My dad's depression goes on and on...

[happysnapper]

Hi all

My dad had a nervous breakdown almost 3 years ago now and since then he has not worked a day.  He is 63 now.  For most of that 3 years he has lived with either me, my sister or his sister although he has had good and bad patches.  He now is in a very bad patch and spends most of the time sleeping, or lying in the dark, or just sitting in a chair.  he says he spends his time counting from 1 to 100.  He spends a lot of time swallowing because he is 'afraid that he will overflow if he doesn't keep swallowing'.  He doesn't watch TV or listen to the radio.  He is in his own 'orbit' and hardly ever reaches out to ask if anyone is ok, has had a good day at work or anything.

He has no friends to speak of, though when he is 'normal' he is amazingly gregarious and outgoing.  His marriage to my mum broke up in bad circumstances 18 yrs ago and he has probably never got over that.  He got remarried but that didn't work either and he got divorced a year or so ago.He has said he is scared to live on his own but I feel that by us all being at his every beck and call, he has no incentive to get better.  Actaully I think this prob goes back to his childhood, from hat his father and sister tell me.  My dad has never spoken to the docs about this.  One problem is that he is not totally honest about why he feels like this, or how bad he feels, so how can people help him if they don't have the full story?

He lived with me last year for 4 months and he got so bad I had to put him in a mental health unit which was horrific and only resulted in him pulling himself 'up' enough to let the docs release him, back to me!  They then called him and said there was nothing more thay can do for him and they did nothing to help him at all in there.

He has been on fluoxetine for 3 yrs at varying levels, but it doens't seem to be working.  He is currently on 60mg a day.  He is currently in Wales, living with his sister, which is 6hrs drive from me.  She is struggling with the care for him as well now.  We are all exhausted by it quite frankly and it seems that him living with us is actually not helping him get better at all.  The doc don't seem to be trying any different drugs at all.

Our options currently are:
- private clinic for a few weeks of intensive therapy
- sheltered accomodation
- his own place with social services giving him meals/opening his post etc

We are based in the UK.

Can anyone who has suffered and recovered from depression this bad please give me any insights into what my family can do to help him, or how I can encourage him to help himself?

Thanks for reading this extra long post!

[happysnapper]

Dear all

Thanks so much for all your comments - I really appreciate the time you took to reply.  My news update is that my dad is now in a special mental unit and is being cared for.  They are going to change his meds and set him up with daily appointments of therapy and with his psych so that is great news.  He seems more positive than I have known him for at least a year and is even cracking the odd joke (before his breakdown he was the life and soul and racked jokes to the point of embarrassment!) which is great.

He is having ups and downs of course.  He is lonely and doesn't want to talk to people.  He can't remember what the docs have told him about his care so he often says he doesns't know what is going on when in fact he has just forgotten.

I'm keeping everything crossed for him.

Thanks again

G
  

[starr28]

Hi,

I agree that your father probably needs a new doc and a new med.  I know
I usually get 3-4 years out of a med before it poops out and I have to switch
but I have a very understanding doctor who helps me through each time.

Best wishes to you and your family,
starr28

[Hensley258]

That's a tough nut to crack. The thing with severe depression is that in order to get better (or manage it, I should say) one really has to want to seek help and get better.

I'm sure your father knows in his heart that he has a mental illness, but some people have a very hard time accepting that fact and very often that mind set keeps them from activly seeking help.

In my case my Depression is so painful that I activly looked for help, simply because I felt so horrible.

I'm trying to think of the best way for you to get him help, but I'm comming up empty because the sufferer also must want help in order to get better.

I know you mentioned that he has been taking Fluxotine for a few years. That medication really is just the tip of the iceburg. There are much better medications for this condition than just Fluxotine.

Given that your Father has only really tried one AD medication, I am not supprised that he is doing so bad. In most Severly depressed people, Fluxotine (Prozac) is usually only good for about two to three years before the body builds up a resistance to it, at which point one would be better off taking a sugar pill for depression.

In 16 years I have built up resistance to over 9 different AD medications. You can't keep taking the same one forever. Some (very few) Depressed people can go up to 5 to 10 years on the same AD medication, but I don't know of any.

Your first step needs to be getting your Father in to get evaluated by a Psychiatrist. These doctors are highly trained and they will be able to get him on a new medication plan that could very well restore his entire life.

I know in the UK finding a good Psychiatrist Doctor is hard to do, but if you went the private route and paid out of pocket then I'm sure it's possible. Perhaps the entire family could pool their money to get him this private doctor. It could be the best money ever spent.

Good Luck.

[umya]

i'm so sorry to hear about your father and your situation. our family had a similar problem growing up, though our father was much younger when he snapped and we were children.  it's a very difficult circumstance to say the least and was life altering.  that it became chronic was the worst.  it was impossible for us to convince him to get help and i think the older people get, the more difficult it may become unless they hit an absolute bottom--depressive related psychosis for example.  it sounds to me like his obsessive counting and false fixed belief about "overflowing" (which is a powerful metaphor that speaks of his suffering and suppression) should be able to get him into an intensive program immediately.  i would go with option 1.  following that, a regular psychotherapist.   he can recover, it will take time and courage.  there is no doubt however, that he can shift in a meaningful way with the proper support and the courage to face himself.   i sincerely hope all of you find peace.  

[mommyofKassandCora]

Hi..sorry no one has responded to this yet but I'd like to!
I have had some very dark depression but not that has lasted that long.  My stepfather has though.. he has Parkinsons Disease and since that time he had to quit his job it's like he gave up on himself.  
He would have my mom do everything for him, he wouls sleep or lay in bed ALL day, not bathe all that.  
Now he is in a nursing home b/c he can't take care of himself but I really wish my mom would have made him do for himself.  Like you said your father doesn't feel he has to do anything if you and your family does it for him.
So.. that is a place to start.. encourage him to get up and refuse to wait on him hand and foot.
Definitley, go to another doctor.. I think he woild benefit from other medications.
Just being around others and getting out will help tremendously!