Help?

[infinitejest]

I'm depressed as hell. I have been this way for a long time. Despite my wonderful family, I hate my life. Meeting with my therapist is the highlight of my week, and she is the closest thing I have to a friend followed by my dog. I'm a bisexual, vegetarian, atheist in a small southern town. I have been a misfit my entire life. I can't get over how in love I am with a man I can never have. I love him so much it makes me sick and I just want to get over this. I feel so ugly and horrible all the time. I keep gaining weight and I can't make myself do anything. I can't get to sleep at night and when I finally do I sleep all day. My grandmother who I am very close is battling cancer, and I my grades are slipping. All of my highschool friends are far away and our relationships are shallow and worthless. I could never rely on them to help me through these feelings...Since I have become an atheist, I keep thinking that I want to kill myself but I haven't found the guts to do it. I am so ashamed of myself for being this way and I just want it to stop.

[infinitejest]

* my grades

[mammo]

Hang in there with your therapist, but it may be that you are going to need medication to help pull you out of this depression.  Therapy is very beneficial but not always enough.  Depression can be like any other medical condition requiring daily medication to control the symptoms....and that's okay!  Instead of looking at yourself as a "misfit" try viewing yourself as unique.  Maybe living in a small, southern town doesn't fit "your" style but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you!  This is what leaders are made of!  It's nobody's business that you are bisexual, or a vegetarian.  As for being an Atheist....there are many people who question if there is a God and 97% of scientists don't believe there is.  This doesn't make you a bad person, it's part of who you are and always hold your head high for your beliefs.  You're in love with a man you can't have, instead of dwelling on this, accept that it is what it is, and you will be in love again.....I promise you this!  Don't give into sleeping all day, you have to fight this will all you have.  Know that one day you can move away to a new place where there is diversity in people and everyone respected for who they are. But don't keep feeling like you have to "fit in" to what others think you should be, always be yourself and be proud of it......this will bring respect from others.  Life is full of challenges and you need to decide today how you are going to handle those challenges.  Beating yourself up is not the way and it only hurts you!  I know what you're enduring with your grandmother is very difficult and I'm so sorry for this.  But the best thing you can do for your grandmother is to live an honorable  and a happy life!  Do this by being proud of who you are and that you were born to lead and not follow.  Fitting in is easy...but not always the best thing to do...let others fit in with you!  Get busy living your life and finding happiness with just being with yourself is paramount to being healthy inside...the rest will fall into place.  Do everything you enjoy, be as involved as you can and show people that you are not afraid and are going to live your life your way!  Push out those negative thoughts and fill your head with positive ones.  Look at all the people who "marched to a different drummer" and became famous and adored.  Elton John...Lady Gaga.....Madonna are a few examples!  I hope this helps, you've got a lot of living to do and I want it to be a happy life and so does your grandmother.  We're always here for you and I wish you all the best!!!

[gofio]

As a fellow Atheist I want you to be happy about that. Loving someone that can't love you is not the way to go............lots of bigger fish in the sea, put your bait out & you'll catch another. Action's are better than being passive & dwelling on what you 'think' is wrong with you. Try listing all the things that you have going for you ie you're young ~ that's a big plus, it means all of your options are still open. Cancer claims most of us, we all have to go, but the trick's to make the most of what we have & not be concerned about death & morbid things. Being bi-sexual's not something to be worried about, it does make life more difficult if you are undecided which way to go I guess? It's not a crime, don't let it make you unhappy. You can get lots of support on . Hope you get some peace of mind soon, it will come if you allow it to.Good luck.

[RainLover71]

Ever heard of the term--"it will pass" or "things will get better" well they do and you just have to wait for it to happen because eventually it will and you will feel good again.Sorry to hear about grandma but sadly this is all a part of life and we are all going to leave this earth one way or another but taking one,s life is never the answer because peoples moods change all the time and you don,t want to do something because at that moment you are feeling really down.Do all the things you love doing and don,t ever be ashamed of your sexuality,you have the right to be who you are.You have a dog you said and he/she will love you unconditionally forever.Take care.