i believe im stupid.

[ragnar336]

MY WHOLE LIFE PEOPLE HAVE TREATED ME A CERTAIN WAY. I NEVER HAD A BAD CHILDHOOD OR WAS REALLY MADE FUN OF, BUT THIS WAS DUE TO MY NOT TALKING TOO MUCH. I WAS FRIENDS WITH THE POPULAR CROWD, BUT COULD ALWAYS TELL THAT OTHER PEOPLE SOCIALIZED IN WAYS THAT MADE THEM SEEM MORE AWARE AND ADULT AT TIMES. I NEVER REALY THOUGHT ABOUT IT UNTIL I WAS IN MY FIRST YEAR OF TRADE SCHOOL. THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE I HUNG OUT WITH HAD MADE HINTS AT THE LACK OF MY INTELLIGENCE(NOT KNOWING HOW DUMB I REALLY WAS) THEN AFTER THAT I REALLY PAYED CLOSE ATTENTION TO MY SOCIAL BEHAVIOR AND HOW WELL I CAN INTERACT WITH OTHERS. IT WAS HORRIBLE. THIS EXPLAINS A LOT ABOUT HOW WHILE IN SCHOOL THE KIDS WOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THE TEACHERS.

AFTER 4 YEARS OF PAYING ATTENTION TO MY HABITS I HAVE COMFIRMED THAT IM WELL BELOW AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE. I CANT SOCIALIZE WITHOUT POEPLE THINKING SOMETHINGS WRONG WITH ME. THEY THINK SOMETHINGS WORNG WITH ME BECAUSE I CARY MYSELF IN A WAY THAT HIDES MY TRUE INTELLIGENCE. I COME ACROSS AS A REAL ******* BECAUSE I AVOID PEOPLE AND ALWAYS TRY TO CUT CONVERSATIONS SHORT OUT OF FEAR OF SOMEONE FINDING OUT IM STUPID.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SOMEONE IS STUPID AND KNOWS IT?

AND FOR ALL OF THOS EOUT THERE THAT THINK TELLING ME IM NOT STUPID WILL HELP... YOUR JUST PATRONIZING ME.

[Salason]

Would you tell me how ur doing now , because my brother have the same problem

[ragnar336]

I understand, but i think i have narrowed it down. either your correct or i have a below average IQ and was never diagnosed. regardless i will go to a doctor and find out.

i did find out what aspergers is and maybe this is what i have. either way ill go to a doctor and find out.

[kathy434]

A lawyer who represents himself at trial is a fool.  Ever hear of this analogy?  In other words, we can sometimes be our own worse enemy trying to do things on our own.  There are times when one needs to let another, professional in the field, take our hand and help us through our troubles.  In your case, you are not seeing the light through your discussions.  You need the help of a professional to get you on track again.  Refusing to do this is foolish. K

[ragnar336]

let me add. that in my childhood i did have bad experiences with parents of my friends i wasnt to bad, but i guess they could tell something was wrong with me. i never really noticed the way they treated me until i began to be suspicious of my intelligence.

[ragnar336]

I never had a problem as a child or teenager, but thats more likely because my behavior was more acceptable. i tried trade school. and the results were as if i was stupid. people never studied as much as i did and i got ****** results. when i call myself stupid i dont think im just full out retarded, but i am to the guage where my social behavior, lack of self respect and confidence make some people think im wierd. it just ***** to know what the weird person gets treated like and be treated that way as well. i wa salways nice to the weird guys in school, never really got close to them, but i thought it was safe to be nice to them. now i feel like people look at me that way.

[mikeywilk]

I can relate to your feeling stupid.  I feel that I am not intelligent all the time.  And that I have to prove to people that I am smart so that they will respect me.  I had a horrible nickname as a child, which was 'Duh'.  I here what you are saying and can relate to you.  In social situations, especially in groups, I struggle.  And lately my reading comprehension is not great.. so I always am conscious and aware of that.  You sound like you are very smart in the trades.  Those types of jobs require a lot of hands on intelligence which you most definitely are skilled well in that area.

[ragnar336]

i just want to discuss it a little. i dont think anyone can help me but myself.

[soslady]

I often feel the think the same way too.  Like it takes me a long time read stuff and figure out stuff as my classmates.

I also have difficulty socializing with people in not knowing what to say.  I struggle to find the right words and sometimes in the middle of trying to talk to someone I totally forget the word that i am looking for.  I always feel like I'm being misunderstood with what i am trying to communicate with.  It is easier for me to write than it is talk to someone.  That makes me feel stupid.  It's so pathetic because I hardly talk to anyone face to face.  I hardly say much if i do.

I reason that i wasn't brought up in a social, caring environment.  My parents were very educated and they didn't talk a whole lot.  I was very shy and my environment was very negative and siblings were always talking down to me.  Kids would make fun of me for not talking.  Kids tried to make fun of me but that didn't help me talk more.

It took me years to finally be able to talk to people.  Even today i struggle in that i can't talk to group of people.  I end up quiet and not knowing what to say and feeling left out.

I know that i have a problem and I try to teach myself to get better even though i don't feel like i make much progress.

However, if i realized if i called myself stupid and be hard on myself, then i would be depressed very often. And people would not to like to be around me if i called myself that.

If i see someone struggling with something he finds difficulty, i wouldn't call him/her stupid so why would i call myself stupid even if i think it was true.

The point i am trying to say is that you have to love yourself and say yes i have problems that many people i meet with don't seem to have.  Yes, I still struggle a lot of  times and it gets me down.

But it's hardest to have a relationship with someone who hard on him/herself.  It makes the other person feel uncomfortable and don't know how to give you a chance.  You can still be a likeable person even if you're a quiet or don't know how to tell a witty story.

Don't be so hard on yourself.  Don't compare with yourself with the next guy even though it probably is hard not to.  

I always end up comparing myself with others who are so smart but really that should be avoided because I end up spoiling my day and making me feel bad about myself.  It ruins my productivity.

I still try and comfortable with myself.  I keep trying to improve myself each time too.

If you had more confidence, I am sure you could do a much more with that confidence than without it.  Then you'd realize there are some things you can do much more than you realize.  Maybe you have some other gifts that others who appear "smart" don't have.

It's way too easy to be down on yourself and when you are, you have difficulty appreciating yourself and thus it makes it harder to take care of yourself.

Stop analyzing and comparing yourself with others.  Dwelling on these comparisons are more harmful than good.  The thing is you could also be wrong in some of your analysis because you're too down on  yourself.  And others would find it hard to have a relationship with you when you're are dwelling on these things they maybe they don't even thinkk about but you keep bringing it up or that you're too busy to notice that people that accept you in their life but you're too caught up over these trivial details.

What happens when one notice they're stupid?  They get depressed and don't take care of themself.  They waste time dwelling on minute details and they obsess at every mistake they do.  They get scared of trying anymore.  They have low self esteem.  They shut themself out of the world.  People who care about them don't know how to reach out to them because they already gave up on themself.  

Or people who don't know them would find it hard to want to get to know him/her because he/she is so down on him/herself.

Thus, I urge you to stop focusing on how slow you are, etc.  Be grateful that you can learn even if you forget sometimes.  

I hope this makes sense.

[kathy434]

OK.  Apparently you like to feel depressed, stupid, socially incapable and suicidal.  I don't understand, but if this is what you seem to want, then OK.  Suite yourself.  I thought you came to this forum for some help.  I was wrong.    K

[ragnar336]

yes, but i dont feel like drugging myself into being normal.

[kathy434]

Rather than keeping up this argument, you need to talk with a psychologist or counselor as to why you are so depressed.  You speak like a very depressed person.  When you start feeling better, this train of thought will end.  You will again feel like joining the rest of the world.     K

[BoHager]

Keep this short. You can read all the books in the world and be a A student and be smart as can be. But still not be intelligent. An intelligent person knowes, what they don't know

[Paxiled]

No, they're quite intelligent.  They're just stupid.

[ragnar336]

i agree that there is a difference between educated, and intellignet. when i can know something about a certain subject. it doesnt matter if person x doesnt has aquired that knowledge. when it comes to the ability to absorb information into your head and retain it is an entirely different contest.

and i understand where i lie.

this means im not as stupid as stupid can be because im not oblivious to it, but its just so ****** not having the social skills to make life a little bit easier. people treat me like a child and for good reason.

and i agree. on a more macro scale humans are very unintelligent.... arguably.

i dont blame people for it. these are just my genes.

[Paxiled]

I have no idea if you're intelligent or stupid, as I don't know you, but the two aren't the same thing.  Intelligence is the ability to learn, and we have no accurate way to measure this.  How smart or stupid you are is how much you've learned, not how capable you are of learning.  Very intelligent can be very stupid, because they don't use their intelligence.  Very smart people can be not so intelligent because they outwork others.  Whatever you are, you can compensate for it.  And remember, all humans are idiots or we wouldn't do such stupid things all the time, some people are just better at pretending.

[kathy434]

also, I am not patronizing you.  I don't stoop to that level.  If you still feel I am patronizing you then I have this to say.  You are ignoring the positives in your life and digging up as many negatives as you can possibly create.  Just be aware of this.  It is your choice if you want to continue thinking the way you are, or start looking at the world around you in reality.  Nobody is perfect, and you will never enjoy the fragrance of the flowers as long as you have your head in a hole.   K

[kathy434]

First off.  If you're stupid and know it, then you are not stupid.  Just by what you wrote and the way you wrote, you are not stupid by a long shot.  Somewhere you were given the impression that you had to behave a certain way to come across as intelligent.  You are being hard on yourself because you have learned sometime that you should not consider yourself as good as the next person.
There are always going to be persons who are smarter than we, as well as persons who are not as smart as we.  You, like everybody, are normal.  It is not important to be judging yourself against other people.  Some people are very outgoing (extraverts), some people are very quiet and thoughtful (introverts).  It doesn't make one better than the other.  The world is not all one color, or one thing, or everything alike.  That would make for a very boring world, wouldn't it.
Rather than bashing yourself for not being the life of the party, the genius that only a very few are in the entire world, spend your time identifying all the things you like to do and think about and do the things that bring YOU pleasure.  Books, art, horseback riding, exercise, being a good listener, you can come up with a list of your own and make it as long as you possibly can.  Keep adding to it over the week.  You are very likely not as dull or "stupid"  as you think.  You may start to realize you are quite a nice person that somebody would like to share time with because they can just enjoy a quiet sane conversation, or no conversation, with.
You have no idea how a chatter bug can irritate me up the wall.  I would probably find you to be a great friend.              K

[ragnar336]

when i educatemyself on a subject i remember far less of what ive read than any other person i have experienced. so just because i do educate myself doesnt make me able to become as educated as the next person. its like at a party. people remember other peoples names and little tidbits of info about those people.... i dont. i can study their names like a wierd person, but by the time i get names down others have moved on to getting to know that person.

and yes i wonder how many unintelligent people actually come to realize their stupidity like i do... it seems that deluding ones self form reality is almost a survival thing. i tend to think very open minded. where most others think they themselves are the smart one and others are to blame. i blame nobody.

thanks for doing what you consider being helpful. i do appreciate someone actually caring.

[mammo]

You're correct, I may not understand what you are saying.  But you admit that you've educated yourself on a number of things, if you were stupid you wouldn't be able to do this.  You say you wish you could show me how dumb you are...don't you think if you were truly dumb we wouldn't be able to have this conversation?  You also say you do know how to act socially, so it is confusing.  You sound very bright in what you write.  People who are truly ignorant don't know it, they are oblivious to it.  Maybe seeing other people who you feel are like you brings you down because you are not like them?  I apologize for not understanding, I hope someone else will come on and be able to better help you.  Take care....

[ragnar336]

i dont think you can really understand what im speaking about. they are not my friends anymore either.

you said to educatemyself. i do try to educatemyself a lot. this is why people think im not so dumb because i have educated myself on a number of things.

i dont expect you to understand because you dont experience my behavior on a regular basis and cant actually study it likei do. i wouldnt be saying this if i wasnt sure. it took many years of curiosity to figure out.

i think i just need to make frends with people who are as slow as myself, but its so depressing because i can tell that they are like me and it bringsd me down.

i appreciate you, the stranger telling me in not stupid, but it happens to some people would you disagree? its just unfortunate that this happened to me, and even more so that im not ignorant to my stupidity like most people.

i wish i could show you just how dumb i am. it bleeds through in my social skills(and yes i do know how ot act) its my manurisms that really give something away

as long as i act like im smart people will just continue to think im a mean person. and im not sure which i would rather. they already treat me like a child and for good reason.

[mammo]

We all learn at some point in our lives how to act appropriately with people in a social gathering.  With many it takes years to learn this, which is fine so long as you are learning. By watching others we can learn a lot, life is a great teacher in so many ways.  If you feel stupid....change it.  You have all the control here and the ability to educate yourself. If the people you call friends hint at your lack of intelligence, then I'm not so sure I would strive to be more like them.  Being popular doesn't make your actions good or correct, sometimes it merely means you know how to work people. You wouldn't have made it to trade school being stupid, you're lacking self esteem, and confidence.  You can try reading some self-help books on this, or getting into therapy.  You will become what you keep telling yourself you are.  So, you need to start thinking more positive about yourself.  It's not patronizing for someone to tell you that you're not stupid.  Have you considered that maybe someone is seeing something you're not?  Maybe you've been too busy thinking in a negative way to see all the positives you possess? It often takes someone to not only point out our weak areas, but our strong ones as well.  Nobody has it all figured out, they may appear to, but trust me everyone is struggling with something.  Try to look for and dwell on all you've accomplished thus far, and work on setting and achieving goals for yourself one step at a time.  You've spent a long time thinking you're stupid, so it's going to take time to convince yourself that you're not, be patient with this and yourself.  Take care....