Am I depressed?

[JSB33]

After one year of trying to conceive  I became pregnant with my 1st child. I had an early delivery (c-section) at 24 wks. The baby passed away because I developed preeclampsia. Now at 6 wks later my B/P is still a little high 150/105, im on meds to control it and cholesterol. (I never had these problems before the baby)  I think I just started my regular period today.
My spouse and I would like to try again in a few weeks. Is it too soon? I'm not sure where I am with it.....not sure if  we are trying to replace the baby we lost? Or am I depressed? Is it okay to try right now.....will the blood pressure remain high? Will I feel okay again? We don't talk about what happen to our baby or anything. I dont want to think about it at all. Is that normal......should we try again?
I am returning to work on Monday but I am terrified of going back. I don't know how I will interact if I am asked about what happened, etc. I feel I want to get away from everything that remind me of my last pregancy. I don't think this is healthy thinking how can I change from feeling this way?

[RockRose]

Yes,  you are wanting to replace the baby you lost,  and that's COMPLETELY NORMAL.  Your hormones were revved up to have a baby,  and now it's gone.  

It's completely normal that you are sad and grieving,  and depressed.  That's completely normal,  and expected.

Have you talked to your doc about when you can try to conceive again?

Best wishes.  You will never 100% recover from this,  but when you have a healthy child,  the pain will recede to the back of your mind.  

Be prepared for people to say kind of clumsy things - because they don't quite know what to say - but most people who know you are grieving for you.

Best wishes,  and God bless.  

[ParamedFlorena]

Hi,

It saddens me to hear about your loss. You can't replace the baby with trying again, but you can let life continue bit by bit. Only you and your husband knows when the right time is, but do give yourself a little bit time to grieve too. Give this experience a chance to "fall into" your life before you walk on. I say this because I personally had only just understood I was pregnant, had a spontaneous abortion and gave myself no room to even understand what it had done with me as a person.
At the loss of an infant, grief starts out at a very err place, and easily becomes complicated. Death is at that point not something we see as natural. Part of us always ask why, while another part of us tries to pat the why's on the shoulder and say: "Shh, so so, it happened for a reason" - still the reasons are silent.

It's a difference being 3 weeks pregnant and 24 and going through so much as you did - from hoping to knowing, from worrying to hoping again and then loosing your baby. Knowing how my reactions were, I guess it must have been a tough experience for you.

It won't be too late in life for you to try again in a little bit more time than this. I'd consider giving the bloodpressure a little bit more time to stabilize even if I am no person to tell you that waiting is the uttermost correct thing to do. An advice I got after the miscarriage was to wait 3-4 months so that my body re-adjusted again.

As far as emotions considered, and healing emotionally - find someone who you can talk with about your thoughts - that be your spouse, a friend, a counselor. It is important that you take care of this so that it doesn't become a depression. There are many times that we feel that we need someone. Most of the time, it is a pretty correct feeling.

Please stay in touch
Florena