Missing Mom

[Judy246]

Tonight I am missing my mom. Ever since she passed, there is that void of not having her to just talk too. It has taken me 2 yrs. to heal...somewhat, but to just feel that I'm finally progressing slowly, yet here I am again simply missing mom.

What I'm trying to say is that no matter how much time passes, at times it feels like time stands still and that void in your heart kicks in again and you begin to feel and relive the loss all over again. It never really goes away, you just adjust to what you can't change.

I miss her face, her voice her walk....I miss my mom and I feel like an orphan. It hurts at times to have to repeat when asked about mom that my mom passed away. How could this be that my mom is dead....it's surreal. I need my mom....I need my mom.

I loss my job, because I couldn't function normally and it has been very difficult in this economy, not to say, what a journey it has been. Tonight, I search for her in my dark room and simply can't find her. I need to tell her how difficult life is without her and I search for her tonight, but can't find her.

Mom is dead and I can't do anything about it.....how I would give my very life to bring her back and now I cry in the dark needing and simply missing my mom.  Judy

[xip]

So it's saturday night and i lost my mom April 10, 2009 - just about two months ago and waking up feels like a nightmare and going through my day is even worse.  my husband says i need to get counseling but i can't seem to drive myself over to see someone or pay a stranger to talk about what was most precious to me- my mom.  i don't want life to go on.....without her.... how can it?  i was extremely close to my mom.  she passed away at 59  i had just gotten married about a year  and a half ago and all the changes, including the illness that she experienced and the pain that went along with it plus the adjustments to being married seem to have taken a toll on me.  in addition, my husband is a nice guy but has been unemployed since we were married and that alone is so diffcult on me.  how i wish my mom knew how hard life has been for me i never told her about his unemployment due to her illness cause i didn't want her to worry about me .  and now i'm 31  and so unhappy ....  my mom was so strong and so positive and now i find myself being so negative and depressing.  i wish i could handle all of this better but i can't .  i don't know how life will ever seem good to me again.  i'm suddenly scared of life and all the cruel things that can go along with it.   sometimes i think, i already lost my mom and what pain i feel, what will happen next? to whom?  and how can i just go on with my life watching those i love suffer and suddenly be removed from my life .  i don't know how other people don't ever think about these things cause nobody seems to talk about these the sadness and disappointments that life brings.  it's just so hard to be positive and happy...no matter what i've tried.. or who tries to help me... i don't know what to do?  i try keeping myself active, busy, go to work, work-out, cook, spend time with my family, i'm not lying in bed all day but despite my efforts i can't shake the sadness off me-  i've been this way for about two years- since my mom was diagnosed but now i'm a different kinda sad now that shes gone, but nonetheless i dont remember what it was like to live without these thoughts.  i do believe in god, i consider myself to be a spiritual person, but nothing seems to help me.

[SassyLassie]

I can feel all your pain. I am sooo depressed today. It is the 4 year anniversary of my beloved mothers death. Ohhhh, how I miss her, there are so many times when I want to ask her something or hear her say something of comfort when I am scared with my pains and such, she was wonderful and had a way of making others happy and feel good.

It is normal for you to feel this pain, and two years is not that long, it gets better, but, I do not truly think we ever get over it 100%, it is (the sadness) always in the background waiting to rear its ugly head.

Since her passing, my health issues have gotten worse. I have seen docs etc. but really, they are not much help. With God's help, I will make it, no matter how slow, and you will too, just be patient.

I think this forum is wonderful, we need a place like this to share our feelings and have other share as well.

As I read everyones post, I can feel the hurt and sadness, and I am with you, hugging you. You are NOT alone. I, too, now know this sting, it hurts and if someone has not experienced it, they can relate.

My mother and I were best friends too, so, that makes it hurt more.

Hugs and love to all.
Susie

[etaxitpo]

I understand and I give you a hug also.

I too am lost without my mom.  I just turned 40 years old on Friday and I am still want to hear my mom say Happy Birthday.

No one can understand this unless they have experienced it  -- I was soooooooooo very close to my mom and being an only child she was also my best friend.

My mom made any and everything ok.  I miss that daily.  I want to see my mom's face and hear her sweet voice.

[maybebaby29]

Giving you a huge hug and not letting go. I'm sorry.

[Caroline565]

Judy,

Two years may seem like a very long time, especially when we are sad and are missing a loved one. I lost my Mom five years ago and it has taken me almost all of those five years to deal with the pain and sadness. I was in a position to have to make decisions for her and always wondered if I made the correct ones.

I think it's OK to miss her, in fact I believe it is normal in a close relationship. Whenever we need someone to talk to, "Mom" is always willing to listen and offer uncondtional love and support. As children, we are nurtured and taught by our Mothers and as adults, we become good friends.

Unfortunately, I can offer no real words of wisdom or advice. It may be helpful to bring some of these feelings to the surface, if you have a spouse or friend you can talk to when you're feeling down. My husband was absolutely wonderful in that respect. We would often talk about the funny things my Mom said or did, she was a character. She would say funny things without realizing it and we would relive some of these incidents  and start to laugh all over again. I believe there will come a time when you will be able to let go and focus more upon her memory vs. how much you are missing her right now.

I am concerned that you feel you lost your job due to your mourning. If things don't improve or you feel unable to fuction normally, then perhaps professional counseling may be worth a try. Like I started out saying, two years seem like a long time but there really isn't a timetable for grief. We seem to have to handle it in our own way and at our own pace. Try if you can remembering some of the better times you shared together--focus on her and all your positive moments and her impact upon your life. I hope soon, you will be able to find peace.