Aa
Joke of the day
Since the last joke thread is buried I thought I would start another to help brighten things up a little. We all could use it.
Two Trees and a Woodpecker
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell i f that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my ****** into.'
Two Trees and a Woodpecker
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell i f that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my ****** into.'
i havent been on this thread for a few days glad i stopped by all good ones
They put a smile on my face thanks!!1
peace
rita
They put a smile on my face thanks!!1
peace
rita
you like harley jokes!!
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles
have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson
motorcycle? '
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'
God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise
and pollution and can't run without a road?'
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'
God said, 'Ah, yes.'
'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles
have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson
motorcycle? '
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'
God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise
and pollution and can't run without a road?'
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'
God said, 'Ah, yes.'
'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.
A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach
when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in
a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have been
such a good man and have been so faithful to me in all
ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii
so I can ride over to paradise anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic.
There are enormous challenges for that kind of
undertaking: the supports required to reach
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it
would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.
I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire
for worldly things. I suggest you take a little more time
and wish for something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he
said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand
our wives and girlfriends. I want to know how she feels,
what she's thinking when she gives me the silent
treatment, why she cries for no reason, what she
means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I
can make a woman really happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that
bridge?"
when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in
a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have been
such a good man and have been so faithful to me in all
ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii
so I can ride over to paradise anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic.
There are enormous challenges for that kind of
undertaking: the supports required to reach
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it
would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.
I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire
for worldly things. I suggest you take a little more time
and wish for something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he
said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand
our wives and girlfriends. I want to know how she feels,
what she's thinking when she gives me the silent
treatment, why she cries for no reason, what she
means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I
can make a woman really happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that
bridge?"
You have to love this woman........................
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her
excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best
dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress and I'm wearing it,' she replied.
Jennifer told her mother, who graciously said, 'Never min d sweetheart. I'll
get another dress. After all, it's your special day.' A few days later,
they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped
for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return the other
dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.
Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to
the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.'
NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY
THIS STORY? SEND IT TO EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW!!!
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her
excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best
dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress and I'm wearing it,' she replied.
Jennifer told her mother, who graciously said, 'Never min d sweetheart. I'll
get another dress. After all, it's your special day.' A few days later,
they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped
for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return the other
dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.
Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to
the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.'
NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY
THIS STORY? SEND IT TO EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW!!!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Hepatitis Social Community
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.
PrEP is used by people with high risk to prevent HIV infection.
