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Possible exposure?
Hello all and I would like to thank everyone who contributes to this site as it has been an obvious stress reliever for many people all around the world. And now onto my question...
The girl I was dating for the last month apparently cheated on me twice. I know, she's no good. She also has had over a dozen partners and is allergic to latex. I realize how stupid the act of unprotected sex was with her but I've known her for 2 years at the beginning she assured me she had been tested for STD's including HIV (within the last 6 months as far as I can remember her telling me) and that she was clean. The first act of cheating wasn't with a condom and was with her ex-boyfriend so I would assume (fingers crossed) that he was clean considering she got tested after "leaving" him. The second act was about a week ago and she says they used a condom. The guy in question she met only the day before so I am mostly worried about that incident.
From reading these threads and from the experts answers I would assume to be told not to worry about it since it was with protection but these few things bother me and have me feeling guilty about moving on to another person without the fear of passing on HIV or the like before the 3-6 month window period is over...
--- The amount to which she lied to me about not being with anyone else and then sleeping with me twice after cheating the last time. So can I reasonably trust her HIV status?
--- Her number of partners and the idea that she probably had a lot of unprotected sex before me because of her latex allergy. That much exposure has to be disconcerting right?
--- Whether or not she really tested negative or used a condom with this last guy and wasn't lying some more just to have sex with me too. Could he have HIV and given it to her then to me realistically? And with her having sex with me the next nights her viral load had to be through the roof (if she is positive) so it's worse odds right?
I realize this feels more like a relationship question but knowing the odds of whether or not I could have contracted HIV or not and whether I can assume to trust someone about their STD status (considering how much they lied about everything else) would be beneficial to my nerves right now. I got the whole round of STD tests last week and they said I came back negative but after reading online I realize that is WAY too early to know for sure since it happened just over a week ago. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks everyone.
The girl I was dating for the last month apparently cheated on me twice. I know, she's no good. She also has had over a dozen partners and is allergic to latex. I realize how stupid the act of unprotected sex was with her but I've known her for 2 years at the beginning she assured me she had been tested for STD's including HIV (within the last 6 months as far as I can remember her telling me) and that she was clean. The first act of cheating wasn't with a condom and was with her ex-boyfriend so I would assume (fingers crossed) that he was clean considering she got tested after "leaving" him. The second act was about a week ago and she says they used a condom. The guy in question she met only the day before so I am mostly worried about that incident.
From reading these threads and from the experts answers I would assume to be told not to worry about it since it was with protection but these few things bother me and have me feeling guilty about moving on to another person without the fear of passing on HIV or the like before the 3-6 month window period is over...
--- The amount to which she lied to me about not being with anyone else and then sleeping with me twice after cheating the last time. So can I reasonably trust her HIV status?
--- Her number of partners and the idea that she probably had a lot of unprotected sex before me because of her latex allergy. That much exposure has to be disconcerting right?
--- Whether or not she really tested negative or used a condom with this last guy and wasn't lying some more just to have sex with me too. Could he have HIV and given it to her then to me realistically? And with her having sex with me the next nights her viral load had to be through the roof (if she is positive) so it's worse odds right?
I realize this feels more like a relationship question but knowing the odds of whether or not I could have contracted HIV or not and whether I can assume to trust someone about their STD status (considering how much they lied about everything else) would be beneficial to my nerves right now. I got the whole round of STD tests last week and they said I came back negative but after reading online I realize that is WAY too early to know for sure since it happened just over a week ago. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks everyone.
I really appreciate all 3 of your inputs on this matter. I realize that nothing is anything until I get the test results in another month but just easing the idea is so worth it through this site. I would have hoped to trust her and her word when health is involved even though she lied about so much else. I do feel much better with the odds listed above. It was 2 acts but just the same, at least not ridiculously different. Thanks again and I've learned my lesson... hopefully not too late!
You had unprotected vaginal sex and the only way to know your status is by testing. Never take anyone’s word for his or her status. If you didn't go with them to be tested then you cannot rely on their word. It's your health that you are protecting. Next time you run into someone with a latex allergy either use a poly condom or don't have unprotected sex at all.
Your risk perception here is totally unrealistic. Your risk is very low.
I understand you not trusting you partner about her status (or anything else at this point). However, the Drs. here maintain that people are usually truthful about their HIV status except when things are getting hot and heavy and sex is imminent. So, I wouldn't necessarily conclude she lied just because she strayed.
Further, nothing you've provided suggests she's at particularly high risk including the number of partners. And if your only risk was a single act of unprotected sex, you risk would be no higher than 1:2000 IF she was infected.
Since you are worried, I would advise getting tested 6 weeks after your unprotected sex incident, when the vast majority of infections are detected. If you read through the Drs. answers to situations such as yours in the Expert forum, you'll find that they consider this conclusive for risk such as yours. And if you are still concerned despite this assurance, have a final test at three months. In the meantime, don't worry as infection is very rare in your circumstances. And above all, resist the temptation to search for HIV information on the internet- it will only make you more anxious.
I understand you not trusting you partner about her status (or anything else at this point). However, the Drs. here maintain that people are usually truthful about their HIV status except when things are getting hot and heavy and sex is imminent. So, I wouldn't necessarily conclude she lied just because she strayed.
Further, nothing you've provided suggests she's at particularly high risk including the number of partners. And if your only risk was a single act of unprotected sex, you risk would be no higher than 1:2000 IF she was infected.
Since you are worried, I would advise getting tested 6 weeks after your unprotected sex incident, when the vast majority of infections are detected. If you read through the Drs. answers to situations such as yours in the Expert forum, you'll find that they consider this conclusive for risk such as yours. And if you are still concerned despite this assurance, have a final test at three months. In the meantime, don't worry as infection is very rare in your circumstances. And above all, resist the temptation to search for HIV information on the internet- it will only make you more anxious.
Your story is a bit complicated. If you had unprotected sex with your female partner a week ago, you have exposed yourself to some risk, assuming that she has had unprotected sex with other men. The risk of HIV infection from vaginal sex to the male partner is not high, but it is certainly very possible.
-Get tested after 6 weeks for HIV. Most people develop HIV antibodies within 2 weeks, so this is a mostly accurate result if negative.
-Get tested for STIs (syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia).
-HIV-negative result after 12 weeks is conclusive.
For now, use condoms with anyone you have sex with, including your female partner. Mutual monogamy requires honesty and commitment from both partners. Correct condom usage is 100% effective against HIV, and is mostly effective against STI infections; however, while oral sex is very, very (basically zero) low risk for HIV, you can easily transmit bacterial sexually transmitted infections.
Teak may be able to give you additional advice.
Most importantly, don't lose sleep over this! You will get through this.
-Get tested after 6 weeks for HIV. Most people develop HIV antibodies within 2 weeks, so this is a mostly accurate result if negative.
-Get tested for STIs (syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia).
-HIV-negative result after 12 weeks is conclusive.
For now, use condoms with anyone you have sex with, including your female partner. Mutual monogamy requires honesty and commitment from both partners. Correct condom usage is 100% effective against HIV, and is mostly effective against STI infections; however, while oral sex is very, very (basically zero) low risk for HIV, you can easily transmit bacterial sexually transmitted infections.
Teak may be able to give you additional advice.
Most importantly, don't lose sleep over this! You will get through this.
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