Thank you gemme771, I don't think my kids think I'm either. I try to be there for them at much as possible. They are my life. My daughter, I think may be noticing a change though. I mean I try not to let them at me in my week condition... But she had asked me "are you ok", "what's wrong", "why do you look sad", "are u crying"? And I always tell her its allergies, that I'm tired, and that I may be getting sick. She may not always believe me... But makes me break down even more when she hugs me and kisses my forehead. I'll go to the rest room and hid there for a few min until I calm down. They haven't noticed that...I think.
Again, thank you all for your support.
some times we can hold in so much sorrow and pain for so long that eventually our emotions become cloged like when a pipe is blocked it cant take much more and it backs up and it dont show what backed it up right away first the other stuff must come out then you see what caused the block but sometimes help is needed to identify what is comeing up
also i am shore your kids dont think you are worthless you are there mother
LillyPad420 why are you so sad ?
also part of being the strong one is to be brave enough to ask for help
do not be afraid to talk to your friends and family be a exsample by showing them how strong you are even in this kind of struggle
show them that you are strong enough to get through this
God bless you
I can't take it anymore... I also drink wine every now and again. Love it. About a month ago I drank a whole bottle by myself in just a couple hrs. Next day I was hung over and didn't want to go through it again. Today... I don't care. My children are with their father and I'm home alone. I'm sure it wouldn't be too bad. Guess I wasn't as strong willed after all. I feel so worthless, useless, yet deep down inside I kno I'm valuable. I just didn't kno I had so many tears in me. Why can't I stop???
Thank you! I will look into the link. I'm sure I will find something
http://www.yellowpages.com/tucson-az/free-depression-support-groups
If you live in Tucson, try some of these or google "free counseling".
I'm not sure where you live, but I'd bet that there are free programs available to you in regards to seeing a counselor and perhaps some medication.
I read something right after I got the guts to see a therapist. It was about "strong people" and their inability to ask for help. People look at us as the people who can get things done, no matter the circumstance. They seek solutions to all problems no matter how big or how small.
Anyhow, the article was written by a guy who battled depression and his therapist said "Strong people often break the hardest". it went on to say that strong people tend to "ignore" all of the little warning signs going on in their heads and they just keep putting the inevitable off until there is a break of sorts.
Its best to address the issue before anything happens. Look around in your community.
By the way, I admire your staying away from drinking yourself to sleep. That is one issue I have been dealing with. My husband like to drink wine, and always has a bottle in the fridge. As long as it is there, it is almost impossible for me not to finish it off. But in the past few months, I have been getting better at just having something else like tart cherry juice in sparkling water and that has been a decent substitute. I know it sounds trivial, but it has been working.
I understand what you mean about the family reply. That would be hard to take. It hurts more when people close to you shut you out. Its OK for a stranger to say it to you. Unfortunately, there is nothing about being family that automatically teaches them how to say, "Can we do anything to help you." Or "I wish there were something we could do." Or, "Keep talking, I am listening." Unless their parents taught them the inability to know how to be compassionate just keeps getting passed along. I am sure that they love you, they just have not the foggiest notion how to say it.
Thank you Nellie. I will try exceeding a little more. I'm sure it'll help. Annoy my fam and friends, I'm sure they would hear me but then not really kno what to say other than "get over it" or "let's get drunk". Quite honestly I do get to a point where I want to drink myself to sleep but I don't because I have my 2 children with me. They are my motivation. I keep going for them, I put my "Game Face" as I like to call it, so they don't see past my smile. Thank you so much for your words and help Nellie. Good bless
Dear Lilly, there are millions of things you can do. FIRST: are you sure that your friends and family are not there and hoping that you will ask them for help? You know that most people like to help others, but are often afraid to approach them. SECOND: Everyone has long periods of feeling alone. We are all actually on our own. Sometimes you need to get professional help in the form of medications that can help the brain chemistry. We are all subject to the levels of brain chemicals. I, for example, do not produce enough serotonin so I get easily depressed. I feel the most alone when I am in a crowd and not in touch with any of them. THIRD: Exercise vigorously enough to get your heartbeat up for at least 15 minutes every day. The chemical changes and the oxygen circulation and the movement does more to elevate good mood producing chemicals than anything else you can do. That is just a start. Of course, I am sure that you realize that I am talking to myself here because it is 3am for me and I can't sleep because I slept in today and did not exercise and basically did everything wrong today. Tomorrow is a new start and maybe I will do better.