End stage renal failure

[spooches610]

Hi I'm new to this forum and stumbled onto it while looking for help with my dog not eating. I have a 15 1/2 year old toy poodle named Chloe. She was my daughter's Christmas present in 1994 but has really become my dog over the years. I have noticed Chloe not eating as much and losing weight but attributed it to her advanced age and problems with arthritis. We had her at the Vet's office 3 months ago and he told me she was in pretty good health for her age with the exception on a slight decrease in kidney function and suggested putting her on KD. She has always eaten dry dog food but did not like the KD and I started mixing it with chicken broth to try to get her to eat better. When that failed, I started trying out different foods. They didn't work much better. After a trip to the Vet on April 12, the Vet called and said Chloe was in end stage renal failure. I saw a different Vet from the one I had seen before. She told me her creatinine level was at 6 and wanted to get it down to 3 so they kept her for a couple of days. I told them she would not eat the dry KD so they put her on canned KD and gave her some IV treatments. When I called to check on her they told me her level was down to 4 and let her go home. I went to pick her up and was given a very expensive bill along with a case of KD. The Vet also told me she had some loose stools and gave me pills for that with the recommendation that she take them twice a day. When I got her home I fed her the KD which she ate a little of and then the pill for the loose stool. She started to heave and I took her outside and she staggered, fell, and vomited. She didn't have any more loose stools so I did not give her any more of the pills as they made her so sick. The following day I again offered the KD but she refused to eat it. I called the Vet and she gave me a prescription for canned Royal Canin. She has only eaten small amounts of that and in fact it has taken 2 days to eat 3/4 of one can. She is not drinking as much water either. Has anyone had any luck with a diet I found on line consisting of ground beef, white rice, egg, and white bread slices? It is breaking my heart to see her starving to death. We have given her thin sliced turkey that I'm sure is not good for her since it is processed just to get her to eat something. Of course she readily eats that. I have read many heartbreaking stories on here and as hard as it will be for me, I know I will do the humane thing and put her down once she is unable to hold anything down. This disease seems hopeless and I am very sad.

[mummyandkiri]

Hello Tony, what healing words you write not only to me, but through so many posts here, I see your caring for others - I thank you so very much for you taking the time to give me the reassurance I so desperately need.

Traumatized is so correct!  All day long I have had mixed thoughts.  As she is unlike my other babies not at the end of the road of a long battle and lost, this decision is so much harder - I know I could make her go on, but to what avail?  More time for me and her facing awful suffering to come?  

We only got the full diagnosis just over a week ago - it's all so fast and such a shock.  Knowing what you know will be in store for her from so many you have helped here over the years and of course your own terrible experience, are we being too hasty or is it absolutely correct what you stated and I have too that this will be our final gift of love to her to save her from the suffering to come?

Jilly - Kiri's mummy x

[tonyb286]

Hello. Your story about Kiri truly touched my heart. Although this weekend is going to be heartbreaking for you, I know, Kiri has been extraordinarily lucky to have had you share her life. The early life you describe was brutal and it's amazing how she rallied and has survived to such a good old age, all with your love, care and attention. This disease is just about the worst there is, because when it progresses to the final stages, we feel so darned helpless. On Monday, you will be performing the last act of love and kindness, even though it will be dreadful and traumatic.

I know you will be spending all your time with her today and tomorrow, and giving her so many hugs - I also know you will feel like we all feel when it gets to this stage - bereft and traumatized. Tears will flow constantly, your heart will pound from the anxiety and thoughts of how you will survive through Monday will swim around in your head. These are the symptoms of love and loss.

While these are the worst days anyone could imagine ... please remember you gave Kiri so much happiness during her long life, and without you, that may never have happened. She is a lucky dog and, despite the sad time to come, if she could, she would thank you from the bottom of her heart for inviting her to share those wonderful years with you.

My heart goes out to you and tears are in my eyes as I write ... because I know how difficult this is. Please be brave. You have made the right decision. I send you the biggest cyber hug I can muster. Come back here and talk about Kiri and your feelings whenever you need to. You are in good company and with people that understand and empathize.

Tony x

[mummyandkiri]

Thank you so much....sadly she has deteriorated so very fast.  She went back to the vets today for a blood test, my vet was so depressed to give me the results - no improvement after trying so many different meds to bring down the phosphate levels and kidney function has decreased - together with her weight in a week!  
Our lovely Kiri started her life suffering at the hand of an awful man, who beat her so badly she was in hospital for a month - he pulverized one of her hips, dislocated the other and had so many haematomas over her ears from the beating - she thank goodness was rescued by the RSPCA and funnily enough it was my vet who put her back together.  She has lived 15 years with no right hip and when we eventually were able to adopt her (it took 9 months to get through the court - before she was fully signed over to the RSPCA and we could then adopt her) she walked only on 3 legs.  After a few months of living with us she started to use all 4 and is still doing so, albeit rather shakily now.  Due to her lack of eating, weakness and knowing from reading here what she has in store if we keep her going - we heartbreakingly today made the decision she started her life suffering, we will not let her end her life suffering.  We are going to let her go on her spirit journey where hopefully she will be met by her doggie sister and brother, on Monday.  I feel sick to the stomach even writing that :( I have to think right now, we were given 2 more years after her surgery for liver cancer and be thankful.  Nothing though truly can make us feel better, can it?  
My heart goes out to you, I so understand that pining and the emptiness.
For me, this will be the first time in over 30 years I will be without a little soul in my home - the quiet and emptiness I can't imagine.  I am fortunate to have a  wonderful husband, but when he's not here - I will be so alone.  I am going to have to learn to rebuild a life for myself which I have neglected for so long as I have been their nurse.  I have not left them alone and only ever go out if someone can cover for me.
My heart is breaking - I too have cried so very much today.  
I send you big hugs x

[mommy_to_boston]

Hi
Thanks for you comments, I am so very sorry to hear about your beloved Kiri, how heartbreaking it is to watch our most loved pets have an incurable disease, wanting so much to help them but knowing there is nothing you can do. The one thing that you can give her is your unconditional and devoted love, give her as much as you can while you still have her. I know i absolutley broke my heart and sobbed many times watching my Boston and knowing i was losing him, and coming to terms with it is also heartbreaking.. I have had a rough week this week, still grieving badly for him, knowing that it was 1 year this week when we got the awful news that devastated my life, that Boston was poorly with no chance of survival. I have been crying alot this week, i miss him so very much and don't honestly think i will ever stop pining for him, Yes... that is exactly how i feel, i am pining for him. Anyway, sending my love to you and your beautiful Kiri, happy birthday to her too. Hugs, thinking of you x

[mummyandkiri]

Hi....I am new to this site, purely as I have researched and researched for help with CKF and trying to find ways to feed my Kiri to the point I feel I'm going insane.  
Besides what my beautiful little girl is going through right now I just felt I needed to interject here and let you know you are 100% normal to me. As I see Tony has said we all grieve differently.  I lost one of my furry babies to cancer 10 years ago - it took me 6 years to finally come to terms and not cry when a poignant song came on the radio or TV.  I still cannot listen to some particular songs and either switch channel or turn off.  The tears involuntarily pour down my cheeks.  I have loved all my wonderful animals, but this incredible dog I was in love with.   I had 3 beautiful babies (4-legged) all together, my Kiri with CKF is the last one - she is now 15 on Saturday and diagnosed with this awful disease.  She has overcome liver cancer, cushings, pancreatitis, all of what my 2nd one had, but lived to 16 & 1/2.  I am grieving now, as I know this can't be cured.  
But...enough of what I'm going through with her.  My reason was to tell you, you must be a beautiful sensitive person, and as Tony said - people who love animals the way we do must have the biggest hearts, but that means our big hearts ache.  No non-animal person could ever understand such a love as we do with our animal babies.
Time will help (cliche I know), keep lots of photos around you and what helped me was watching videos to see them when they were healthy and happy and made them feel close and tangible.
I am not morbid, but I took solace in cremating them and bringing home their little caskets which I keep next to my bed on a dresser with their photos - it comforts me, not saddens me to know they are close.  Honestly though I know their gorgeous spirits/souls are running free - I just hope they aren't too busy enjoying themselves that they forget to meet Kiri when that dreaded day arrives.
Love and hugs to you and to everyone here x

[tonyb286]

Hi. Seven months and still grieving is (honestly) not unusual. Much depends on what is happening in our lives, the support we have from others - and the closeness we feel to the dog. Sometimes the grief can go on for much longer than seven months, but in looking back, I'm sure you will agree it is nothing like the intensity of the first month - which means things are improving, albeit slowly and in small steps.

When we feel empty and alone, it is indeed so much more emotionally charged. During these periods, it's worth having a distraction - take a short walk, visit a friend, do some window shopping in town ... anything that takes your mind off things, just for a while.

I know Boston was your world. But time sadly moves on, even when we might wish it wouldn't. The last thing Boston would want is you feeling sad and in despair. He would want you to enjoy life and everything it has to offer ... and to share the love you have with other lost souls ... have you thought about helping out at your local dog shelter? Maybe that would be one way of distracting your thoughts - without committing to another dog (I know it's maybe too early to think about the latter). There are so many dogs that will be alone and sad this Christmas, so maybe you can help them - and in return, they can support you through your grief.

The yearning for Boston will get less, in time, and as your head becomes accustomed to the fact that some things just cannot be. Boston had a wonderful life, provided in part by you - but his time came and now has gone. It's time to move on, which is exactly what Boston would want you to do.

We NEVER forget our best friends. They are always with us, in our hearts and memories. Boston shared his time with you and loved every minute of it. He was a very lucky dog.

You are, as always, in my thoughts. Stay strong. Things will get better, I promise. Tony x