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Joke of the day
Since the last joke thread is buried I thought I would start another to help brighten things up a little. We all could use it.
Two Trees and a Woodpecker
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell i f that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my ****** into.'
Two Trees and a Woodpecker
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell i f that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my ****** into.'
DEAD LOCK
Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,
so make arrangement.
Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and
I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going
abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tuitions: I have work for a week, so you need
not come for class.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a
week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets
spend the week together.
Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) make call to his secretary: This week I am
spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend
that meeting.
Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss
has some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend
this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tuitions: This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my
teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I
can't give you company.
Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this
week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .
HOW IS IT ????
this is called dead lock :)
Dear Dragonslayer
I can bet I have aslo made tons n tons of enemies with that joke and worst of all, these enemies are all females.......... :( I think i have dug my own grave by doing this .....
Anyone know how to delete that joke post ..... LOL
I can bet I have aslo made tons n tons of enemies with that joke and worst of all, these enemies are all females.......... :( I think i have dug my own grave by doing this .....
Anyone know how to delete that joke post ..... LOL
I bet you just made a ton of friends with that joke LOL!!!
Beer v/s Women, Which is better
1. A beer is always wet, a woman isn't.
1 point for beer!
2. Beer is horrible when it is hot.
1 point for women!
3. A cold beer satisfies you.
1 point for beer!
4 . If you come back home smelling beer, your wife can get angry at you. If you come back home smelling women, your wife will get angry for sure and she might even not talk to you again.
Draw! (It depends on your point of view).
5. 10 beers in a night and then you can't drive. 10 women in one night and you don't have to drive anywhere!
1 point for women!
6. The older beer is, the better.
1 point for beer!
7. Many beers can make you see UFO's. Many women can make you see God!
1 point for women!
8. If you ask yourself how the next woman will be, you're normal. If you ask yourself how the next beer will be, you're alcoholic.
1 point for women!
9. For a beer you pay taxes.
1 point for women!
10. If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry.
1 point for beer!
11. You can always be sure that you're the first one "opening" a beer.
1 point for beer!
12. If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself.
1 point for beer!
13. You know exactly how much a beer costs.
1 point for beer!
14. A beer doesn't have a mother.
1 point for beer!
15. You can do it if you want, but beer won't ask you to hug her for half an hour after.
1 point for beer!
Final Score: Beer beats women. (9 to 6)
If you're a woman and getting angry, think that a beer wouldn't.
Another point for beer! FINAL SCORE: 10 to 6.
1. A beer is always wet, a woman isn't.
1 point for beer!
2. Beer is horrible when it is hot.
1 point for women!
3. A cold beer satisfies you.
1 point for beer!
4 . If you come back home smelling beer, your wife can get angry at you. If you come back home smelling women, your wife will get angry for sure and she might even not talk to you again.
Draw! (It depends on your point of view).
5. 10 beers in a night and then you can't drive. 10 women in one night and you don't have to drive anywhere!
1 point for women!
6. The older beer is, the better.
1 point for beer!
7. Many beers can make you see UFO's. Many women can make you see God!
1 point for women!
8. If you ask yourself how the next woman will be, you're normal. If you ask yourself how the next beer will be, you're alcoholic.
1 point for women!
9. For a beer you pay taxes.
1 point for women!
10. If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry.
1 point for beer!
11. You can always be sure that you're the first one "opening" a beer.
1 point for beer!
12. If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself.
1 point for beer!
13. You know exactly how much a beer costs.
1 point for beer!
14. A beer doesn't have a mother.
1 point for beer!
15. You can do it if you want, but beer won't ask you to hug her for half an hour after.
1 point for beer!
Final Score: Beer beats women. (9 to 6)
If you're a woman and getting angry, think that a beer wouldn't.
Another point for beer! FINAL SCORE: 10 to 6.
Funny, I past that one on to my irish inlaws! Thjey'll love it
Clean and funny jokes are hard to find-
This one is an oldie but it still makes me chuckle...
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too!
Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and
I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
This one is an oldie but it still makes me chuckle...
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too!
Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and
I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
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