Can't face people

[Tiggigiz]

I'm currently taking mirtazapine for depression, which was brought on in part, my daily migraines and also problems at home that's whittled me away. I hit rock bottom August last year and have been signed off work since then because I just have a hard time coping daily.
On top of this, I can't face anyone, Ive always had an issue with social situations as I'm lacking in confidence, so always think I'm going to say or do something wrong and the other person will just think I'm stupid. So I shy away from meeting people, I could only manage it if the other person was very talkative and out-going so wouldn't notice my one worded answers or simple nods of the head in a conversation!
BUT, right now, I'm so very low and have so much hate and anger towards myself, that now that my depression has taken over, I can't go out, I leave the house only if I have to! (My chronic migraines and constant brain zaps make me basically bed bound anyway) I don't talk to anyone and avoid people
I broke down in front of my doctor because someone I knew was in the waiting room at the same time and I was petrified she would see me
I was out the other day and because I couldn't remember the way to a supermarket, got so confused I couldn't hold a thought and had to abandon my chore and come home. I no longer see friends, or talk to them.
I am becoming a complete mess!
My fiancé doesn't understand as he is a social person! How do I get him to see how it is for me!? Even being there in the doctors when I broke, doesn't seem to have got through to him and when he had a friend round last night (I stayed in another room the whole time) he came and asked me to say hello to them!?!?!

Sorry for the very long post, I'm not sure how to explain in shorter words, although I know I've run the risk of no one bothering to read it :-/
Thank you if you have though

[Bubulous]

It will be difficult to help your fiance understand.  You said it yourself, he is a social person.  When you have a lot of hate and anger in yourself that is what you put out.  It is your outlook on the world and although it is possible to communicate these feelings in a healthy way, it is qutie difficult to communicate that the glass is half empty when you are talking to a person who sees it as half full.
It is definitely going to take work as it is not easy to fight out of depression.  I know because I have just worked my way out of it and my view on the world is still current enough in my mind that I can easily recall how I saw it as dark and painful.
You can start here if you like. Online communication and socialization is not as difficult as real world interactions.  I found this place a long time ago when I was in depression and come back now everytime I am out of it to reconnect with the people I met and help those still struggling.
You can tell us what your interests are and you will likely find someone else who shares an interest in those things as well.  A lot of our social anxiety comes from the desire to connect with others (which is in our nature) against the fear of not being accepted or validated as the character we have become.  We may be triggered constantly and feel that if we disagree or argue with someone we will lose them as a friend.  In order to protect ourselves we learn to be adaptable but in doing so we have to change who we are sometimes.  That is one of the most difficult things a person can do if you think about it.  To develop a whole new personality just to relate!!!!!  If this were not true than there would be no social problems.  If each of us were accepted and felt value or self worth, why would there be a need to isolate.
Unfotrtunately this is true, however believing that you are alone is the worst lie we can tell ourselves.  We are part of a community whether we are active in it or not.  I am a person who struggles with bipolar, there are many like me.  I can relate to them, to those with social anxiety, and those with depression.  You can find them all here and out there but if it is too difficult to go out there, then please come back here.

[von123678]

Sounds like you may be on the wrong antidepressant.
I have had many struggles with meds but I found Citalopram to be very effective in dealing with anxiety and depression.
Yvonne

[drnickhayman]

Hey Tiggigz dont get yourself down, you came to this forum for help and if you look around there are plenty of helpful people here. At times I feel like i want to shut the world away and just have alone time and sometimes I get to do just that. My partner understands that I spend a lot of my time helping people talking to people and being very social and its a very healing process to lock myself away for a couple of hours and just soak up my thoughts and not have to help solve someone elses problems but I really do enjoy helping others. Having that retreat keeps me level so that I can keep on helping others it could be like a fitness fanatic going to the gym when they get there its their zen releasing all the energy gives them

I hope you can overcome this and your partner can understand :)

[ak1502]

first of all don't think you're into any kind of depression.. just think that it's a habit of yours to not talk to people and overcome this by taking small steps because you at any cost cannot let this habit of yours prevail and you know that so **** that fear and go out to do small things that eliminate your fear of this. This will start making you happier. One small suggestion while doing this that don't panic in front of people just be yourself whatever the **** they think. Just put forward what you think and soon you will see the difference. I am at the exact same condition as you are in and thought i could help you out. I also fear extremely too much when to meet people especially new ones. I am socially awkward. But I want to change this and knowing that some other people are also suffering from this gives a bit relief because you're not the only one. Regarding your fiance please please talk to him. you can do that and you have to do that as he is gonna be you're other half for life so clear the things out . Just say to him that you want to talk to him about something etc etc. and do clear the fudge. it will be good for your relationship. And please revert if you find anything helpful for me .

[dwt7let]

Hi It would be interesting to know how long you've been on meds for depression and if you've had any changes ? These meds make us into somebody else i lost all my confidence i wouldn't answer the phone be paranoid or panicy they stop wofexor and dolsulipin rking and they have to give us more then they will work for a while then its back to square one but worse.
I know you said you were not confident but ask yourself are you now worse than you were before medication ?
I have come off effexor and dolsulipin and could not function and lost myself i am much better off meds than on but its not an easy ride but worth it !
take care
Lorraine

[mammo]

Social anxiety is very common.  If you're not in therapy you need to find a therapist to help you work through this.  There are many small things you can do yourself to help you get over this.  It doesn't matter what others think about you, and you cannot live your life worrying about it.  You're paralyzed by this fear and as a result are isolated from everyone in your life.  Nothing could be worse, so why not start talking to people and being yourself and see what happens?  I'm betting you're going to make a lot of friends and get over your social anxiety!  We all say silly things at times and if you can laugh at yourself then others will put no emphasis on it.  You have to live your life for YOU and not what others "may" think.  Start small, make eye contact with people, then add a smile and say whatever you have to say so people can see how interesting you are.  I know this won't be easy but you have to do it!  Most of all don't beat yourself up over this, it's NOT your fault.  Anxiety does so much to us but mostly it creates fear and that causes the problems to snowball.  Look at where your life is by shying away from people...I think it could only improve by working on talking to people.  Don't feel you have to fill up any dead air, it's okay if two people aren't talking every second.  I feel you should talk to your doctor and make sure your medication is doing it's job and see if you need something strictly for anxiety, and get into therapy.  You don't seem to have any problems talking with your fiance and maybe that can help you to not be afraid of others.  Everyone has doubts and fears in social situations but you just have to start with baby steps to get beyond this and that's where therapy would be a big help.  Practice in front of a mirror at meeting someone for the first time.  Look at your eyes and smile, say something like "hi, it's nice to meet you."  Then when you see someone you know smile and say hi...how have you been?  You won't say anything wrong, and the more you practice little things like this the easier it will get.  Like when you forgot the way to the supermarket, next time just take a few minutes to get your bearings.  Stop, take a few deep breaths and think about where the supermarket is and keep going.  When talking to people find things to say like compliment them on something they're wearing, just let the words go and it will get easier and easier.  But please see your doctor and have him recommend a therapist to help you through this time.  Ask your fiance to be patient with you and tell him you're going to take one day at a time to improve your social skills.  I know you can do this!  We're always here for you so never hesitate to write.  Think positive thoughts and start talking.