Grace hasn't been on the site in years, but I can promise you that you had absolutely no risk.
By heavy foreplay, it's meant heavy rubbing or grinding with no clothes on.
Seriously, herpes isn't as easily transmitted as you seem to think.
If you are in a long term relationship with a female who has hsv2, and you have unprotected sex with her, 2-3x a week, and all you do is avoid sex when she has outbreaks, your chances of getting it are 4% a year.
If you add condoms OR she uses suppressive daily meds, like Valtrex, it's 2% a year. If both are used, it's about 1%.
Your hands don't transmit it. Someone who has it doesn't transmit it by hands. It's possible that a toy might transmit it, but that's a very, very low chance.
You touching someone's thigh won't transmit it.
Using the same lube they do won't transmit it.
You have to have your genitals touch their genitals, and have heavy rubbing or grinding, usually the kind associated with intercourse.
If you give someone with genital hsv2 oral sex, it is possible that you can get oral hsv2. It's not likely, but it's possible.
If you have oral hsv1 - think cold sores - you can give that person genital hsv1. You can transmit this without a cold sore being present.
67% of people under 50 have oral hsv1 globally. Even if you've never had a cold sore, you might be one of them. It's very common.
I don't know why you are so freaked out about herpes. I don't know if you are going outside of a relationship, or just generally freaked out about herpes. There's no need to be this scared.
Answers from @auntijessi or anyone else are appreciated. And yes, I'm ending this sort of activity with these two.