Feeling I will never feel well again

[pcds]

I must say a previous post about never recovering from the hep C treatment was very depressing.  I already feel the person before tx is slowly disappearing. Very sad today after reading post.

[spectda]

Uh oh!

[Magnum]

After 4 failed treatments, I lost the looks I had before, but hair and attitude came back. Maybe some of the looks are lost due to aging? During treatments I never felt depressed, but did feel like killing some people. Now I only feel like killing the barking dog next door in the early morning hours. During treatment, it was more serious with the dog. I felt like getting a ladder, climbing over the wall with an axe. I think I got the idea from The Shining, but I never carried through with it although the idea is not completely gone from my mind. We’ll see what happens with the next treatment and the dog.

Magnum

[orphanedhawk]

You will feel good again.

I went through tx, relapsed, went to Taiwan and had a crazy transplant experience and now,  I feel better than I have in years.

The trick is putting one foot in front of the other.
Know that you are going forward.
When you're in the dumps, remember, it won't last. It never does.
Surround yourself with anything that makes you feel good, beautiful pictures, flowers, comics, whatever.

And if all else fails, try wishing really hard for all people in the world to feel loving kindness. Somehow, putting our heartfelt thoughts towards others does something wonderful.
It works for me.

Good luck, you will make it!
OH

[nygirl7]

Honestly it was exactly what the thread needed and was completely relevant - people need to know treatment isn't the end, it's the BEGINNING (well or at least the middle - who's 20 anymore anyway ;)

[Vic1967]

Thanks, guys :)
I don't want to hijack the thread. I'll post an update later, cookies are burning! (literally :0)

[nygirl7]

OH Vic it's so great to hear how well you are doing!  See there IS life after treatment - you are the living proof, how totally awesome that really is.

You just made a lot of peoples day in here - you really did :)

[IAmTheWalrus]

I did 84 weeks of TX and relapsed. I felt very lousy diring TX, but I feel pretty good now (18 months later). I would do it again if I had to, but fortunately there are better drugs coming very soon that should make such long treatments a thing of the past.

Like Vic says, it is a slow recovery, but I have felt a little better each day since finishing TX.

[Bill1954]

Hi Vic! Good to see you in the mix here!

[Vic1967]

Your welcome :)
That's way I still check here every now and then. I remember how it helped.
V

[pcds]

I  love you, just what I needed to hear.  Thank you so much
Judy

[Vic1967]

You know I can't predict for sure the future, but for me I am about 4 months post tx and I feel really good.  I too, really felt crappy all through tx.  I did not take anything besides the Inf and Riba, no anti Depressants or anything else.  I really was miserable and got so used to it that I thought it would always be that way.  I remember reading about all the people that relapsed or will still suffering and it made me more depressed. I know what it's like to only have the energy to sit at the computer reading all the time.  Now I am barely home or idle enough to do that anymore.  I still check this website, but rarely post anymore.
I just wanted to say, most people recover and move on.  I felt better already after the first week without the drugs and I slowly, steadily got better and my energy increased. I am working out 5-6 days a week, don't really nap. I wake up refreshed and my hair is growing and getting thicker.  It has been for awhile.
You will be back to your old self. One day this treatment will be a memory and not your lifestyle. Hang in there and one day you will find yourself on the other side, remembering and hopefully encouraging others.
Vicky

[nygirl7]

Don't take everything you read to heart on an Internet forum.  "

She is exactly right - you have to remember that this is just the internet - it's not 'real life' or anything remotely close to it.  Many of the people who are on here are here because they are having a hard time either physically OR mentally. The people who are not, who are doing well...they just don't think to come on to a hep forum to post.  They are out living life not thinking about it.

Some of the people who are still here after treatment are here for their friends but many of them are also here just to help out the new folks.  I'd say 99% oif the members who already treated and have moved on with their lives don't post any longer - so you see life goes on.

Keep positive - keeping a good attitude and focusing on other things aside from every little ache and pain will keep your life flowing and when you are happy everything seems to be a bit better doesn't it?

There is a cure for this disease and treamtent stinks but it has an end date attached - it's not forever and that's a good thing!  :)

[Diane12855]

I just wanted to say that I think everyone who posted on this thread is great!!!!

Speaking for all the people on tx right now... your words help us keep our eyes on the light at the end of this long tunnel.

Thank You Sooooo Much!

Diane

[HectorSF]

As everyone says, hang in there. Remember this is only temporary. Although it may not feel that way to you now. Remember you have gone through "bad" times before in your life when you thought you couldn't make it and you made it through. You will return to happier days. As we all have. Hopefully you will return to a life free of HCV too. Now that is a goal worth suffering temporary for. Having a life free of HCV and its harmful impact on your liver.

If you are feeling hopeless, sad and numb you may be clinically depressed. Many of us took anti-depressants when going through treatment. There is no shame or weakness involved. Depression is not an uncommon complication of treatment. If you feel you need it, ask your doctor for an anti-depressant. They take weeks to work so there is no reason to delay should you need it.
  
Take it one day at a time. One hour, one minute. Whatever works for you. This has worked for me in times of great pain or suffering. Just focus on little time spans and the goal of ridding yourself of this virus.

Keep sharing on the forum. People will help you in anyway they can.
You are stronger than you know.
Best-
Hectorsf

[portann]

Hiya PCDS,

Here's a poem that someone else wrote, with a few adaptations I made:

You’re going through a lot right now;
Your treatments can be trying;
Remember while you do them
It’s your problem you’re defying.

Hold on to your positive attitude,
And when things get hard to bear,
Know that we are here for you;
Remember that we care.

And when you’re well and flourishing,
Look back and realize,
You learned what you were made of;
That’s a reward that satisfies!

We believe in you; you can do it!

_____________________

Susan

[mk_]

I feel the same way, the person before tx is slowly disappearing (during tx) , but the person has a good chance to reemerge  as healthier person without this freaky virus, in the end.

There is certain risk involve in the treatment, but we have made the decision about the treatment to the best of our ability and do what we have to do today,..so  try to find ways to shake off the blues as they come and take good care of yourself, I am trying it too.

[spectda]

one of my friends who treated told me he thought he remembered having a fairly useful brain in there while treating. He said it very quickly emerged again after treatment. I've had several friends treat that report no after effects, although of course some people do. Some days are miserable on tx, I'll bet you'll rebound well!
Take Care - Dave

[epiphiny]

I felt like I had definately lost my cheery and bubbly personality while on treatment. In place of my old self a nasty, depressed monster emerged and I was convinced I would remain that way permanently! Getting myself on anti-depressants went along way to help those feelings at the time and here I am 18 months post tx with an SVR to tell you that I feel better than I ever have since being diagnosed over 20 years ago and I feel I get better daily!!! You will get through this one day at a time and it is remakable when one looks back to realise that the time actually went quickly! Although I sometimes feel like there is a year missing from my memory!! Amazing how the human mind allows us to forget the bad stuff, eh?

[pcds]

Thank you, I won't worry about what I don't know.  I can only deal with what I do know each day.  You are a terrific group and it means a lot to me.  I've never been part of a support group, I've run them as I am a clinical social worker.  Some of your here are born counselors.  And good people all.

[copyman]

i hit the post button by mistake. I wanted to say hang in there and take each day one at a time. Just keep thinking about how this treatment is giving your liver a much needed break and how it is killing the virus that wants to damage your liver and other organs.

Best of luck

[justme53]

I remember feeling much the same way as you at times during tx, but there are ways I found to help me out of my funk. Exercise is one, as tolerated depending on your hemoglobin especially. I am a loner by nature, so I had to push myself to socialize at times, but hanging out with positive people helped get me over the hump many a time. Logging on here helps us realize that we are not alone with our feelings and fears.

Hang in there and know that you are not alone.......Pam

[copyman]

This is tough treatment with harsh drugs. Many people do have some long lasting or permanent side effects. You have to way the good vs the bad. HCV left untreated can cause far worse problems then any permanent side effects that "possibly" could happen from treatment drugs. The longer you are on the drugs the more chance of permanent damage. This is why I hope the new drugs get approved soon so people may have a chance of treating with a shorter course of treatment. 24 weeks instead of 48 weeks exposure to these drugs will result in far less permanent side effects.

Like the others said many people have no serious side effects. These people have no need to be on the internet forums so we never hear from them. I for one didn't have any side effects but I was in a telaprevir study and only did around 30 weeks.

[Teufelhunden]

I'm one who hasn't responded well with the post side effects but every day I defy gravity is a good day to me.  Be positive and think good thoughts. The mind is a powerful tool. Teuf

[Trinity4]

Don't take everything you read to heart on an Internet forum.  Treatment does not leave everyone is dire straights.  I feel better now than I did before 72 weeks of treatment and I didn't SVR.  

Some people will have problems no matter what type of treatment they undergo.  No two people are the same and the drugs effect everyone differently which is why some people have an easy treatment and others don't.  Many people resume happy, normal lives post treatment so don't let what you read get you down.  Concentrate on getting through treatment now and if you have to deal with problems afterwards so be it.  Don't put the cart before the horse.

Trinity