing OK!!!!  NO MORE GUNS!!!!!!  If I have to fight to live, then you have to do it also, I tell you what we may not know one another, but we will fight to keep each other alive, OK!!!!!  I am not a bossy person, I am a very quiet person, but I do not want you to hurt yourself OK!!!! We will fight this depression monster together!!!!!  Thank you so much for responding, It has made me feel just a little bit better!  I have to work at my part time job tomorrow and Sat. so I will be back on line this weekend! I hope you have a great day!!!!!  Deb

[forgottensick]

Hi Deb. It sounds like you are in a really bad place right now. Why do you feel ECT is your only option?  Have you tried medications?  I can understand where you are coming from because I have 3 ex wives that all cheated on me and then took everything I had, including my kids. I can`t even explain the resentment I have for each of them. I have never cheated and don`t believe in it. I believe if you truely love someone, you could never hurt them like that. But it happens and it really *****. My heart goes out to you. I lost a little over 2 months of my life from one of them. I have no idea what I did, but I came around on the other side of the country. Talk about being lost. I have tasted the barrel of a gun a couple times but for some reason I couldn`t do it. I am so glad now that I didn`t. I`m still on antidepressants and after trying many different kinds, we found one that works. Long term anxiety and depression turn into bipolar disorder. I have ups and downs but am able to deal with them now. I really hope you can find something that will work for you besides ECT.  That is so extreme. I had shock treatment years ago. It changed me in ways I really don`t like. I don`t seem to be able to care as much as I should about things now.
I also hope you dan`t blame yourself for what your ex did. What he did to you and your family was dirty and selfish. Nobody deserves to have that happen to them. A couple months ago I lost my doctor and had to go cold turkey off my meds. I was having a breakdown bad. I found myself on my knees with the phone in my hand begging for help from everybody even saying I wanted to end it all. The only one that offered to help me was the local mental health clinic and they couldn`t get me in for another 43 days!! That is when I realized that nobody in the medical community really cares. It`s all about the money to them. I didn`t give up though. You have to keep trying to get any help you can get for right now. Don`t give up. Remember that ECT is considered a last ditch treatment and most doctors won`t even consider going there until they know nothing else works. I think you will get a lot farther by just getting in to see a doctor for anxiety/depression. Then when they find out that ECT worked for you before, they might be more willing to approve that treatment for you. I really feel for you but also feel that you can get through this. Except what help you can get for now because it is better than nothing and is at least a step in the right direction. Thank goodness you have reasons to stick around and keep trying. Never give up!!!
  Dan