Basic rules

[roady192]

Hi A long time friend of mine and I have started getting physical. He has genital hsv for many years and I do not. I have been fully tested. We have not had sex but have fooled around and I was hoping to get my risk factors regarding contracting it from the following physical activity that we have engaged in. 1) skinny dipping in a saltwater pool and me sitting straddling him with his genitals touching my genitals (not intercourse). 2) spooning and laying very close in bed naked where our genitals may touch a little. No time has he had any obvious outbreaks or sores with this activity. I really like this man and don't want my paranoia to get in the way of intimacy with him. Please any advice to put my mind at ease would be appreciated. Thanks

[gracefromHHP]

just naked outercourse is a risk but not a very high one.

if you plan on being intimately involved with this partner, find out if they have hsv1 or hsv 2 genitally. Not a bad idea to ask how they were diagnosed too to post here for more info. You also should ask if he's on daily suppressive therapy or not.

grace

[roady192]

Hi thanks for the replies I appreciate it. So are you saying that me straddling him in the pool and our genitals touching under the water is a real and high risk exposure? Also laying in bed with genitals touching briefly sometimes. I thought the virus needed heat and friction to get passed on and that these activities were pretty low risk.

[abject]

When you say you "have been fully tested," just keep in mind that doctors do not screen routinely for HSV.  So, unless you asked specifically to be tested for it, you may not have been.  but yes, HSV is transmitted skin-to-skin and also it is possible to contract it while using a condom.  That said, if he takes a viral suppressant (valtrex or acyclovir which is the generic), avoids sex during outbreaks and wears a condom, he can greatly reduce the chance of passing it on to you.  I believe the exact number is 96% that he will not transmit the virus, but not completely sure.  

[stelz]

herpes is transmitted through touch, so even if you aren't having intercourse, if your gentials are touching the virus can be passed on to you. the risk is higher if he is having an outbreak and has lesions, but it is also possible for people with hsv to "shed" the virus with no lesions present, so you can catch it without contact from a direct lesion. if he is taking valtrex, it will reduce the risk of transmission to you. it is also a lot easier for a male to transfer the virus to a female than the other way around, so you need to be careful. hope this helps.