Just how i feel

[Ifonlyyouknew]

I learn not to plan ahead
What’s the point
You’re fine
Don’t worry
How can I not
You don’t understand
In my head I’m relieved
But at the same time there has to be a cure for what I’m feeling
Pent up frustration
Anger
Fear
I’m too young
Too old
To feel this way
So I learn to live half alive
Watching myself as time goes by
Wasting my youth
Wasting away
They don’t understand
They don’t get it
Until you feel how I feel
We feel
It’s hopeless

[merileegal]

I found an intersting research based article on fish oil. I sent this to my gp and I still think she thinks I'm crazy. Here is the site;
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2005-06-14-fish-oil_x.htm

When I use flax seeds, they get pulverized in my blentec blender so they can be assimilated. (a trick I learned from Dr. OZ). But, if you have problems with the oil, that probably won't work either. I heard pumpkin seeds also have Omega 3's.

It does feel soooooo good to find others that can relate, especially when all of the science points the other way on this. I'm going to "post a question" about fish oil and get people's ideas on it. If anything, it might make people aware who are taking it thinking it helps their arrythmias to take a second look.

[Mozartcowgirl]

OM GOODNESS~~~~  !!!!!!!!!!! I am NOT alone!!!!!!!! whooohooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you have no idea.. ok maybe you do.. how much frustration i have gone through with doctors and specialists who tell me the omegas and medium chain fatty acids etc etc  affect me.. and while i have  researched and found that this does happen to many.. its SOOO nice to hear it from YOU.  ahhhh  Im not crazy. lol i did the same thing.. stopped it.. changed the formulation... got the "best brand.. even did the fresh caught alaskan salmon...  yep.same nightmare.  It had gotten so bad after 2 weeks of salmon that I thought i was going to have a nervous breakdown. THe only prob i have with the flax seeds is that the digestive system does not digest the seeds.. so you have to buy the flax oil. I tried that too.. no workie for me. Neither does extra virgin cocnut oil.. a medium chain tryglyceride.. i am like..whoa.. i guess my body just doesnt like oils at all.  I think i am ok with olive oil.. but i do not use it on a theraputic level.. lol. i am so glad you posted..lol

[merileegal]

I'm so glad to read that I'm not the only one with fish oil problems. I was taking krill oil and finally
through the process of eliminiation suspected it. I told my gp and she didn't see how that would hurt because it is so good for people. So after awhile I tried it again and my heart went crazy again after 3 days. It would be interesting to poll people and see how fish oil effects them.

I can tolerate flax seeds. I put them in a smootie every day. I've also found magnesium to help calm the heart.I had an ablation for SVT a month ago, but I still have PACs and I can keep them pretty calm if I stay away from those things that I know were bad for my arrythmias.

[Mozartcowgirl]

Hey... i am so glad that the fish pills are working for you.. it had the opposite effect on me...!!!! first i tried Grade A omega... and about 4 days into it.. my heart was EVERYWHERE! it took about a week for my heart to calm down. Then I tried Flax seed oil.. same thing!!! just took a bit longer.  SO then..I said.. ok.. lemme just EAT salmon,, and while i TOTALLY love salmon, after about 3 weeks... same thing.  I asked my cardiologist,, she told me that while it has shown to be VERY helpfulfor MANY, for some.. it has the opposite efffect, and they have no idea why. I hope they figure it out soon...lol

[Jannie411]

Loved your prose.....you put into words what each of us has felt at one time or another.  I felt the same way until I had my ablation nearly three months ago.  People who don't have these heart issues (including doctors) have no idea of the impact it has, not only physically but emotionally.

[Skippi]

Hello hello, just happen to drop in after a long time being absent - happy to report: I'm still doing FINE! I know, I "only" have PVC's, nothing to worry about according to the doc's (yeah right, you all know how it feels to live with that, and I had it pretty badly, let me tell you!). But I have found my golden pill!!! I still take fish oil (enteric coated reflux free fish oil) tablets, 2x day, and my heart is beating relatively steady. The odd skip, but hey, at least no "attacks", where it skips continuously, to the point where you totally freak... Of course there is also the FACTS (watch the Food you eat, no Alcohol, no Coffein, try not to get too Tired, and/or Stressed). Can't be avoided all the time, but it has turned my life around. So to all of you who still suffer so much, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I hope you find something that works for you too. This forum is the best thing that ever happened to me ;) kindred spirits!!!

[LucilleKP]

You're young ---so, why not just take care of yourself? Believe me, lattes, drinks, and partying lead nowhere anyway. Settle down, study, enjoy life without all the added substances. Who needs them? I am 48 and am 100% reliant on my pacemaker plus autonomic failure. I happen to have a well-paying and meaningful career, a gorgeous boyfriend, and great friends. I am also in great shape and exercise almost every day. Dont let this thing beat you. You have a future. Rest, then get up, dust yourself off, and walk forward with dignity and purpose. You gotta be fierce in this life. Cowgirl, hang in there ---every day brings change. I go in circles too ---hard to know where to stop and where to end. I hope your next days allow you to feel better. This is hard stuff.

[merileegal]

I've been researching, researching, researching, like i'm sure you all do. What I've found is that this is such a new field relatively speaking. There  are researchers out there trying to find solutions to the problems with the electrical problems so many millions of people have. Ten years ago I asked about having an ablation for SVT AVNRT and was told I wasn't a good candidate, thank goodness. Ten years ago if I'd had it done there was a 20% chance I'd ended up with a pacemaker. Ten years later I was told I was a perfect candidate so I had the ablation and the chance of having a pacemaker was less than 1%. That's how far they've come in 10 years.

Like so many of you, our concernes have fallen on deaf ears, or misinformed ears and I think doctors just are plain annoyed with us because they don't know what to do because the answers aren't there yet but they will be.  For now, the key is to find the BEST ep and trust what they say.

To ifonlyyouknew: What a beautiful expression of how you feel in the form of free prose. I hope many others will find it, and give them some sense of comfort knowing they aren't alone. Thank you.

Thank you to all others for your insight. I have pacs,but rarely do I have them as intensely as you describe. I wish I had answers for you to help them go away.

[Ifonlyyouknew]

Yep, I knew i wasn't the only one feeling this way. This forum and the people on it are all here to help. And i really do feel the love. Thanks for sharing your stories everyone!
Living with this heart is a struggle that i'm probably going to endure for the rest of my life. I just have to learn to live with it and what works for me. But it's something i have to work at daily.

[shanelenin]

thank you so much for what you wrote. i thank everybody for writing. i just discovered this forum and i now that i did i feel better than i have in months.

[cmh05]

I know how you feel!!! Since I was diagnosed with PSVT in December, I've had to quit smoking, quit partying, cut back on my latte's, I can't even drink energy drinks without my heart racing a mile a minute when its time to wind down. I have to make sure I get at least eight hours of sleep otherwise, I have one of my attacks. It *****.

I'm a healthy 24 year old female, I should be focusing on living life to the fullest, not about keeping track of how many drinks I've had, how many caffeinated drinks I've had, if anyone around me has been smoking (just the smell of cigarette smoke can trigger me), going to bed at a certain time every night...then even when I do everything right...my period comes along and triggers yet another set of attack, especially since I get pretty anemic. I don't have the money to do anything about my super heavy periods...they are what they are...

I hate feeling this way when I have an attack, out of control, feeling like any moment my heart could go into some super-dangerous rhythm like VT (This has happened before for a few seconds, I nearly passed out) or A-fib or even V-fib. The doctors keep assuring me "Crystal you're healthy, these rhythms happen to everyone one in a while. Your heart is healthy and can withstand it." Yeah, maybe, but I still feel like I'm going to die when I have them. Like this impending doom that if I can't make my rhythm stop I'll end up in the ER with the same quacks telling me the same thing over and over again. They run their ECGs and Stress tests...all in which come back normal.

I might have an idea of what causes my attacks, but I'll be damned lf I seal myself up in my house and live like a hermit like my dad for the rest of my life.

I just fear that by the time I'm 43...less than twenty years away, I'll suffer from a heart attack like my father, or from Congestive Heart Failure like my grandmother, who also had diabetes and was severely obese. I'm trying to take steps in the right directions, by eating healthier, exercising more, drinking more water and stop smoking.

This is just getting to the point where I can barely enjoy a drink or two with good friends over dinner anymore without being up all night with these attacks. It's like I'm fighting a losing battle, the more I cut out, the more triggers I end up bringing in.

Beta-blockers didn't hardly do anything for me, since I'm convinced I have an extra electrical pathway, not an innappropriate sinus rhythm. I'm looking into an ablation, I just don't really have money right now for the procedure.

[Mozartcowgirl]

Dang.. today is a bad day for me. Venting here.  I was soo upbeat the other day.. now I feel so out of sorts with my thyroid, and my heart.. i keep thinking.. if mythyroid was better.... my heart would settle down... and if my heart would settle down... i wouldnt feel so anxious. and so on and so on and here i go again. ack.

[Cgd1]

Agreed. That actually made me cry it hit home so much. >hugs< to you and all who are suffering from whatever their problem may be...

[LucilleKP]

The best help that I have found is complementary medicine. I go to acupuncture frequently. I do mindfulness meditation and that makes all the difference. But, yeah...not easy. Hang in there.

[Mozartcowgirl]

If it wasnt the arrythmias, it would be something else, lol.. seriously!!   I know people who freak out over moles..... and i mean.. resorting to cutting them off themselves!!!! (omg the infections and other things that could ensue) I have met people who think that they have brain tumors, got to the ER every night, when i worked in clinic, we would get arrythmia worriers, cancer worriers, kidney worriers, omgosh you name it. believe me, there is no use in wonderin if you would still be the same person, it would probably be something else.  we all have our skeletons.  

[Ifonlyyouknew]

It's kind of crazy how you took the words right out of my mouth. Some days i choose not to let my heart bother me and other days it seems like my heart is doing everything and anything for my attention. And without MED HELP I don't know where i would be today. Probably curled up in a dark corner reminding myself to breath. But I sit back and wonder would i be the person i am today without my arrhythmia's. Because honestly i don't think i would be. In an odd way I'm thankful for it.
It really really truly helps to know people understand and know what i feel and have to live with.

[Mozartcowgirl]

You CAN live your life.  EVERYONE here, I am willing to bet, has had, or continues to have, some form of fear, anxiety, terror, etc etc about their heart and what is going with it. I have to be honest here.. THE ONLY thing that keeps me sane is MEDHELP MEMBERS who come here and talk about what they feel, many give hope, many vent, many, well.. WE are all here, we HEAR you!!! I have been having arrythmias  i bet since i was born.  I just never felt them.. mine started when i was given a shot to stop my labor at age 19. .Thats when I became AWARE of them, because thats what the medication did, it made me AWARE of my heart.  I was a marathon runner... ran 8-12 miles a DAY before.  Never once gave a second thought to my heart before that injection. This incident jump started my awareness of the PACS and PVC's.  AFter that.. it was a nightmare,  I totally regret so much . If I had had Medhelp and its members back then, well.. things would have been different.  I can remember a time when i would go to the ER EVERY day when i was 20-22.  i STILL freak out. One of the BIGGEST things you have to realize is that there are times when you have no control of what your heart does, just as you have no control what your kidney does, or your liver.  Your nervous system really can do a number on you and make things worse. I was born 3 months premature in 1970, and i am sure that i didnt crawl away unscathed.  Since 1989, i have given birth to 7 children, been though life altering changes, have had ups and downs, highs and lows, and I am here. We are all here. We have good days.. we have bad days. we have good months, we have really really really really bad months. Its hard for those who are not aware of whats going on in their body to understand.  You have to take a step back, and realize that its not just your heart, its stuck in the far reaches of your head as well, heck, i panic and I DONT EVEN know it!!!!  I set myself up for failure all the time.  I go into things with a negative attitude. i am soo far from accepting whats going with my heart, and that.. is what makes it harder, on myself. Its a process, and for some, they accept it, and move on, for others, they accept it and do what they can, and for some, it takes longer, ..  like me, and I am sure.. others here as well. Everyone here is here for you.. we KNOW what you are going through.

[Ifonlyyouknew]

I knew i wasnt the only person feeling this way. And just the words i understand meant a lot to me. Constantly i'm told you will be fine. it may go away, your young.
Those words are not enough for me. I'm not even sure what it feels like to feel a heart beat without a skipped beat or some odd feeling. And when I dont feel anything that is probably when i freak out the most.
i cant live life to the fullest because of this..

[Mozartcowgirl]

My thoughts exactly. I am so tired and exausted of feeling like i am walking on egg shells.. waiting for the next PAC.  I dont want to move in the morning when i wake up.. when i start moving, they start. they finally sorta go away after about 6 hours of terror.. nobody that doesnt go through this does not understand.  AM I breathing right ? AM i getting enough sleep? AM eating the right foods? The RIGHT minerals? Do I have a deficiency in something thats causing this? what can ido to make this better?  what the heck is up with them coming and going.. Oh cool... i have a pool, its hot as dog butt outside, yet.. i am terrified to go and swim alone. my cardio says.. the results of your 24 hour holter show over 1100 PAC's, no big deal with PVC's as well.. no big deal.  WHen your heart rate is in teh 120's to 140's.. ITS BEAUTIFUL!!! but when you get to 80-100, thats where you are getting your arrythmias. Great blood pressure though!! I look at my children and am scared.  I try everything i can not to freak out and worry, I try to tell myself everything is alright. But dang. its not as easy as people think.  The panic attacks that ensue AFTER the arrythmias start only make the arrythmias worse!! For gosh sake, they were gone for almost 4 months!! now here they are back with a vengeance!!! I feel the same you guys.. believe me.

[wmac]

I know how your feeling. I feel the same way most of the time.
I have given up so much becaue of my nsvt.
I understand.