what can I do to stop the cycle

[nohope]

I was hoping to find some productive steps to take to overcome this depression. I recently under went disc replacement surgery, and things are not going as well as expected. I have severe lower back pain and I cannot do the things I used to do. It has been almost a year now, and the depression has taken over my life. I am seeing a therapist, but the progression is to slow. I see no improvement. I really need some helpful hints to get me motivated enough to get myself out of bed. To get myself to care again about life. I have cut myself off from all friends and family, I find myself hiding in my house when someone knocks on the door. I do not answer the phone. I really need some advice, it is getting worse and worse.

[upsetwoman]

I understand better about the ativan.  Too bad the doctor can't just tell me that.  She did tell me that long term use of ativan is responsible for falls and bad balance in the elderly.  She along with my deceased Father's Doctor also said it can produce a coma in your sleep if taken too often.  Sadly enough, I suppose the doctor has to prevent the possibility of suicide attempts with such drugs.  I hope to eventually associate the 'pain' with the proper cures along the way.  Maybe my blow up coming down from 3 months of lexapro wasn't so bad.  My cousins who I blew up at were really a constant upset in my life and they had no idea.  The reasons were really good ones too.  I actually felt better about my Dad's best friend after I told off my cousin.  I was pointing the hate in the wrong direction!   The meds give you the guts to let out your feelings.  I should have had a doctor direct me here.  I realize this now.  However what's done is done as the saying goes.  Talk to you.

[birdie0907]

The Ativan helps for short term problems, but you may need a long term med if the problem is frequent. Probably your doc "treats you like a druggie" as you describe the situation is because Ativan provides short term relief and lots of people are trying to get their hands on that kind of drug.
Perhaps discussing this further with your doc will help, or better still, see a psychiatrist, as they have much more experience.
Write back.

[upsetwoman]

Thanks for the advice.  So far this forum has made me feel like you are all the sane ones not the rest of the world.  I felt absolutely nuts, and still feel like this.  I have to do something.  I am trying to delegate work outside using my family cause I don't even want to go out.  This forum is very helpful.  I should try something since it can cost me relationships.  Somehow I think that some relationships really aren't worth working on.  Like some marriages that arent' worth working on.  Thanks again.

[birdie0907]

It is not surprising that you ran into trouble coming off the med without consulting the proper doctor. I only mention this as a warning to anyone reading this. Lots of people post on this forum that they didn't follow medical advice and just quit their meds cold turkey and suffered immensely because of it. There is no reason to do this.

Are you still on meds? If not, there are many and since you only tested 3, you should see a professional to review your situation.

[upsetwoman]

I felt so comfortable reading all of the above.  I found something in common.  You all sound like really good people by the notes.  I am feeling such unusually depressing feelings that I feel I'm worse than all of you above.  I have the pain from an accident that I'm trying to shove off by readjusting my entire life around it.  I sit holding my head up with a heated collar, and rub-355.  I have had 7 of the most horrible years.  The only way I find that is helping is finding and building on faith.  I grew up in a Catholic elementary school where we learned religion.  I never really found spirituality till my now search.  Since I am a fitness trainer, my work is now like a handicapped person compared to before, I can do cardio and no weight training.  The cardio has always been and I can't tell if it helps.  It's to me like brushing my teeth.  I go through the pain since I've been told it's ok to do so by professionals.  The weight training gave me the endorphin rush.  I have tried effexor xr and became a zombie, celexa did nothing, and the Canadian form of lexapro which is cipralex, made me more anxious if that is possible, and had me jogging in bed.  I like ativan late in the afternoon when I'm at home.  It actually gets me doing chores I hate.  I can still study.  The others do something to my brain chemistry that interferes with my life.  The cipralex made me jog in bed and reiterate old problems out loud to people that I never would have said things to.  I got in trouble taking it for only 3 months and coming off of it without consulting the proper doctor.  My new GP didn't warn me about what might happen.  My whole past opened up and I blurted out to the family I felt hurt by the most all of the things that bothered me.  They hate me now and think I'm nuts.  I'm ashamed and feel that at the next wedding I need to put my head down for telling them the truth about my feelings.

[LeftCoastChick]

Unfortunately with Clinical Depression, brain matter is affected, the brain is a very delicate piece of "machinery". I've tried my darndest just to deal with issues with talk therapy, but pain like a spinal injury directly affects the brain. Talk therapy alone doesn't work wth this kind of depression, stats are low. When a depression lasts longer the 3 months or so, it's not your garden variety depression. It needs medical intervention by a specialist, this isn't like fixing a broken leg. I'm glad you wrote back nohope,  i wish you could change your ID name, because you do have hope right?
pm me about pain + depression, and/or I have some suggestions, but it would be too long winded here :)

LeftCoastChick
Depression Community Leader

[teko]

First see a doctor and c if you need meds to help get you thru. Secondly, get up and out when you feel like you cannot. Mind over matter. Do the opposite of what you feel like doing.  When the phone rings, answer it, if someone knocks, answer it. Force yourself to make contact with friends and family regardless of how you feel. Get as much exercise that you can even if it is walking. Start slow and build your strength. Do not give into what you feel. I have gotten to where I can see that cloud a comin and now the minute I do, I make myself go on, it is hard but it is the only way I know to fight it. I have to say, I have gotten pretty good at it too. Hugs.

[birdie0907]

Please follow LCC's advice and see a professional. You can't come out of this depression on your own, so delaying finding help is using up time in your life that could be spent being happy, if a professional is able to help you.

[dhylles]

it takes alot of work when you are trying to get your life back with depression. i had a hard time grocery shopping the other day. who would have thought a simple thing as in buying food for your home would be a big deal and a big effort. but i am happy that i don't give up and i am a fighter. but i do understand how your depression can really bring you down. Please don't give up and know that there is a silver lining somewhere and all of your efforts will be paid off in the end. God bless

[birdie0907]

You have been through a lot. Otis may be right, in that you are so far down you might need a boost from a med to get back. It is not possible to remember how to be happy after a while, so not very easy to pull yourself out of it without a med.

The second SSRI I was prescribed did the job for me, and I quit taking it long after I felt fine. The first didn't help as much as I needed.

[OtisDaMan]

I also would recommend seeing a psychiatrist fast, as they can prescribe medication appropriate for you; my guess is that with the symptoms you've described, you are suffering from clinical depression (also known as melancholic depression or severe depression). Whatever it is called, classic symptoms such as difficulty getting out of bed, and hiding from the doorbell or phone, indicate a profound need to get a lift up to the level where you can interact with others enough to shop, pay bills and so on.

Talk therapy can still continue and probably should, given that you have the added complication of dealing with chronic pain from the surgery. From personal experience I know what it is like to cop chronic pain as a result of surgery. No matter what anyone (who doesn't have chronic pain) says, it sux! However, given its presence there are numerous things that you can do to assist in dealing with it. The main thing is to strive for a way of managing the way that you respond to it, and minimising its interference. Most people need assistance in finding a workable set of techniques for doing this - pain medication is usually required, but so is physical exercise and socialising with friends and family.

The Pain Management community on this site may be able to help with that. Your doctor, psychologist, or psychiatrist may be able to recommend a pain clinic or other specialists that can help.

Please look into using antidepressants to lift yourself up to a level where you can function at least in a basic way.  One other benefit of antidepressants is that for some people they diminish chronic pain through a combination of effect upon the signalling of pain and also blunting the emotional response to pain. The newer SNRI class of antidepressants (eg Effexor) can also help reduce anxiety: good for dealing with crowds and doorbells!

Finally a strong suggestion: there several classes of antidepressants, which act in different ways. Sometimes the first choice doesn't work, and in rare cases (it happened to me, less than 1% suffer this) the first antidepressant may make you sink further - hence the warnings these days about how antidepressants may cause suicide. In order to avoid that possibility, insist that your psychiatrist sees you several times during the first couple of weeks, and organise in advance for someone - a friend or family member, or even a neighbour - to check in on you daily. That's my strong suggestion. Don't be scared off of antidepressants by this, it is a precaution for a rare side effect.

All the best,

OtisDaMan

[nohope]

Thank- you for taking the time to read and respond to my comment. It has been real hard to reach out to anyone for advice. I am supposed to be the one that has it all together. I did take my first step today, I went to wal-mart and bought myself a purse. It's funny, such a small thing, but I was very proud of myself. It took all that I had to get out of the house, and then to spend money on me, WOW. Any way thanks your advice is welcomed.

nohope

[nohope]

Thank- you for taking the time to read and respond to my comment. It has been real hard to reach out to anyone for advice. I am supposed to be the one that has it all together. I did take my first step today, I went to wal-mart and bought myself a purse. It's funny, such a small thing, but I was very proud of myself. It took all that I had to get out of the house, and then to spend money on me, WOW. Any way thanks your advice is welcomed.

nohope

[LeftCoastChick]

I seriously suggest seeing a psychiatrist, you may have an imbalance caused by this traumatic event. It can cause the brain to produce too much of a hormone amongst other things. Talk therapy is great, but it's really really hard work. Taking a med doesn't mean a lifetime, but it can help your brain get back on track. Many people don't think that a brain is like any other organ. Shock can do all sorts of things. After my 2nd car accident, which slipped 2 discs, boy did I ever plummet in moods. No amount of physio or pain meds lifted my moods, and I have and recently did the same things as you.

You need to start reaching out to other people, many folks are more then willing to be there if you do reach out.  Take baby steps, don't take on too much, because if you don't do as well as you thought, you'll beat yourself up even more. You, I'm sure, if someone was in your position like yourself, you would help be there first in line to help.

Give yourself some grace, what I mean by that is, don't be so hard on yourself if you can't do something one day, try the next day. I've recently gone through a serious rough patch with my kidneys and switching meds on top of that. It's not easy, but baby steps. Have a bath, take your garbage out, watch your favorite show. Sniff  a flower.  You get the drift right?

Hang in there, this too shall pass,
LCC