Depression and stopping medications -- suicide?

[888mom]

Something happened that is really freaking me out, and I don't know how to handle the issue, what to say, what to do.  My mom has graves disease (thyroid disorder) and had her thyroid removed with radiation and now has to take a pill every day to maintain proper thyroid function.  My dad had to go out of town for a week and left my mom at home alone.  She's only 64, so that's not out of the normal.  It's not like she's in her 90s and can't take care of herself, except maybe she can't take care of herself sometimes which we found out.  He came back to find her pretty lethargic, not really talking, and not eating/drinking or anything.  He took her to the ER.  He also took her medication bottles with him.  My dad noticed that it looked like she hadn't been taken her medications, any of them including her thryoid medications for at least a week, possibly a little longer.  And the blood tests the hospital is running are confirming that.  My mom also developed walking pnemonia and some sort of intestinal infection, so they are keeping her admitted in the hospital to get her thyroid back to normal function, help her recooperate from the pnemonia and other infection, and also for a psychiatric evaluation.

Did my mom stop taking the medication because she was depressed and was suicidal or did she stop taking the medication because she wasn't feeling well?  And even if she didn't feel well, why would she stop taking a medication for so long if she knows she needs it to stay alive?  I mean, I've stopped taking my antidepressant meds before, thinking i could battle stuff on my own, but that wouldn't kill me.  Thyroid medications stuff is serious and can kill her if she doesn't take it.  I'm just so confused.

I battle depression off and on myself, and so do a couple of my siblings.  One of my great-grandfathers was institutionalized for many months for depression.  So, it's a really genetic thing.  And although I battle depression myself, everyone has it in their own way.  

So, what do I say to my mom?  Do I confront her on this after she gets out of the hospital?  Or is it something my dad needs to confront her on?  And what if he won't confront her on this issue?  I don't live near my parents and I recently just saw them, and at the moment I can't afford a trip out to see them because we are broke and in debt after a $7000 furnace and AC and water heater (they all broke at the same time) and many medical bills and car repairs over the past several months.  (we really have had some bad luck financially this year).   I really want to go visit, but I can't.  And driving 16 hours with a 2 year old in the car?  Not going to happen.  And I don't know what I can say on a telephone.  What is okay to say?  What do I say?  I don't want my mom to shut down more and not talk to me if she gets upset at me, but I don't want to just ignore things either.  

[hope_for_more]

I'm certainly no expert though several members of my husband's family have Graves including his brother who has to be on an AD because of the depression associated with it.  Perhaps it's as simple as your mother's dose of thyroid med was not adjusted properly causing her to have problems.

I agree with the other posters, give her your love and support.  Hopefully the hospital will have the medical issues sorted out and then perhaps some therapy would be a good idea just to be sure.

Good luck to you and your family.

[vegansmile]

Unfortunately we don't have control over other people we love when they make poor decisions.  This can be so difficult.
What I would suggest is reaching out to your mom by telephone. Try not to sound judgmental, worried or angry. I know it's not easy. I've reached out to loved ones in similar situations and handled it quite poorly. I've learned through my own experience that when I'm in bad a place unconditional love and support help best. Someone INSISTING that I do or stop doing something doesn't work.
I would suggest telling your mom that you love her and want to support her. Voice your concerns in a loving supportive way around her behavior with her meds. If you are able, try to call her everyday at the same time to offer support. Ask her permission to do this. Let her know she can call you. Show her LOTS of respect. She's already feeling bad about herself. Try to build her up. Casually bring up anything positive, funny etc...from the past.  Share some of your struggles if you're comfortable with that so she knows she's not alone. I'm probably not telling anything you don't already know. Sometimes a reminder helps :)

Remember to take care of yourself during this difficult time with your mom.
Good Luck~

[April2]

I don't think I would CONFRONT her at all, not unless you want to put a rift between you two. I think I would talk to her GENTLY and express your concern and love for her. Tell her how you felt, now scared you were and how much you love her and just want her to be ok. Ask her how she was feeling leading up to her stopping her meds. Be warm, loving and supportive. And most of all be calm. She's a grown woman and you can't MAKE her do anything even talk to you if she doesn't want to. Just keep letting her know how much you love her and that you're here for her if and when she needs you or if she just needs to talk. I really think that's about all you can do. I hope she understands and appreciates your love for her. I hope you and your mom will be able to open up and talk. That's the most important thing. Best wishes.