Hi,
I know how you feel...i know so much of the pain your feeling. And i know that sometimes words are hardly helpful and your probably sick of hearing this but it does get better. You may be depressed, but even the saddest people in the world have moments of happiness. For now, when your not in a good place, hold on to those moments to get you through. I cut myself so i know this is hypocritical but really try not to. Because one day you will be rid of the constant depression and you wont want those scars there to remind you. Whenever you feel like cutting, maybe put a rubber band around your wrist and try snapping it a bunch of times. It feels a lot like cutting, except it doesnt scar you for life.
How old are you?
I suggest you try therapy and maybe medication. Meds can lessen the symptoms while therapy gets to the root of your issues and helps build you up to be a stronger, happier,and better person. You dont need to feel like this, there is help out there. and even though it feels like it, you are not alone.
You can message me anytime you want if you ever need to vent or just someone to talk to.
I wish you well!
bacla's idea about group sessions is a very good one.
When I was in school, I was severely depressed for two years, but there were only broken, self-harming people around me. Far from helping me out, they were too broken to do so. Even when they tried to help (and usually they were too focussed on their own brokenness to do so) and I tried to help them, we only dragged each other down into even worse despair. It is very draining for someone to help someone out of depression, even if they are fully healthy. For someone who is also ill at the same time, it is nearly impossible.
So I think what you really need is not someone who is broken, but someone who has been so and is no longer. Luckily I have that now. And probably the best way for you to find someone like that would be in group sessions or a counsellor or something similar. Keep looking until you find someone, and get your doctor to put you in touch with support networks in your area, because there almost certainly are multiple networks which you haven't even heard of. You may meet really horrible doctors or counsellors, but if that happens you must simply try another. Which can be hard to do, but is really worth it.
Good luck.
I understand how you feel. i too would love to have a friend around me that has what i have so that i at least have one person in my life that understands me and that i can trust and talk to about everything. look into some group sessions on your illness locally. a girl from this website gave me that idea and i am going to look into it and try it.