Pathological lying and anger

[Dontblamethecat]

My partner of 7 years has problems with pathological lying. He also has mood swings and outbursts of anger. He thinks everyone is against him. He will ask his mom and i for help doing something and then yells and belittles us when something unforseen arises. He gets worked up over the smallest things that can easily be fixed. He likes to control everything. He has muscular dystrophy ( deterioration of muscle) so he can't do the things he used to do and enjoys doing, like repairs around the house and wood working. So when myself and his mom help him he constantly yells and belittles us for not doing things the way he thinks they should be done. He treats me, his mom, and his dad like we are enemies at times. If one of says something about his behaviour or tell him to stop lying, he attacks us, turns everything around and we are the bad ones for making him look as though he is a bad person. We have even tried to reword things to lesson the blow, taking his fragile ego into consideration. But he still constantly denies he is lying or angry. It is awful! A constant battle being in a relationship with a pathological liar. Is there something more serious going on? He has had concussions in the pst. And there gas been a bit of brain damage and i think it could be something to do with that. He refuses to discuss it with his dr too. He doesnt think there is anything wrong, except that he cant do the things he used to.

[Poo44clooner]

The running theme here about your boyfriend seems to be that he cannot do for himself as he he would like to since he has muscular dystrophy. Sounds like he is taking his frustrations out on you and his family. Maybe he is a pathological liar....I don't know. I don't think he has come to terms with his condition and is lashing out. You shouldn't baby him or walk on eggshells with him. I mean who wants to live like that. You need to tell him straight out that if he doesn't stop this behavior that you will leave him because you will not tolerate being abused and lied to when all you are trying to do is help him. He shouldn't be punishing you and his family because he has this horrible condition. He must find a way to come to terms with having this condition and live his life and be loving to his loved ones.

[CML2014]

I LOVE YOUR NAME!!!!!

So you find yourself in an abusive relationship. Words hurt the same as a smack in the face, no one sees the bruise they leave.
MOO-(in my opinion only) I would tell you to run , run, run, as fast as you can and get out of that relationship.

His mother is stuck with him , but not you, darling, get out while you can.
My stepson is very much like this.  He has a personality disorder, is 52 years old , acts like a child , and his father and me have nothing to do with him. We have had enough !

This might seem cold, but personality disorders do not have a pill answer.

I am not saying this is what your Partner has, but his actions alone are brutal and his mother should run away with you.  Lets see who he will manipulate then????

MOO--this boy should have meds and a pshychiatrist.   No human is going to satisfy his needs, so you have to take the NEEDS away--hopefully with meds or Therapy.
Too bad she lives with him--does she feel the same anger you feel toward her son?  I wonder , sometimes moms will take a lot because the person is their child.
I hope she will at least decline his requests for help and let him figure it out himself. Ignorance is bliss.....and harsh but sometimes Your survival depends on this.

I sure do hope you find the peaceful life you deserve. It takes courage to turn your back ...the next time he hits you with his angry words.....make a break.
In the meantime this forum is here for people like you and me, thank God.

CML


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[specialmom]

I have to be honest.  Just from a practical level, why do want to tie your life to someone that throughout your relationship has proven to be a pathological lyer?  I wouldn't do this. Love doesn't conquer all.  I was talking to a friend that found out her father was dying.  Her father was difficult throughout her life.  Her mother dealt with it.  Her response was that when he passes, it was going to be a relief for the family. I found that so sad that all had lived with this type of situation for so long that dying of cancer was going to be a relief.  The man probably had no idea how his behavior affected his family.  To the point that part of their response to his terminal cancer diagnosis was relief!  

what keeps you with him?  Just being frank with you here.

Brain injury can cause changes in personality.  

And if someone is unwilling to look at how their behavior hurt those in their life, there is not much you can do.  You have to think of yourself here and if you want to live like this.  I'm here is you want to talk and we also have a Relationships Community that is helpful for these types of situations.  

[specialmom]

And please know that I didn't write this to upset you in any way!  Sometimes I re read what I wrote and know that it will perhaps not be the thing someone wants to hear----  and they react by getting mad at me.  But I'm really just trying to help with food for thought.  I don't know all or all the circumstances involved in your relationship but just reading one post, am trying to help you.  hugs

[CML2014]

You are truly a special mom and your communication skills are very comforting to people. There should be more people like you out there willing to listen--not judge. I always reread and think. "boy that stunk" but then we are just good hearted people trying to help others. No one ever said we have to be good at posting. Your heart is in the right place and if someone takes something you wrote negatively????
.....This IS a depression forum, not many UP people writing in here.Lets hope having someone out there who cares is enough. We are all in this Depression thing together.
Peace to you specialmom-CML

[CML2014]

I bet you are a Special mom. You have enough compassion for the world, but are kinda hard on yourself, girlfriend.
People that come to this forum just need someone to listen and if they can glean some wisdom from the responses that is icing on the cake.

I do not know how people take my words , but hey, we are all human here and many of the people posting  here are usually not upbeat, this is a DEPRESSION forum, know what I mean.

[Paxiled]

Not being able to live the life you want is very very very very frustrating.  My anxiety and then the medication they gave me for it destroyed my life and I also can't do any of the things that made me who I was.  And I'm also very angry.  That's a sign of depression, and if he won't get treatment, you're in the relationship you will always be in.  You don't mention any examples of lying, so we don't know what you mean by that, but that's a wholly different story -- he may have always been like that.  We just elected a 71 year old child President who lies virtually every time he opens his mouth, and nobody's going to change him because it has always worked for him.  So the only way you can change that is to make it not work for your partner and hope that forces him to seek help to change.  Otherwise, two people are suffering here when only one is doomed to it.  People who suffer with illness are like everyone else -- if they have a bad time with coping all their lives, it will only get worse with illness.  Either you convince him to get help or you're out of there, or you need to get out of there.  But if he's a pathological liar, again, that's not a common reaction to illness or depression, that's a character trait.  

[Paxiled]

Well, one other thought -- is he on any medications that affect brain neurotransmitters?  Some have a side effect of causing odd behaviors, such as compulsive gambling and violent thoughts and suicidal thoughts that the person never had.  You might check his meds and the possible side effects of them.

[AnxiousNoMore]

You can get further information on the character trait advice above in this article, but he isn't diagnosed by a professional so his situation could be even more difficult to deal with than just the lying that you believe you have detected.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsWE_8ZIPQg