A type of depression? Maybe?

[lawlzz]

Alot of different emotions have been flowing through me in a past few years and I just don't know where to turn to.

Lately, I've been feeling alot of extreme highs and lows. I'm constitantly aggitated or annoyed or sometimes I'm "hilarious" and get along well with people.

In these 'highs' I call them a few very specific things happen: I hold LOTS of tension in my face, especially my forehead (I have to sometimes literally to tell myself to relax it cause I won't realize it) I'm also extremely annoyed with anyone and everything and maintain zero paitence with the simplest things. I snap at people, and I talk down to people (don't ask why, it's a reaction like - "Oh, she's a stupid B**tch anyways!". I lash out at random people in the hallways! (most of the the time, my highs are mistaken for typically 'highschool girl' behavior and people still like me for some reaon..but i hate it feeling like this!) I get so angry that I'll pull my hair or squeeze things to the point that it hurts. I also feel the need to be sexual and intimate with someone. I have to seperate myself from just about everyone.

I also have my 'lows'. I'm just wayyy down. I'll tear up, but not cry much. I'll dwell on the past, and my "bad luck" or how I have no friends and over analyze my familys' and friends' actions. Like this past weekend, when I got home from work or sports, I just sat at home and just....laid there. I'm EXTREMELY lazy. (more lazy than I ever am...I get stressed and burn out easy.) I'll get extremely self-concious. (I have a high value for appearance.) But I wish to be intimate (not sexual) with someone when I'm like this as well.

In both states I'm forgetful, and it's hard to concentrate in school. At first I felt like it was stressed, but I've seen a trend over months and weeks.

Nothing just seems to be going my way lately. Especially with my friends, family, and most infamously my love life. I've been just feeling lonely, and disconnected with my mom about fighting about my grades and driving. Also having to go to work and deal with sports. (and being stranded cause I don't drive!)  

I just these things have brought out the extremes lately...any thoughts?

[birdie0907]

Good enough to see the psychiatrist? Write back with an update.

[lawlzz]

thank you for your thoughts! :) I definately feel better after posting about this.

[LeftCoastChick]

I really don't suggest holding on until your 16. A family doctor will get you to the right place for help. I can honestly saw a school counselor can't really help with something this complex in an ongoing way. A psychiatrist can make the diagnosis, even if it's just depression, and get you on the right meds. No scene should be made, because of doctor/patient confidentiality right? It will be easier to be treated now, and the sooner you do it the better it will be for you :)

[lawlzz]

Sorry about that! I didn't realize. I thought I had it up there, but I am 16.

to  therese83: thank you, haha. I can see what's going on. Sometimes it's a struggle to be "myself" and be normal to people like my friends. I kinda feel disconnected when I try to maintain a normal level. It's sorta hard for me not ot notice.

I would go to a school counselor, but at the same time I don't want a cause a huge scene and make a big deal with my family. I can always wait til I'm 18 to seek a therapist of some sort. I guess I really internalize it, and lately when I come home from whereever I go straight to my room and avoid my family at all costs.

[LeftCoastChick]

I have to agree, you have the classic symtoms of BP, you need to see your doc and get a referral, you are required to put your age in your pofile. How old are you?
LeftCoastChick
Co-Communty Leader
Depression

[therese83]

If you are a child, please go and speak to someone you trust, maybe the school counselor?
You seem to have a very good insight into yourself, which is a blessing.  You can stand back and see what is going on.  Many people do not have this and they screw up their whole lives.

It sounds like Bipolar disorder.  There is no other way of saying it.

There is a very good forum here with a lot of support under Bipolar.
You should go to a psychiatrist as soon as you can before it gets any worse for a proper diagnoses.
I wish you the best