as your screen name says...time marches on!
This too shall pass etc...You are in a bad place right now in a very dark room of your mind..Are you on meds? do you need an increase or change? do you have a good psychiatrist?
Reach out to someone..a good friend, any friend?
I know these all sound so cookie cutter but I dn't know what else to suggest. I've been there too and it eventually passed with a change of meds and time. than it came down to a change in a bad marital situation, I guess you need to find out what works for you just keep looking there is an answer never give up ok
Journal read. Comment left. Hope it helps.