I am sure this is very frustrating for you both :( With what we know currently about genital herpes, providers not prescribing daily suppressive therapy when asked for it is inexcusable!!
I also suggest that she try another provider. If there is a planned parenthood in your area, they usually are good about prescribing it. Another option is for her to print out the NEJM article on valtrex reducing transmission to a partner and take it to her doctor. As someone who has lived with genital herpes for most of her life, I know personally how the peace of mind of being on it can help you have a "normal" sex life as well as protect a partner! Knowing you are actively doing something to protect a partner really helps even if you aren't having noticeable recurrences.
Until then, keep in mind that just avoiding sex any time she has anything going on genitally makes you 96% likely each year NOT to contract hsv2 from her. That along with condoms is very good protection. You really should be more surprised if you do contract hsv2 from this partner than if you don't even without suppressive therapy for her.
grace
Hi, the way most contract genital hsv2 is when they think they are not having an outbreak. Outbreaks can be so subtle that they think an irritation is something else or dont realize they are having one. You correct that shedding does occur and considering percentages its about 15% of the time which is not that low.
Taking suppreseive meds does inhibit the virus from mulitplying so you are correct that her taking them might not be a bad idea. I would suggest seeing another doctor who is familar with herpes as her doc that said to consider her as she dosenot have it is far from correct.
Sorry to hear you stopped sex for so long -- that must have been difficult. Frankly, I would not have advised it, and I'm happy to hear you're planning to get back to business!
It is surprising nobody will prescribe suppressive therapy for your partner. Her doctors must be pretty naive about genital herpes and HSV2 management. I would urge you and her to continue to look for an understanding doctor or clinic. A infectious diseases specialist would be a good bet. Or contact Westover Heights Clinic, the home base of Terri Warren of the herpes expert forum, who gave you helpful advice in the past. WHC often provides long distance herpes care. I don't know if they are in a position to prescribe treatment in this situation, but it's worth a shot -- and if nothing else they may recommend a provider in your area.
Please return with follow-up comments to let us know how it all shakes out! Good luck.