Avatar universal

My mom is dying

I am having so much trouble in dealing with my mom's prognosis of end stage COPD, failure to thrive, and dementia  How can I deal with this situation?  I am heartbroken because she is the closest family member to me.

10 Responses
332074 tn?1229560525
Right now, all you can do is don't miss a minute of time with her while she is still alive. Unfortunatly it is impossible to tell someone how to cope with a tragic illness and the death of a loved one. You will learn while going through this situation, that you take one minute at a time. Cry when you need to, Laugh if you can, Love always. It will be the most devistating thing you will go through. But somehow you will go on, even if you feel like not wanting to somedays.
331673 tn?1199354285
i just want you to know that love never dies...no matter what happens to us from a physical sense. Her love for you will carry you forward...and will teach you things that you may not even realize yet. this is a perfect time to reflect on the many positive things that she has provided for you. A suggestion may be that you can write her a poem about your love for her...or what she has meant to you...or it could be a letter or a song...anything. You will find that you will reflect on that from time to time...as it will be a connection to her if and when she does pass. it doest have to be published to have true meaning... Whether she is capable of hearing it...read it to her...and I know the message will get passed. I feel that the biggest fear we have of our parent's dying, me included, is feeling that we have not maximized our potential...or shown them our feelings etc. Simply do your best to do that now...and remember to the best of your ability....it doesnt need to be perfect. Love..and life will go on...please make a promise to yourself..and to her that you will take the lessons she has tought you about life and apply it towards worthy causes. another positive idea is to provide to your mother's charity...or even start a new one in your monther's name. There are so many ways to express your love for her...even after she is gone...that her love, and life will continue to be remembered.
Avatar universal
Hello elisa, I can relate to you, I lost my dad to Parkinsons Disease 6months ago. You are never ready to let a parent go. It does break your heart! I try to picture my dad at rest, and tell myself that dad finally beat that terrible disease. It can no longer make him suffer. When you see it that way it does make it a little bit better. But we will always have a void in our lives. My dad told me something before he died that helped me, he said,"I will not be with you physically, but I will be with you spiritually." That has helped me a lot, dad tried to prepare me for his death, he did well. I hope I have helped you! God Bless You!  Kande
Avatar universal
Hi Elisa,

My mom died  of COPD 3 days ago.  It was a long  battle.  But honestly, she was on so many meds that I think she suffered more from them than she did the disease itself. Sure she had trouble breathing and was very limited, but she made it around the house OK.   In her final stage, the Hospice gave her morphine.  For some reason they explained that it helps them breath better.  So she was on a pretty heavy dose of that.  But she honestly did not "gasp" for air, or die of lack of oxygen that I know of.  She just died in her sleep.
Sure I miss her DEARLY.   My heart is aching as I speak.  I would like to take comfort in knowing that she is in a better place, but do not know if she was truly a Christian.  I think
Avatar universal
Sorry, but guess I pushed a button and sent it before I was finished.

I think the best thing to do is spend as much time with her as you can, and tell her about Jesus.  If you don't know Him, then PLEASE buy you a bible and start reading it together.  This is SO important.  If you really want peace, then you need to know where your mom will spend eternity, and THEN if she is a child of God (assuming she is not), she will definitely have peace.

I am praying for you
Avatar universal
Hello Elisa.  I lost a dear man who was like a father to me about 6 months ago and although he had been sick for many years, it was hard to see him die.  He fought until the last moment and he didn't seem to be able to go unsure how his family and his friend will be if he died.  He didn't really suffer at the end since he had a machine to help him breath.  His family and friends new it was time to let him go.  It wasn't an easy decision, but there was nothing more to be done.  Up to now, his wife is still struggling to go on without him after 39 years of marriage, but she has tried to keep busy and takes him everywhere in her heart.  He was a very loving and caring man, whom many people cared for, including me.  He opened his house and his heart to me as if I was his own daughter and I cared for him a lot.  But when he was taken to the hospital because he couldn't breath on his own and I saw him, I knew he wouldn't want to live like that and that it was time for him to rest.  He is still missed and I still think about him knowing that one day we will meet and have a great time as in the old days.

Nothing can prepare you for the death of a loved one, but there are other loved ones still with you who need you and care for you, so I think you ought to take it one day at a time and remember all the good times you had with her.  Her body might be gone, but her spirit will always be with you and time will help you overcome her loss.  

My prayers go out to you and all your family and friends.
Avatar universal
I've never loss a parent but now it's time.  My mother is 76 and has been dealing with pancreatic cancer for 2 years now.  25 years ago she had breast cancer and made it through, now we see that's not going to happen with this.  After 1-1/2 years of chemo, she stopped, the doctors told her no more, it wouldn't matter anymore.  It's given us about 6 wonderful months of a mom who isn't tired and sick until now.  The tumor is growing again.  We're dealing with a mom who is losing weight rapidly, not eating and Dad who is with her 24/7 and he is 83 years of age.  Thank god for family and hospice.  I'm thinking about the day I will want to call her to talk to her and she's not there..........  
Avatar universal
all i ever had in my life is my mom, she raised me far away so could have a good life, just i and her..she is now dying in a hospital where i am not allowed because my sister and other blood relatives have put that wedge there claiming i dont care, it's not that i dont care..i'm just scared to see her like that and limit my visits with her to late nights when no ones around, and i read passages from a book she bought me awhile back about mothers and sons.. my mothers wish before she started going through dementia was that i stay in university and finish..but i can't.. i miss her so much..
Avatar universal
Wow, just when you think your the only one, you go on google and there are others. My mom has had COPD for a long time, she's been on oxygen 24 hrs for like 5 years. In October of 2009 she began to decompensate greatly. February of 2010 she was hospitalized again, at this time they started her on a bipap machine (rebreather). Also her pulmonologist told us that she needed a lung transplant (whoa) totolly not expected. So we started that process. Weel many appointments later and momkeeps decopensating. Today makes 22 days in ICU and she has developed pantycytopenia (decrease in all her blood cells) her WBC count is .7 and now we all have to wear masks when we see her, she also a bit delusional at times and always sleeping. As per her doctors we are pretty much done. I'm the oldest at 38 my sister is 25 and my little brother is 22, we all deal with it differently but it seems to be worse for them. Yeah right. My prayers and blessings for all of you and your loved ones. Please pray for my mom her name is Marisela. Thanks
Avatar universal
Tonight I sit here next to my mom in a hospital bed. She has copd. She has been using a oxygen tank for 3 years. She went to a small hospital in town for a simple cold on Tuesday and was airlifted on Wed to a truama center due to low oxygen. By Wed night she had a major stroke. The entire left side of brain has been basicaly killed. She was put on a resporator until today, when we were advised that her chances of not recovering to any type of even a half way normal. Last night she was taken off life support. Now i sit here tonight in New Mexico with my wife and kids sleeping nearby waiting for God to bring her home. I hear and watch her breathing get slower and heartrate go faster. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I love my mom!
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