Lost hope....

[lostsoul2]

I don't really have a question, I just want to get my thoughts out.  I have been on the addiction forum for quite awhile.  I know my addictions have led to the severe depression I live with.  I have been to counseling, therapy, psychiatrists, I take Cymbalta and Wellbutrin for depression, have tried almost every other ssri, I take Klonopin for anxiety, but still feel like I have no way out of this depression.  People have tried to help, but nothing has worked.  I wake up daily and it takes everything I have to get out of bed and face each day.  The goal of every day is to pass it so I can go to bed again.  I have three young children that give me reason to stay alive, but this is destroying my marriage.  I don't know where else to turn.  I have tried everything and nothing works.  I've given up on hope for anything.  Exercise doesn't even help it anymore.  I guess if I have any questions it would be where can I turn now?  I am so hopeless it hurts like hell inside.  If anyone reads this I thank you.

[george73]

Go see a physicologist and stick with it. It can be rough getting used to new meds. Give yourself at least 6 weeks and don't give up. Also, get a Bible. Start reading it. Pray go to church. You also need God. He is our biggest help.

[lostsoul2]

My kids do keep me going.  They are my reason for living right now, and it's enough to keep me moving.  My relationship with with my wife is very strained, and of course that adds to the depression, which in turn adds to the strain, and the cycle keeps spinning.  She is often irritable with the kids when she's home with us.  That hurts me because I see how much they miss her when she's gone.  So i try my hardest to be there for them, to hide my depression as much as possible so they can feel warmth.  I think I do a really good job.  I feel at least some satisfaction at knowing they are doing well in school and I help them everyday with school work to ensure that.  My youngest is three and still home all day, so I try to do things with him to keep him stimulated and happy.  They are my saviors and have no idea they keep me moving.  They are my strength.

[jo929]

whatever you do dont give up your kids will be the ones to suffer and would you want them in a foster home try harder and get some help your kids alone should help give you a reason to live   lots luck    jo

[Jade59]

My heart goes out to you and I've been where you are many times.  I know the feeling of just wanting the day to pass so I can crawl back into bed.   You say you have been on every ssri, but has your doctor ever had you on the tricyclic AD's?   I can hear the desperation in your post and if you've never tried them it could be worth a shot.  Tricyclic AD's were used way before ssri's were heard of.

Thinking of you..............: )

[trying1948]

My bed is my sanctuary too.  "They" keep saying there is a way out of the depression but I haven't found the an swer either.  Therapy does help if you are honest, go to another one until you find someone you click with.  Obviously you are not on the right combo of drugs.  Go back and get something else.  It does take a while to find the right combination.  I have panic attacks, anxiety and depression.  We are still working on getting the right meds for the depression, I seem to have the panic attacks and anxiety under control.  Don't give up, your children would never forgive you.  I attempted suicide in June of 2007, my daughter was furious with me, she said she would never forgive me if I had suceeded. That thought alone keeps me going when I don't want to.  I know the ache and the emptiness and the desperation.  Keep seeking help, it is out there, you just have to find it.  Your husband needs to be educated on how it feels, even if he doesn't understand.  It is not something you just shake off.