I feel ashamed and I have none to talk I am going crazy.

[ezeom]

Hello,

On the 18th of September I had protected vaginal sex and protected oral sex with a CSW in Dubai. I penetrated her only for 2 minutes after that I was really anxious and guilty so I got up and left. It happens that my friend starts bringing up HIV so I started googling symptoms and I was checking my body and lymph nodes everyday. On 20th of October I started having watery diarrhea and the though of HIV came to my head. When I was a kid I was diagnosed with IBS and it is trigger by the slightest anxiety and stress. So I soon as I thought I might have HIV I lost completely appetite got diarrhea, nausea and occasionally vomiting when I get really anxious. Next day I noticed keratosis pilaris rash on my hand and my thights and a coated tongue not thrush because it wouldn't bleed if I brush it hard and it wouldn't hurt but however I was 100% convinced that I had HIV at this point. I started having  Panic attacks, I couldn't breath properly and my heart was skipping beats literally and my throat would get so tight it feels like someone is choking me and my mouth was really dry. I was a complete wreck at this stage and didn't eat anything for 3 or 4 days. I also started getting very itching and sometimes I get hives that stay for 5 or 10 mins and go away. After I controlled my anxiety the hives, keratosis pilaris and itchy skin went away however i still can't get into my head that I am not HIV positive and I still suffer from IBS, when I wake up in the morning I get nauseas and have diarrhea which is still going on until today. I lost 6 kgs from what is going on.

Since I am in Dubai testing is not an open thing and you can get deported if you are found HIV+ but there is a clinic which is confidential but I am really worried what I would do to myself If I am HIV+. I am a complete wreck.

I am leaving to America mid of December, Do you think I should wait and test there so atleast I can get some counseling if I do test positive so I won't hurt myself?

I didn't get any fever, no sore throat and no swollen lymph nodes I can notice and no muscle pain.

Alot of people will say the risk is non existent but I just can't get myself to believe.

[ezeom]

I got my test result and thank god it is negative. Oh my god what a relief I almost fainted. I lost 7kg out of pure worrying.

HIV I & II Antibody + HIV 1 p24 Ag by ECLIA

Negative ( 0.238 )

[BeStrong_]

"....On the 18th of September I had protected vaginal sex and protected oral sex ..."

protected sex is safe. You had no risk

[BeStrong_]

How come are you afraid of hiv ? You had protected sex. This is where you hace to focus on!
:)

[ezeom]

I can't believe I ever put my self at such risk. Never again in my life.

[Midnight_Sun]

You really need to RELAX! You used a condom vaginal and oral sex, and therefore had ABSOLUTELY NO RISK!. Testing isn't even warranted in this case. Further, CSWs in Dubai are VERY unlikely to be HIV+.

[ezeom]

I have managed to calm my self down and I feel so much better. Today I went in for DUO test 4th Gen and I get the result tomorrow afternoon. Pray for me and lets hope for the best.

[oraquick8]

Sounds like anxiety symptoms yo me ! You said it yourself and the fact you recognized your anxiety should calm your circumstances down. Protected sex is safe sex . Move on!

[fullquestion]

U had no risk, you dont need a test, you need a therapy. You wouldnt trust your test anyway, because of your anxiety.

[ezeom]

Hell, yesterday when I finally convinced myself I am not HIV+ as I was sleeping I dreamt that I was googling symptoms and all my symptoms matched 100% so I woke up from the sleep with extreme nausea and diarrhea.  

[ezeom]

I just can't stop thinking about HIV and what my parents would do to me if they find out and what I would do to my self.

I am so mentally weak it is shameful.