post bypass anxiety and personality changes

[frightened wife]

My husband had quintuple bypass surgery 8 months ago. He had a mild heart attack 13 years previously which did not require any surgical intervention. I have noticed after his surgery that his anxiety level is extremely high. He lashes out for the smallest things and everything seems to get to him, especially anything that involves me. He drinks more wine to relax and I think it is having an adverse effect. When I mention that he might try some relaxation techniques to quell his anxiety he "goes off". He says "the doctor says I shouldn't be stressed and you are adding to it". I am so worried that if he continues on this pace he will wind up back in the hospital. Now when he stresses about something or drinks I want to avoid him because I don't want to hear him yell or tell me the latest thing I have done to give him anxiety,stress, etc. I spoke to the nurse months ago during his cardiac rehab and she said not to fight with him but don't let him abuse me either. I just don't know what to do anymore. He was not like this prior to the surgery and I just wondered if this is common and if it subsides. I am really trying not to feel sorry for myself but his heart surgery really happened to all of us and has affected everyone. I feel that I am walking on eggshells. Part of me wants to run and hide....getting close to my breaking point. Do you have any advice?
Thank you!

[Smiley2000]

Your GP is an idiot for saying you don't need to worry about it!  

As someone who has gone through OHS twice and having gone through some other major health issues, I can advice you to seek Counselling - even if the Counsellor says you don't have depression, you can get relaxation techniques to help you deal with anxiety.

Please keep us updated :)

[einaej]

I appreciate your advice regarding pump head which I have read, and find it a relief to have an explanation as to my post operation for triple heart bypass exactly one year ago.

I was having uncontroable frightening feelings that came frequently.My GP said it wasn't depression and that I should not worry about it, I did try to question if it was to do with my operation as I guessed it may be.

It has eased my mind upon reading up on google.

I wrote a reply before I signed up to this forum so apologies if you recieve this reply twice.

[Smiley2000]

I agree whole-heartedly with you (pun intended).  I had OHS and personality changes - did not get aggressive or abusive, but very sad for no apparent reason and changed from being this happy-go-lucky-smiley person into someone that questioned anything and everything about life and challenged everyone and find purpose for just being alive!

Turned out I had major depression and did not know anything about pump head syndrome, until I went to seek the help of a marriage counsellor and was diagnosed and treated with anti-depros.

Now I am Smiley again :)

[achillea]

As ed34 said, a little counseling after the surgery can go a long way towards help with the emotional problems that often develop between couples when a life-threatening illness occurs.

In addition, when bypass surgery has been done, it is pretty common for the patient to experience what appears to be problems with thinking.  It is called "pump head," and you can google it.  Your husband may be suffering from this, as well as from the fear Ed describes.

However, that does not mean that your job is to put up with abuse.  If I were in your difficult position, I would in fact speak privately to my husband's doctor about this.  Chances are the doc has seen it before and would have some ideas about how to cope.

I would ALSO go alone to see a marriage and family counselor for advice about the situation.  Our own counsleor teaches wonderful techniques for dealing with stressful relationships.  This can help enormously, even if the spouse will not go to therapy.

[ed34]

The biggest problem is coming to terms with it (the patient I mean). It is hard, especially for a man, suddenly realizing you are not a super strong masculine type, but are fragile. It's a sudden realization of how we must look after this flesh machine we live inside. After my bypass I was sent to cardiac rehab, and the first 2-3 sessions, my partner had to come with me and we were asked to put our cards on the table each time, to explain how we feel in front of each other. The results were very good and opened our eyes.

[nancy8817]

My husband had  a bypass in 09.He's emotionally like a "monster." Nasty, abusive, irritable, angry, goes "off" at any/everything.  Before the surgery, he would go "off" maybe once/6months, now it's nearly daily. They save their lives and we live w/ the consequences. If I had known, I would have left right away, honestly speaking. I've endured nothing but abuse from this monster.