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1443647 tn?1284330198

WHY.......

I lost my wonderful husband of 28 years to esophageal cancer in Jan. Of 2010!!
He only knew he had it for 4 days before he died suddenly!!
I didn't even find out about it till the day AFTER he died!! ( I was on a family emergency in another state when this happened!!)
Then to top it all off I was barred from seeing him before he was cremated & wasn't allowed to go to his funeral!! I've had bi-polar disorder since birth and he was my LIFE, my Soul mate My EVERYTHING!!
I don't know HOW I'm gonna survive this!! I haven't so far!!!!
PLEASE HELP!!
What can I do??
Best Answer
1438412 tn?1315507919
I am in the same situation. I married my first love at 18. We were married for 34yrs. Everyday no matter what was going on I loved him more. I prayed every night begging God not to let me lose him. I was out of town when he died. He had suuden heart failure. When they found him he was sitting up in be, his glasses were still on and he had the remote control in his hand. When they told me he was dead I remember thinking he can't be dead because my heart is still beating and if his heart wasnt beating mine would have stopped too. I can't tell you how many times I wish it had. Some people say he'll always be with you in your memories. Memories dont hold you at night or hold you in his arms all night they only hurt right now. I tried wrinting him letters but that only made me mad. I know men who dirty the air they breath they don't even know what love is and basically the world would be a better place if they were not in it. But my husband had more love to give than anyone can imagine. His death shooked my faith to the limit. I realize I wasn't shaken but mad at him. Then I realized that I still believe if I didnt who was I so made at. Slowly my faith got stronger. I have to believe I'll see him again or I couldnt go on. It's been 6 yrs and it still hurts beyond imagination. I am slowly trying to thank God that he didn't suffer at all, that was a kindness. I wish I could tell you something that would help but I still haven't found the answer to the question. My survival so far has been to cling to the people I love and keep the faith that we will be together one day. The Hospic program has a counsoler who helps you deal with death and it's free. Maybe you could them, I think a cansolar would help me but I move around so it wouldnt do me much good. But if you could I really think it would help. It helps me to talk with someone like you who has been there too. The pain hasn't gone away but I'm finding a few tools that help. You will be on my mind and my heart.
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Avatar universal
I am so sorry, and think "why" is the question we all ask during times like this.  I don't know why things were withheld, or why you weren't allowed to see him, seems very cruel to me.  But now you need to think of the wonderful life the two of you shared, and know that he knows how much you love and miss him.  I found journaling my feelings and emotions helped a lot, even writing letters to him will help.  He will hear the words you write.  Doing this is very therapeutic for us during a difficult time like this, it's a form of release. You should also look into therapy to learn coping skills for a loss like this.  Google support groups in your area and meet other women who have lost their husbands.  You have to carry on and he will live on in you.  Be grateful for the time you had with him, and why it ended like it did nobody knows.  Just take it one day at a time.  It will get better, I'm not sure how or why, just that it does.  He would want you to live your life and be happy.  But take the time to mourn, don't try to pretend you're not hurting.  You will survive this, and let the love you two shared carry you through this life.  Big hugs to you and take care.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You have normal feelings.  It is totally understandable to feel like this and the only way through it is to go through and get counseling if needed.  It will take you two years to feel close to normal.  Time helps and you still have your life, to make the most of, good luck
Helpful - 0
1443647 tn?1284330198
Thank you for all you're inputs------and you hit it right on the head finsright!! I KNOW Exactly how you feel because I feel the same way!!

Thank you and Please add me as a friend--all of you----maybe we can help each other!!
Helpful - 0
1438412 tn?1315507919
Maybe well can find a way to get pass the pain together
Helpful - 0
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