For the past year now, I feel I have been falling progressively closer to depression, and have been making an effort to distract myself. Until recently, I had found ways to avoid thinking about what was depressing me, and had found ways by which I could remedy (temporarily at least) the way I felt. The past few months, particularly since the beginning of November, I have been declining and seem to be unable to do anything much about it. Perhaps in a week, I may have 8-10 hours during which I am not plagued by negative thoughts and depression, and in these times I feel almost myself. For the rest of the week however, I feel like I have become someone different; antisocial, and unhappy.
Exercise has been my main distraction, and also reading. But there is a limit to how much I can do either, so I am trying to find ways to stop my mental situation declining. Particularly during school hours -I have never been challenged by school, and manage to retain the position of top student without too much strain- I feel alone and need something to think about to overpower the depression that seems to loom over me whenever the slightest chance presents itself. I need to find something to look forward to each day when I wake up...
I have changed schools recently, and this was a ray of light, since all that was important to me previously seemed to be crumbling around me, and I hoped that with a new beginning, things would be better. It would seem that fate has a cruel sense of humor, since in my new school, though I could have friends, my classmates are depressingly immature, and not only do they not have the maturity to carry out a mature conversation, but they are not amused by anything save for sexual comments, swearing, and bodily gases. None of which hold much appeal for me as constant conversation topics.