Aa
I'm so lose
I am 20 years old now. On March 22, 2 days before my 20th birthday, my best friend and I were t-boned by a car going 60 MPH. He was driving and I was in the passenger seat. He's was killed, but i lived. I do not know why because death would have been much easier. I broke over 17 bones including my pelvis and sacrum, which put me in a wheelchair for 4 months. I wasn't able to return to college and my life was put on hold. I miss him so much that it physically hurts me and makes me sick sometimes. We were inseparable and did everything together. I was sitting inches away from him when he died and for some reason I just feel nothing but guilt. I don't know why because I was not even driving. But every time I look into his parents eyes I can't help but to apologize. I feel like they are mad that I lived and their son died. I'm sure thats not true, but I can't get it out of my head. The 6-month mark is coming up in about a week and I'm terrified. I never went a day without seeing or talking to him and its been 6 whole months already and I just don't know how much more I can take. I would do anything or take any amount of pain to have him back again and give him the biggest hug. It seems so unfair when someone so young dies. He had so much to live for. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like no one understands what I am going through. They all lost a friend too, but they weren't there with him... they do not have those horrific memories imbedded in their heads for the rest of their lives.
Although I am an old geezer compared to you, I want to relay my story. My buddy Neil and I did just about everything together. We worked together, (bouncing in a bar) fished together, hunted together and hiked together.
By looking at the guy, you'd never know that he had a time bomb in his chest. He never told anyone about it because he wanted to live his life doing the things he loved to do. He felt if anyone knew, they'd tell him to slow down or something. Anyhow, one night after work, he went home, grabbed a soda, and sat down for some t.v. The time bomb in his chest went off.... one of his heart valves blew open and tore, so he bled to death internally.
Doctors said death was almost instant and he never knew what hit him....
Fast forward to me... all I could think about is "why him?" This was a good dude, did things for people... always willing to help, so why did he have to go? Those thoughts go round and round in my head today, sometimes.
If you're struggling this hard, please seek some counseling. Grieving is difficult and there is no right way to grieve, really. And 6 months is a pretty short amount of time in the whole spectrum.
A counselor will be able to help you put this behind you.
By looking at the guy, you'd never know that he had a time bomb in his chest. He never told anyone about it because he wanted to live his life doing the things he loved to do. He felt if anyone knew, they'd tell him to slow down or something. Anyhow, one night after work, he went home, grabbed a soda, and sat down for some t.v. The time bomb in his chest went off.... one of his heart valves blew open and tore, so he bled to death internally.
Doctors said death was almost instant and he never knew what hit him....
Fast forward to me... all I could think about is "why him?" This was a good dude, did things for people... always willing to help, so why did he have to go? Those thoughts go round and round in my head today, sometimes.
If you're struggling this hard, please seek some counseling. Grieving is difficult and there is no right way to grieve, really. And 6 months is a pretty short amount of time in the whole spectrum.
A counselor will be able to help you put this behind you.
Hi there sweetheart ...
Swabes said alot of good things in her post! What you are feeling is perfectly normal for someone that has been through your ordeal. You are suffering from survivors guilt and probably some post traumatic stress syndrome as well. Do you have a doctor or therapist that you feel comfortable enough speaking with about all of this?? You need too! You didn't mention if you were on any meds for your depression. It's not that you don't have a right to be depressed, but when our feelings get to the 'boiling' point like yours, it would be best to find a trusted confidant to speak too! You have been through so-o much and you have a right to how you are feeling ... I too had a traumatic loss when I was barely 20 ,,,, I counted the weeks and months and years for a long time -- but it IS true that time is the great healer. It just means that the greater the loss, the longer the healing process can take. There WILL come a day when you remember your friend the way he would want you to remember him. There will always be an empty place where he once stood but you will cherish him in a special part of your heart always! It's important that you live your life with TWICE as much ambition and purpose than before! You can honor your friend BEST by cherishing the life you are living. Live it full of love and friendship and kindness to yourself! It's what he would want for you ... he would not wish anything less for you! It is alright to grieve and feel your loss but life is waiting for you. Take it one day at a time - remember him and smile for him ... he'll be waiting and watching! Take care sweetie....
Swabes said alot of good things in her post! What you are feeling is perfectly normal for someone that has been through your ordeal. You are suffering from survivors guilt and probably some post traumatic stress syndrome as well. Do you have a doctor or therapist that you feel comfortable enough speaking with about all of this?? You need too! You didn't mention if you were on any meds for your depression. It's not that you don't have a right to be depressed, but when our feelings get to the 'boiling' point like yours, it would be best to find a trusted confidant to speak too! You have been through so-o much and you have a right to how you are feeling ... I too had a traumatic loss when I was barely 20 ,,,, I counted the weeks and months and years for a long time -- but it IS true that time is the great healer. It just means that the greater the loss, the longer the healing process can take. There WILL come a day when you remember your friend the way he would want you to remember him. There will always be an empty place where he once stood but you will cherish him in a special part of your heart always! It's important that you live your life with TWICE as much ambition and purpose than before! You can honor your friend BEST by cherishing the life you are living. Live it full of love and friendship and kindness to yourself! It's what he would want for you ... he would not wish anything less for you! It is alright to grieve and feel your loss but life is waiting for you. Take it one day at a time - remember him and smile for him ... he'll be waiting and watching! Take care sweetie....
Firstly, thank you for being strong enough and open enough to share such a horrible experience, I'm sure it must be an incredibly painful time for you at the moment!
It sounds very much to me like you are grieving at the moment and that is completely normal! You have been through something very traumatic and so the grieving process could be quite long, but that is normal! There are many bereavement charities available for things like this, do you think a thing like that may help you to cope a little?
Please, please do not blame yourself for this or regret that it was you who lived! If your friends parents are to be annoyed at anyone it will be the driver who t-boned you are 60mph, not you! You need to realise the only person who could have changed this situation was the irresponsible driver who was risking everyones lives on the road that day!
I'm so so sorry for what you're going through, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must have been!
You haven't asked for anything specific in this post, maybe sharing your story was what you really needed rather than keep this inside. That's great! MedHelp is exactly the place for this sort of thing! You will find amazing, comforting people on here with their own inspiring, heart wrenching stories and who can give some wisdom and advice in dealing with this. If not there are bound to be bereavement services or your doctor can help out.
If you have any specific questions or need anything at all just let me know!
We're all here for you, to help you out!
It sounds very much to me like you are grieving at the moment and that is completely normal! You have been through something very traumatic and so the grieving process could be quite long, but that is normal! There are many bereavement charities available for things like this, do you think a thing like that may help you to cope a little?
Please, please do not blame yourself for this or regret that it was you who lived! If your friends parents are to be annoyed at anyone it will be the driver who t-boned you are 60mph, not you! You need to realise the only person who could have changed this situation was the irresponsible driver who was risking everyones lives on the road that day!
I'm so so sorry for what you're going through, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must have been!
You haven't asked for anything specific in this post, maybe sharing your story was what you really needed rather than keep this inside. That's great! MedHelp is exactly the place for this sort of thing! You will find amazing, comforting people on here with their own inspiring, heart wrenching stories and who can give some wisdom and advice in dealing with this. If not there are bound to be bereavement services or your doctor can help out.
If you have any specific questions or need anything at all just let me know!
We're all here for you, to help you out!
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