Also, being young and female, there may be some concern about body image. My md did a great job of burying my pacer pretty well. I have seen some that look like a piece of luggage under the skin. Mine is not very noticable, basically just the scar. If the scar is touched, it feels like there is a lighter under it, but left alone, it is barely a bump. It was a bit uncomfortable at first because he buried it deep, but it was for the long term look. He was planning on my using a pacermaker for 30-40 years. They make a pocket for it, after that, when it gets replaced ( about 1/ decade) they just trade it out of the same pocket. I was so desperate for the help, I wasn't nervous about getting the pacer in the least. An ICD is the same surgical process. In and out in a day. Let me know how it goes.
I assume your name is alluding to waning courage. I'm so sorry.
One thing that can not hurt and likely will help is aspirin 81mg and CoQ10. You can ask your md. I hope you are seeing him soon. Did this come from a viral background? I think a 35% ef is an indicator for an ICD. Getting one is sort of an insurance. It might never be needed but if you need it once and don't have it, it would be too late. I got a just in case/ back up pacer and it saves my life mostly every day. I told my ep md that I recommend them to everyone now. Honestly, it is with somewhat tongue in cheek, because MOST people don't need them. However, I work on a cardiac floor as a nurse and I can seriouly reassure people on thier way t o go get one. It DOES help and it IS a good idea. I hope that is some reassurance to you.