Am I normal

[abby10]

My son died over 3 years ago and I had a dream about him last night. It was one of those "very real" ones that can ruin your whole day. I found myself, when I woke up speaking to him. I think I still need to talk to a therapist after all this time.

His killer is in prision and I called the prision last night to find out what rights this murderer has. Apparetly a murderer has lots of rights in prision as he is a "ward of the state" and this animal has a case manager that is looking out for his rights and not mine.

I thought I was strong, but I feel like "broken glass" that broke all over again. How will I ever be strong enough to meet this murderer in 2011 for his parole hearing? My son was shot 4 times, 2 times in the back. The demons are gone, why can't they leave my head. My memories need to be good ones, not bad ones.

But I have to sleep, and the nightmares ruin me. Why does this still tear me up so?

abby

[Beachwalker33]

Glad we were able to be of comfort! Thats what this site is all about giving understanding and help when its so hard to find at times!For were all in the same boat and need loving advice to keep it from sinking..Prayer and inner strength keep me going! Although are strength may seem less to none at times,we just shake it off and move on,try to be happy!That's all we can do...God Bless,Jen

[abby10]

Thanks Jen,

That was a really bad day, thanks for your loving words. It does help.

Judy, thanks for your words of strength. That forum called M.O.M is exactly what I need. The county cut off funding for therapy for victims of crime and I think that forum will help.

Hugs,  
abby

[Judy2468]

I'm so sorry for the tragic loss of your beloved son 3 yrs. ago and time stands still when you lose a child (regardless of age) especially to violence. He is no longer suffer and is in peace in God's realm. There is also a grief forum called M.O.M. S(Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters), which is a blessing to parents who have experienced the death through violence of a child and you can share your experience with other mother's who have loss their children to violence.

Please have faith and trust in God's justice. God has given all mankind free will of choice. This inhumane animal that murdered your son, will one day stand before Almight God and will be held accountable for his actions. He is experiencing hell without liberty and among the worst of the worst, but his hell hasn't started yet...wait until he dies and he is going to know what the real hell feels like...hell eternally.

Please draw you straight from God. He will hold you up when you feel you can't take it anymore. You can share your thoughts, pains, anger with Him. He can relate, His son Jesus Christ was brutally murdered too.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Judy

[Beachwalker33]

Abby,
        Love knows No boundaries Love knows no end because love lives on.One of my favorite quotes is Death ends a life it does not end a relationship.My Mom passed away in August,I wish I could have a dream about my Mom,a happy one.I have a reaccuring dream since she passed,but not about her.Grieving is a natural part of closure.Sadness,loneliness,longing,and tears are all the hallmarks of grief.In time,if we allow ourselves to ,we leave grief and move on to honoring and remembrance.All changes involve loss,just as all losses require change.Your situation is a quite a bit more difficult for your subconsciously thinking about seeing the monster that took away your baby,your son.You can forgive,but you don't have to forget,For let God judge this person.He will never escape what he has done,he'll get his,don't worry about that,and as hard as it might be let it go and just leave it up to God.I'm so sorry that your son was taken away,but just think he's in heaven,where we all start off,and where some of us will eventually go again.Your son is always with you,in spirit and in your heart.How could this not hurt you,but be reassured that he's happy,healthy,and seeing beauty daily in heaven.Your deserve to move on and live again,your son would want that.For your work here is not done yet!Valarian root is natural and will help you sleep.Before you go to bed,close your eyes and pray to God to make these dreams stop,if there hurtful.Some religions believe that in a deep sleep we really are with our passed loved ones,usually around 3:00 A.M.Do you think this man that took your son away cares,don't give him your energy or time thinking about him,it gives him the power.He had his power taken away in prison and deserves what ever he gets,parole,are you kidding,gas chamber is what he deserves.If you go there and say your piece,I don't see him being released.Think of your son,and the happy memories you shared with him and try to forget about the circumstances that took him from you and brought him back to God.May God Bless and heal you! Big hug to you,Jen