This used to happen to me when I was young, by that I mean the ages between 5 and about 12. I would get upset or over sensitive and just explode in tears and frustration. I went to several psychiatrists and I had cat-scans and such done to try and determine the cause before but there was nothing medically wrong with me, the doctors said nothing showed up in the cat-scan and nothing was wrong with anything in my blood stream. Even so I was put on medication meant for ADHD. It kind of helped, outbursts and frustration certainly slowed if not stopped, but I ended up dropping the pills because I ended up getting terrible headaches if I accidentally forgot to take them. I didn't want to deal with that dependency forever. Luckily, by the time puberty hit I was pretty normal, so me and my family assumed it was just hormones that got sorted out on it's own.
I'm 21 now and they've started up again. But I can't figure out why this time, it was so much easier to pinpoint when I was a child. Sometimes I can blame it on a sad scene in a movie or tv show or if I think of something bad happening to close friends or family. Things that usually upset or frustrate people. Even though as an adult I should be able to control it much better than I do. But other times it'll just hit me for no reason, like a tidal wave and all I can do is just let it happen because the more I fight the longer it goes on and I hated the choked feeling I get in my throat when it does. Thankfully it's only happened in private so far. But I worry it might appear in public, the embarrassment and people asking me "Are you okay?", "What's going on?", "What's wrong?" will only make it worse, dragging it out painfully. It's weird that people focusing in on it tends to make it so much worse than if they just left it alone. Another thing I can't figure out. I can't control it and it's starting frustrating me.
And what's worse I have nothing wrong in my life, thus I have no reason to blame this on depression. I have a great family that I can depend on, I have plenty of projects to keep me busy (I'm an artist by the way), I've start a new diet/eating habits recently(has nothing to do with this by the way, the cry spells started months before I started this diet) and I've already lost a couple of pounds, I exercise plenty (at least an hour a day, again this is months after the crying spells started), nobody in my family is sick or injured, I get plenty of sleep, I've got great friends, I was just accepted into the college of my choice and my first semester payment is covered completely. Everything is absolutely fine, I have no reason to cry this much. Even medically I'm fine, according to recent blood tests. The only thing off is my vitamin D, which I'm taking supplements for in addition to the multivitamins I'm also taking.
I'm not depressed, I have no reason to be and I certainly don't feel that way. I'm not sad, or angry, or much of any one emotion. Nothing out of the ordinary other than when the situation calls for it.
The closest approximation to what's going on with me is a condition a character call Jacuzzi from an anime called Baccano claims to have. The character cries at inappropriate times yet maintains a calm, sometimes even upbeat attitude. When confronted about it he claims that it's a condition that he can't really control. When I first saw that, I instantly knew what that was like. It was exactly what was wrong with me, the only difference is I want it to stop and the character really didn't care about it. It's both funny and frustrating that possibly a made up condition is very, very real to me.
I just don't know what to do. I don't want to go to a psychiatrist because I know all that's going to happen is I'm going to cry and the doctor will keep asking what's wrong and I won't have an answer. And I haven't told my current doctor about this problem either because of the same thing.
So does anybody have a clue what's going on?