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Dramastic Events That Change Me... (Story)

(This may be long.. sorry but I want to hope this will make others stronger and realize they need to try harder for the one they love. Try harder but not hurt ur soul in return)

      I dont know what to do... at 10 years old my sister was murdered. She was like my idol, she was pretty, kind, funny and only 22 at the time of her murder. I did not sleep or eat or drink for 3 days, untill I was begged to drink water by my mother. I was always isolated in my room in the dark in a corner alone. For two years I was suffering still from that event. Until I met a girl named Lindsay, and she was being harassed by some people.  I dragged myself over to where she was and I started to yell at these guys who were bugging her.  After a few minutes fighting with them they backed off and walked away.  I asked if she was alright and she stood there.
      She looked confused and bewildered. She finnaly answeared and asked me why I came to help her. I replied by saying no one should ever be harassed by others. And you should not let them ether stand up and tell them to back off and walk away.  From that day on we talked and talked became friends quickly.
I was happy to have a nice friend like her because I had no friends besides two others. After two months we both noticed that we had loved each other, and started to date. It was a great time we both were so happy and before we knew it 6 months passed. I soon began to ease up and open up. I became more of a happier person. From the death of my sister, i had come a ways. anyways a year and 6 months, would come. But over different periods of time she would randomly get extremly upset. I would ask why and she would say that it was nothing really big. I asked and kept asking every time she got even more upset. Until one day I met up with her and she was limping. Freakin out I asked what happened did you hurt your knee, leg, ankle?
      Then she told me what was bugging her. She said to me her parents beat her.  When those words came out of her mouth it feels like I got hit with a cannon bullet to the chest. So many things rambled through my mind. I started to tear up, to be strong for her I forced it back and gave her a hug. I did not say anything to her, I just hugged her.
For the next year I tried to help her sacrfing my soul and my mind throwing away all my feelings except of love and sadness. I told her exactly this:
"I do not care if I destroy myself this way, as long as I am able to make you smile, and give you a brighter future I am here for you Forever."
     The third year we celebrated but she always seemed different everyday. I did everything I could ot make her smile, I kissed her hugged her held her told her "I love you"..... I kept telling her to call child abuse hotline to help her or I would do it myself. I told her call the cops as well as move in with me. One day she moved out of no where, it scared me. How will I do anything for her now. For three years I sat and watched as she was beat. Not able to do anything.  She would be beat so bad she could barly move.  
     She lived in a different state and I couldnt do anything.  One day they sprained her ankle as she was pushed down the staris. I couldnt do anything I just prettty much sat and watched....I was destroying my body. Not sleeping for days on end crying every night every evening every morning. I was useless I was hopeless for her, I was a broken tool now I could not be useful for her anymore. Untill one day I lost all emotions all feelings of happiness, sadness, anger, anything I was apathetic. My B-day I died, I though to myself I took the term

"I do not care if I destroy myself this way, as long as I am able to make you smile, and give you a brighter future I am here for you Forever."

into reality... I broke up with her, I told her my heart is shrowded with black clouds. All light was gone, I was now a broken useless tool that should be thrown away. I knew what would happen next, but I was so lost so gone I just didnt care anymore. What I though was true, she had done it....
She had killed herself....  Only after I found out I regained my mind and my emotions. For some reason all my memories of my sister came up and of Lindsay. I that night tried to kill myself. I was only 16 years old. I couldnt do it I dont know why I was dead inside.  For a year I was a ghost walking the halls of my school. I had no friends, no one cared for me. Not one person ever wanted to listean to me. My Dad left me and my mom when I was two and back then during this time my Mom was always in the hospital deathly ill. Always in the emergency room with kidney probelms high blood pressure etc. So know one too talk to no one to hold me.  Every night I was crying more than I was before praying to god saying this
"God just right now, all I want is someone to hold me tight and tell me I am here for you."
When I turned 17 that prayer I had prayed for every night for a year came true.  A wonderful women named Bridgitte stalked me in the halls of my school. She was very concerned about me she had told me. She would watch me sitting by myself alone looking always depressed and so down. so she would watch me to see if I would be alright. After a month of knowing her We dated and currently still are. My life has changed for the better May, 20th 2010 is our one year anniversary.
We are both very happy and glad to have each other.

This all is true I did not want to tell you all because it would be longer, but this shows even the saddest stories with what loams like to be a horrible ending usally will but in the end of the end of things.  Fantastic things will occur and can change your life around for the best.
People who want to and do commit suicide think that they will never be happy. Well I thought that also until I kept on fighting the world. No MATTER who you are, there is always that bright star thats brigther than all the rest. And you must run after that star to see what kind of great thing awaits you. Never walk the dark path always walk the light path...

Now I am 17years young 18 in June and Happy as can be. What is best to do is talk to your closest buddy one you trust tell them what is going wrong with your life. NEVER bottle up emotions or your life stories. Tell people about how hard some point in your life was.
In the end you will feel like you got off one more elephant off your chest, I do encourage people to talk about there troubles because you will feel so much better afterwards!

4 Responses
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1032715 tn?1315984234
I'm so pleased that you could not go through with the suicide,you are a person who shows empathy towards others,something that is lacking in too many people.Keep living your life the way you are and you can always be proud of yourself.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you mammo I do hope this will be an inspiration to all others to let them speak out. And realize how good it feels to do that
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Your story is very touching and I'm sure an inspiration to others, thanks for sharing.  There was a reason you couldn't commit suicide...there were bigger plans for you.  Many of us are "tested" as children and some can persevere and get through it all and find complete peace and happiness.  I'm so happy for you.  You never truly gave up, and that's what is so important.  Take care....
Helpful - 0
1042487 tn?1275279899
Yes it is a well known fact for most people that keeping all your emotions inside could lead to much worse condition. This is why the first approach if often talking to your friends, family or a psychotherapist. The psychotherapist's job is not to tell you what to do or what not but it's to make you talk and let the emotions go while providing the analysis of what could be an underlying cause for a disorder of any kind. Some people experience a relief by talking about their past (regressing) and find where are the bugs while some other people are experiencing a relief of because they have someone who can understand them as they are.

Your post is a good call to invite people to talk about their emotions and a social life is proved to have significant impact on you mood. We are people in need of other people one way another.

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