I want to leave but I don't know what to do. I do and I don't. My teen daughter constantly fights with me. She sides with my husband a lot even if he's in on the argument. She doesn't need me anymore.
It all started when I was 2.5 yrs old. My dad committed suicide. Leaving my 25 yr old mom, 5.5 yr old brother and me.
Then, a few yrs later, my mom met someone. He sexually abused me from around 5-8 or 9. She asked me 1 time when I was around 7, if I was being touched. I was, by her boyfriend but I didn't tell her. I said no. Out of fear, embarrassment. Then a couple of yrs later, she caught him in the act with me. He went to jail, for 1 yr. When he got out, she invited him to our new home. I was confused as hell. I felt worthless. He visited a few times. They tried to be a couple, even going to my grandparents house. I felt like everyone let me down. One visit was a sleep over. He didn't physical try anything with me, but he did make a sexual facial expression he did to me b4. I knew she kept in contact with him, because when I was 14, she gave me the phone, and he was on the line. Like I'm supposed to talk to him? Wth? He asked questions like if I had a boyfriend and do we kiss, ect. I went through hell mentally after that fir yrs and I still suffer through all the memories and wonder what the hell? What mother would do this??? Even though I continued my life with my mom, its becoming harder to not forgive and forget what she has done. She has regretted it and asked for forgiveness. I lied n said I did forgive her. I can't! I just can't. He hot a hold of her later on when I was in my mid 30's... at the time she was a real estate agent. He was asking for help on a house. She refused n said he needed to apologize to me and my brother. What? I heard about this at around 41 yrs old, I'm 43. This makes me more upset. Why does one think they can up and call for help on a home? I think they've had remaind some kind of contact through the yrs. I hate her for that, even though I love my mom. I cannot forgive! She does not know the way I feel.
I married my high school sweetheart at 19. My husband has divorced parents. Everything was good up until both sets did not agree on marriage. They despise me. I don't know why. His mom n step dad are fake. They are not people I like. His dad and step mom are dead to me. They pit me through hell and i want nothing to do with them.
We have 2 girls, like I said b4 my teen daughter literally picks fights with me. We have had a lot of problems with her since age 4. She still has tantrums. Great in school, not so great at home. My 10 year old almost 11 is changing. Shes getting mood swings and is sad and mad. Shes been through hell with her sister and all the yelling over the yrs.
My relationship with my husband is stable but not great. He's a medical retired vet. Has depression a seizure disorder. It's hard.
Recently had a fall out with my half brother who's 25 and mother. Over who they wanted to invite to my daughters party. It went way bad, misunderstanding and our relationship is crap now between my lil brother and I. My mom and I and my husband with them.
With all this being said and some other issues in life medically, I just feel like I'm at the end here. I feel like I was not meant to be here. I need out. I wish it was better, but it's not. By the way we have 5 cats and 1 dog. 1 cat lives in my room. I don't share my room with my husband because I'm an extremely light sleeper. He as a sleep disorder that keeps me up. So, I live with a cat that does the same thing. Jumps and plays, fights with other cats under the door. I get no sleep. I have fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease, herniated discs in my back from a bad car accident in early 2007. Been a stay at home mom, work very seldom. Feel worthless, always broke...So, why am I here?