How will I ever make it?

[praying_mom]

Some days seem so unbearable that I wonder how I can ever enjoy life again.  Oh there are times I actually laugh and momentarily forget reality, but I'm always pulled back to the nightmare.

It is SO difficult to think that I will never again see my son on this earth!  ....it takes my breath away.  What kind of world do we live in?!!!  There is heartache EVERYWHERE!

Then, just when I think I can't do it, somehow I make it through another day.  Will the pain ever go away or will I always have a broken heart? :\


Sandra
Mother of Jordan FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[praying_mom]

Yes, Hank, I feel very weary & tired today, too!  Too many changes in the last 10 months to adjust to.  First my son, then my aunt who had her funeral the SAME day & time as my son,  but she was in another state.  Four weeks later....my father-in-law unexpectedly left.  My husband was forced to retire a few months ago.  The job I've had for 9 years has come to an end.  My daughter is in the hospital on bed rest until she has a baby.  And I could go on and on and on with some petty things that are annoying, but just add fuel to the bonfire!

Well, the good news is that we still have Jesus!  I KNOW the future...I am just having some difficult days right now and trying to see the good in all this. God causes all things to work to our good, even though He does NOT orchestrate the bad things that happen like some people believe.  He came to give us life!!!  He IS a good God!  He does not cause or "allow" bad things to happen.

Thank you for sharing with me.  I'm sorry that you feel my pain and I will be praying for you, Hank!

Sandra
Mother of Jordan FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[henry576]

I feel your pain               as i have lost my 36 year old little brother.  I was a brother and semi-father to him as he struggled with drugs.  My father played good cop and i played tough cop with him.  But we lost him in the end anyways. What kind of a world do we live in?  i very much ask myself that every day.   Why so much pain?

Quite frankly i grow very weary and tired of it sometimes.  Hopefully            i will come to some sort of peace about it and the world as a whole.  But i'm very confused right now and ask for god's help.


Hank

[Judy246]

Sandra....go to www.compassionatefriends.com website.

It's a wonderful website for parents who have lost a child (at any age)....they have a forum just like this one that will bring you great comfort sharing your grief with parents who know exactly what you are going thru.....God bless...Judy

[PromisedLand]

Yes, mom, I know what you are going through...believe me I do. There is no way to describle to others who haven't experienced it...we've lost parents, which is tragic, friends, which is tragic, relatives which is tragic....heck 20 something years ago I acompanied my now 32 year old son to the funeral for a friend of his killed by a drunk driver....the most horrible thing I'd ever experienced and still very horrible, particularly watching the parents' reaction at the close of the funeral...

but I can never forget the image of my son laying there on life support one minute, and just 2 minutes after the removal..nothing..I just barely got back in the room in time...


Sorry...not very cheerful....God Bless you...

"in the arms of an angel...far away....


Jim

[praying_mom]

Jim,

Thanks for responding.  I'm sorry to hear about your son, and I know that YOU KNOW what I am going through.  I've been through many trials in my life, but nothing this horrific.

I don't really know any counselors in my area and I attempted to contact Compassionate Friends, but no one responded. I'm doing better today and finding lots of online support from people like yourself.

My son was 25 when he left and he will be 26 next week.  I think that is part of what has been upsetting me.....knowing that his birthday is coming up and what I am going to do.

"Time" is a strange thing.  My son even said, "The clock is evil" just weeks before he left.  When he said that, I said, "What do you mean?".  He replied, "Its like it knows when things are going to happen".

Thinking back, I think somehow he knew what was coming, but neither of us recognized it.  There are so many things I missed.  That is some of what has really troubled me.  There is no one to talk to that understands what I am talking about.  I sometimes know things are going to happen before they happen.  ....I've been that way most of my life.

It is very troubling to know that I "missed" something this important!  ...can't go back and change anything, though.  :\



Sandra
Mother of Jordan FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[PromisedLand]

I lost my 26yr old son in November and I still have down days (3 in a row so far)....they tell me as time goes by we remember the good things and have pleasant memories....I still can't believe he is gone...just looking at a picture can start me crying...

how old was your son and when did you lose him?

Try to find a counselor to help you, the words (and truth) that Judy wrote....but for now try to find a grief counselor or a group...I'm seeing one now that is helping me quite a  bit.

Good luck, God bless you..

Jim

[praying_mom]

Thank you for your words of encouragement and your thoughtfulness.  It really helped me!

Sandra
Mother of Jordan FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Judy246]

Sweetie....here is my little shoulder, but I have a big heart for you to lean on!

It's going to take time. As the bible states that we are living in the ends of times and there is soooo much pain everywhere.  I feel that the only thing worse at this time is if I would I would die, because it can't get any worse for me that losing my mom.  I feel like an orphan and she understood me (dad doesn't).  

You must keep faith and hope in the resurrection. That one day in God's time, your son will come running to you from the gates of heaven and be the guiding light to show you the way. We hurt, your son and my  mom are in peace. They are in a place where we can only imagine and why would they want to come back to what I call "hell".  Earth for me has become a hell, but we must go on....we must live.

One day you will accept what you can't change and the broken heart will heal, yet we will never forget, remember our loss with sadness, but with hope in the ressurection.

Talk with your pastor if you feel you just can't go on....I talked with my pastor and he was very comforting and uplifting.

It's going to be alright...one step and day at a time. Remember what I said in the past, the last thing your son want to feel is the pain in his mother's heart. He does not want you suffering, so make him proud and live life the way he would want you to live it. Judy